Friday, March 31, 2006

Presenting: Eugene

Eugene left this gem on my voicemail the other night and I thought I'd share it with all of you. Enjoy!

this is an audio post - click to play

Thursday, March 30, 2006

At Witty's End

Witty worked my last nerve a couple times this week. You'll remember he was a bit player in my blog entry about Lucky's situation. Normally I'm cool with Witty but he has this annoying habit of dragging me into the middle of conversations that I'm not involved in.

Here's the typical scenario. He'll come over and talk to Dan about some project. Sometimes SLAB will come in Dan's cube too and the three of them will go at it. Since I'm across from them, I'm hearing all the blabbering, though I'm usually focused on my own work and not really honing in on the specifics of their conversation.

Witty has this habit of promising the world to his business users. So Hemingway he'll say something related to a given project. More chatter that I'm trying to drown out will continue. Then he'll loudly say, 'Isn't that right, E?'

And I'm like WTF? Does he figure because they have loud ass conversations that I'm listening intently to every word? I guess I should just say 'Yeah that's right'. But I don't want to commit myself to something I wasn't privy to, especially since he always promises the world.

Plus I'm tired of being dragged into conversations that I don't want to be dragged into. Unfortunately my seating situation lends me to being dragged sometimes.

Un-Witty also will ask me how things are going on projects he's working on. I have to kindly remind him that I only consulted on the project. He'll do this in front of SLAB too.

Maybe I need to learn to play the game more. Become a 'yes-man' more. It's not like anyone would remember what was said anyway. It's all about the posturing sometimes.

I guess I should mellow out and go with the flow.

Wish me luck today. Tonight's my bowling night and it's the critical week before finals for the 2nd half. We need to win at least two games, preferably all three, if we want any shot of winning 2nd half.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Prelude To A Kiss

TeeBee & GermanChocolateGirl, if you lovely ladies ever make it to Chi-town and want to hang out with me, I have the perfect sushi place in the city to take you. It's called House of Sushi and Noodles. I guess they have noodles too but the sushi is to die for. Huey and I went there Saturday afternoon. They have an all you can eat sushi buffet (which they freshly make for you once you order a couple selections) for $12.95. They have a few rules you have to follow such as a minimum of two people must be in the party to do the buffet and a $5 charge per person will be added to the bill if any sushi is leftover in your plate. But the sushi is so worth it and you'd be hard pressed to leave any of it.

Okay back to the program.

As you can see, I'm giving my speaking voice a rest for today. It'll be back someday.

As promised this entry will focus on my date with Chad. A few more things happened then what I spoke about on my audio. Originally he suggested having the date on Saturday. He then changed the date to Friday due to a friend he wanted to hang out with only being available. (A little more background on that later.)

So Chad was incredibly moody all week. It showed in our conversations. I was actually amazed that he called me every night last week. He seemed to really have a chip on his shoulders. He was mainly pissed at Stringy and was basically ignoring him on the job.

He was doing the shutting people out thing again. He mentioned his best friend calling him and he not returning her calls. When she would get him and ask him what's wrong, he told her nothing and basically rebuffed any of her attempts to hang out. His excuse...he didn't feel like being bothered.

I didn't want to antagonize him any further so I just did my best to calm him down. I fished for more information about Stringy and his relationship on the job. Basically he explained how they first met and how they eventually befriended one another. One day Stringy confessed to liking Chad and some time later Chad confessed to liking Stringy. They did hang out once or twice outside of work but Stringy made it a point not to go to Chad's place because of what might happen. (Actually I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.)

Where it gets crazy is all the monkey business that's happened recently. The "can I see your dick", "let me feel your booty" talk. For someone that didn't want to put himself in a compromising position (meaning Stringy), he sure was acting stupid around Chad. Then Stringy would invite Chad to hang out for drinks early in the day and later change his mind.

Chad admits to having feelings for Stringy, which made all the things Stringy was doing that much harder to bare. I've been there on some level, though it's thankfully never been with anyone I've worked with.

So I was actually surprised aside from the date moving up a day, that he decided to keep it. Eugene and I were making bets over whether he'd cancel or not. Since he did keep the date, I won the bet (I had to take an opposing view from Eugene...*LOL*).

Chad did move the time of the date to 8PM, which again was fine since it gave me time to freshen up. I went to pick him up at his apartment. Once there, we decided on TGIF's, which was about fifteen minutes from his place.

We were listening appropriately enough to Mya's Moodring album. I particularly honed in on Whatever B!tch, which I thought would cheer him up. It didn't do much in that department, though he got a bit of a chuckle seeing me jam to the song. My favorite song on the LP, though is Sophisticated Lady, which samples Rick James Cold Blooded.

The conversation actually flowed pretty good and I found myself a bit more socially relaxed than I typically am. It extended even beyond Chad and I. For example, I chatted with this dude in the bathroom about folks that don't wash their hands after using the bathroom. I noticed he was trying to catch the door with his foot as another patron was leaving. I instantly knew why he was doing that and we basically chatted briefly about it. Since I did that, he decided to pull a paper towel and use it on the handle, which I do all the time.

Hemingway the experience at TGIF's was cool. The potato skins were actually hot. The rest of the food ordered tasted great. The drinks weren't, ummm, as watered down...*LOL*. I even won a bet against him for free dinner since the waitress didn't bring back change like he thought she would. (The extra money was indeed her tip.)

After the dinner, I asked if he was up to seeing my place. He was feeling tired and didn't hesitate to let me know. I offered a raincheck but he insisted on taking him to check my house out. So we did.

While there, he wanted to show me a picture of Stringy. Remember in my last post mentioning Chad how he compared Stringy to the current Todd from One Life To Live? I'm not the biggest Todd fan (not that I watch the soap regularly...okay I did, but that was in the 80's...*LOL*) and the actor does nothing for me, but after seeing a picture of Stringy, I felt like Chad insulted Todd (or whoever the actor is...I'm too lazy to look it up...*LOL*). I didn't call him Stringy for nothing. Chad assured me that he did gain some weight recently. Okay I'll stop!

Hemingway after seeing my place, Chad was ready to go home. Literally within minutes of arriving. I was put off but he did mention he was tired so I put aside my feelings and did as he asked. Incidentally I felt the urge to give him a kiss at that point but decided not to do so.

He did sense I seemed disappointed (I have the worst poker face...*LOL*). I told him I was cool. I drove him back to his apartment and before he got out of the car, he planted me a quick kiss. It was really nice but I had this deer in the headlights look afterwards (sucky poker face...remember?). It was stupid but I was worried that somebody could've saw us. He told me that it wasn't like anybody was outside that time of night. I told him it was cool and to hurry on and leave. I don't know why I said that. I think it pissed him off but he told me to call him to let him know I made it safely home. As soon as he left the car, I took off.

I called him and left a voicemail. And I haven't heard from him since, even after leaving a text message and voicemail on Sunday.

I wonder if the chase is still on. The ball's in his court. Again.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

E Speaks Some More

I'm doing a bit more talking...with some more meat in it. Hopefully. Enjoy!

E Post #2 - click to play

E Post #3 - click to play

Thursday, March 23, 2006

My First Audio...Be Kind...*LOL* can be mean if you wanna. I can take it.

this is an audio post - click to play

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Career In Arrears

These last few days on the job have been crazy. As a technical analyst at my firm, one of my roles is to act as a liaison between the business users and the other technical areas that may be called upon to assist the business users meet their needs. It was the classic business users asking for more than was really needed. I nearly lost it in last Friday's meeting. The funny thing is that my way of letting people know I was pissed was being extra nonchalant. If they asked for something that needed to be done, I would say 'oh sure, whatever'. All everyone could do was sheepishly laugh. Luckily the meeting was over the phone so I didn't have to face anyone.

Fortunately after coming up with a comprehensive cost analysis of what they wanted done, the business came to their senses today. But that won't last long...:-)

I also got some interesting news from a former team member (let's call him Shazamm) that works in a different area of the company now. He told me that two ladies (both who are black and actually both very nice) were fired from the job yesterday. The scoop I heard was that both were rated below expectations by their manager (they had the same one). One of the ladies Shazamm told me was placed on a thirty day probation period. From what he's heard, once you're placed on probation at my company, it's pretty much the point of no return. Plus the policy is to release below expectations folks from the company.

The disturbing thing is that both ladies were black. Whenever that happens, one can't help (well most can't) but wonder if the firings were racially motivated. Shazamm wasn't sure if the other lady was placed on probation or not. He was shocked because he walked over to her cube earlier today and found all her stuff gone, including the name tag.

He found out about the lady on probation due to her calling him in the office via her cellphone from outside the building.

From the way I'm describing the ladies, it's as if I didn't know them. But I have chatted with both on and off once in a blue moon. I was sad to hear the news.

I know the one that was on probation was looking to get out of the group she was in. She definitely didn't care much for her manager (who happens to be a white lady). No doubt that probably had to do with the reviews.

I've worked with the other lady on a project before a few years back and never had any problems with her. She seemed relatively competent in her position. One of the business users gave her some flack once but that user was being a bit of a dick to her and she reacted.

Needless to say, it has a few of us wondering. There've been a couple other folks, mostly black, that were let go within the last year or so. I myself am currently in good standings with my SLAB and management (in fact they seem to be singing my praises...*LOL*) but you just never know. You always have to watch your back.

Speaking of the job front, my SLAB actually asked me today if I gave any thought to pursuing an M.B.A. Honestly I hadn't given it much thought, due to my desire not to be in management. He mentioned that my company recently spent money on getting the cirriculum from some university (I don't know who) and have the courses available on-site.

From what I understand, the classes would be once a week. Each course would run me a little over two grand (yowsie...*LOL*) but the company will reimburse me (assuming I pass).

The total length of the program would be four years. That's the monkeywrench. My dream plans call for me to leave my job next April. You know, my whole dream of being a daytrader, which I totally need to prepare for. You know, I need enough of a buffer to cover basic living expenses (mortgage, COBRA - 18 months at least, food, etc.).

If I were to do this M.B.A., I would likely have to commit to four more years working at the company. It may be longer as I'm sure if the company's spending all this money for the M.B.A., they won't want me walking immediately afterwards.

Working at the company wouldn't be a bad thing (benefits wise). Leaving in 2007 would actually cost me some long-term bonus in stock that would be paid to me in 2008. Also I wouldn't be able to take advantage of their discount share program that I'm putting money aside for that'll mature in 2008. Speaking of which, they didn't offer any long-term bonuses this year. (Guess they don't want to make us peon(s) that rich...*LOL*.)

But doing so would mean deferring the dream a bit longer. From what I hear, doing an M.B.A. is hell on earth (depending on the course). I know I won't be able to take as much week long vacations. Though it's not like I take many of those now..:-) Then a lot of the classes involve working with others. It's not that I have a problem working with others. But from experience, I always end up with someone that totally slacks on the job.

I don't know. There's no hurry in making the decision. But from what I hear, management has one allotted slot for the opportunity. Two of the people in my group are already doing their own M.B.A. programs and the others (due to near retirement and/or families) aren't interested. So I, being the youngest member of the group and single and no dependents, stand out like a sore thumb.

I mean, could I use an M.B.A. later on in life? I guess if I were to do it, I'd be 38 by the time I finish it.

As much as I rat on SLAB, I have to admit begrudgingly that he's actually not that bad of a manager. Annoying, yes. I mean, Slightly Less Annoying. But not bad. SLAB's definitely given me food for thought.

Monday, March 20, 2006

That Girl's Post

I was reading That Girl's blog recently and came across her post lamenting her weekend. In a nutshell, she ran into an ex at her job on the weekend, no less. How sucky. She shared a very nice email that she received from another friend. The message was about men and what they would do if they truly wanted you.

One of the parts that stood out for me in the email is the following:

"Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted."

Truer words have never been spoken. I do tend to always be around when guys I'm interested in contact me. That's been the case with Chad as well. Okay, I know you all are tired of me talking about him. If you are, please read no further.

Buh-bye. (*LOL*)

For the rest of you....

Chad did call me early into the evening Saturday. He mentioned that he was feeling very low. He decided to disown and disassociate himself from his father. That's a pretty heavy thing to do but his father from what he told me seems like bad news. He changed numbers, which was why his phone was disconnected.

He wanted to give me his information but mentioned that he needed to be alone. Basically he was going to shut himself off from the world. I tried talking him out of it but it was too no avail. I told him that I would be there when he needs someone to talk to. He was okay with it and said he needed to take a nap and just be with himself. We hung up.

I later was reading That Girl's harrowing weekend and the email she included. When I read the line I quoted earlier, I was thinking to myself that I'm always making myself available to guys but the guys I'm interested in don't always make themselves available to me (conversationally or emotionally). I told myself that when Chad gets out of his funk and calls me, I should just let it go to voicemail. Make him wonder a little bit about me. It's sad that I have to play these games but sometimes dealing with guys is a game and I occasionally tire of being played like a fiddle.

Chad did call me this evening while I was talking to Eugene. I did as I hoped to do, I let it go to voicemail. Eugene was shocked when I told him what I did. In the past, I would usually drop Eugene to the curb and switch the line. But for once I wasn't there at the drop of a hat for Chad.

I'll call him tomorrow, though. Assuming he's available, we'll pick up the chase.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

And Then There Was Chad

Time to resume the trivial...:-)

I forgot to fill you guys in on my date with Chad. Yeah it indeed took place. We were scheduled to meet the evening of the 15th but due to a cousin that just had to meet him that night, he decided to move the meeting a day ahead on Tuesday.

I was on my way home from work when he confirmed the meeting. I decided to stop at Jewel Osco to pick up some "Cookies & Cream" ice-cream (his favorite). I called Eugene beforehand and of course Eugene reminded me to keep myself in check. You know...don't get too excited, don't share too much of yourself too soon, wash your ass, the usual stuff...*LOL*. I told him I need to wash my ass so I'll talk to him later. He wished me luck on the date and we hung up.

Chad wanted to cook dinner for me, which was really cool. I arrived at his apartment around 8PM. We greeted each other and I quickly gave him the ice-cream, which he jokingly bitched about since he gained 10 pounds over the weekend, so he says.

Taking a little sidebar, when Chad finally called me Monday night after several days of silence, he explained that was feeling down about being sick (his measles wound up being hives, which finally went away after almost two weeks) and coming down with a cold. He said that he vegged out in his apartment the whole weekend and cut off communication from everyone. His attitude is if he's feeling down, he doesn't want to snap on anyone or bring his negativity to the table. I can kind of understand since I can be a real bitch when I'm in a bad mood. During the course of the weekend, he claims to have gained ten pounds and he almost wasn't sure he wanted me to see him in "his condition". But he decided that he needed to get the initial meeting out of the way.

My first impressions on Chad. Lookswise he's very handsome and although he says he gained ten pounds, whatever he gained looked good on him. He's a bit more fem than I normally like (he plucked his eyebrows for our meeting) with a slight "gay" accent and wiggle in his step, however I liked what I saw and am willing to overlook it (assuming things progress). Plus I loved the way he looked at me all seductively at times. It sent my mind in a tailspin.

So Hemingway he was still in the middle of cooking Chicken Alfredo pasta. We were talking about general things. Stringy managed to make his way into our conversation briefly. He was watching One Life To Live on video and mentioned that Stringy resembled Todd. I laughed when he mentioned that.

The dinner was really good. As an appetizer, we had Cesear salad. The convo continued to flow nicely.

Chad went over our viewing options after dinner. As he went over his DVD collection, he was shocked by how many movies I hadn't seen yet. We settled on Valentine. It was a horror flick with Angel and Denise Richards that I always wanted to see but never got around to. I had to say that line a number of times with Chad that night.

So we popped the DVD in, turned off the lights, and settled back. I sat at the end of the sofa while he sat on a nearby chair. That didn't stop us from doing more touching and talking then watching the movie. We were touching each other's hands and arms, almost as if we were studying that particular part. I briefly massaged his neck at some point.

By the time the movie ended, he popped in a Sanford and Son DVD. We had chatted about the series beforehand and he wanted to share a few scenes of Esther and Sanford exchanging their infamous quips. He decided to slide onto the sofa by that point and we continue touching each other's arms and hands. I ventured a bit onto his forehead and he was touching my back.

It was around 11PM and he was starting to get tired. He told me he wasn't kicking me out but he had to get ready for tomorrow. Well I had to get ready too. So he started cleaning up and somehow managed to sneak a quick kiss on me. He acted a bit coy saying he didn't know why he did that.

So I got up and prepared to give him a hug. We sorta stood there looking at each other and then I snuck in a kiss of my own. We chatted a bit more by the door and he told me to call him when I got home to let him know I made it okay.

Twenty minutes later I did just that.

Fast forward to Wednesday night. Chad calls me and we're talking about our days. He then mentioned getting a message from his sister saying that his father needed to talk to him. I'm thinking why can't his father call him directly. Chad wondered the same thing. So he eventually finds out that his father wants $500. Then he revealed the news that his father sells drugs and may have been in trouble. Chad wants no part of his father's troubles.

Crazy, huh?

Hemingway he told me he'd call me later since his cousin was supposed to be hanging out. But he never did. I found out the next morning that his phone service was disconnected. I sent him an email to find out if everything was okay. He sent me a message back Friday night saying all was cool and that he'd give me a call soon. The chase continues....

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Twisted Luck

I was conducting my weekly status meeting at my job this morning. The only people in the room were my SLAB, Witty, and Lucky. There was a break in the meeting and SLAB was going on about his bad luck in the real estate market. He's currently paying two mortgages because his old home hasn't sold, even after dropping the price several thousand dollars. Lucky mentioned his recent real estate transaction, which he sold his home last December for $20,000 over the asking price. I had no idea Lucky even sold his house, though it's not like we chat much about personal stuff. SLAB was giving Lucky a hard time (in a joking way I think...*LOL*) about his luck. Lucky put his house on the market in the morning and by the end of the day he settled on the final offer, which was elevated due to a bidding war. The buyers wanted to move in fifteen days later so he and his wife had to hussle. I believe he got extra money because of that. So of course, SLAB is going over the top with his jealousy, even faking trying to have Witty hold him back. (Yeah SLAB's annoying like that, well Slightly Less Annoying...*LOL*.) After the crazy fake out, Witty left the room.

Moments later Lucky casually threw out that the reason they needed to sell the house was because they were going through a divorce. SLAB's jaw dropped several feet as did mine. I was dumbfounded as Lucky went over how the divorce was a bit of a nightmare with having to divvy out the assets and his wife's lawyer being a dick. Lucky and his wife had celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary last April with a vacation in Hawaii. I felt a bit pained as Lucky said they almost made it to their 21st anniversary. He said that he couldn't explain why the divorce was happening but it wasn't because of the typical reasons like infidelity, abuse, etc. It was weird.

But what amazed me was how Lucky handles himself on the job. He conducts himself normally (the few times I see him since he works in a different office from me) and doesn't appear to be any more stressed than usual. Lucky has this self-deprecating sense of humor that at first bugged me but I grew to find it fascinating. He's a really good guy and I was truly sorry to hear that he's in the process of getting divorced. It makes the trivial shit I bitch about on my blog seem so small.

I hope things work out for Lucky.

I think I'll save my trivial stuff for another post.

Monday, March 13, 2006

I Want The Chase

I just got done watching a repeat of Half & Half. They were passing the episode where Mona first meets Chase. I remember the first time I saw that episode. I remember getting off (not literally but...*LOL*) just seeing how Chase was lustfully staring at Mona when LDD pulled her aside. Then I cheered when Mona seductively pulled Chase close to her for their first kiss.

Rewatching that episode tonight made me realize how much I want my own Chase. Mona wasn't looking for a relationship that weekend but it came to her when she least expected it.

Maybe I need to chill from trying to find my own Chase and let him come to me. I think I've been just a bit too eager to try and find a guy. But I have to realize, I'm still young. I should be enjoying my life. Lamann Rucker, if you're reading this blog, my number is....

Hemingway the finale of Flavor of Love was a bit boring. I was feeling a bit sorry for New York. I'm with Rose, I know New York didn't really love Foofy, but I could tell she really liked him. Yes, she was a straight up bitch most of the time, but you have to admire a lady (and I guess that was confirmed yesterday...*LOL*) that was so confident that she was getting that bootiful man.

Hoopz so wasn't into Flav. I saw the oh shit! expression on Hoopz face when Flav wanted to roll with her. She was so uncomfortable everytime he kissed her. Hell I cringed everytime they did.

I think Flav was trying to prepare New York for the rejection by doing the whole 'will you still be down for me if I choose the other girl' spiel. I would've liked to have seen New York go off on Flav and Hoopz when he chose Hoopz, but I guess Flav did a good job of diffusing the situation.

I'm pissed I have to wait two weeks for the reunion episode, though. I hope New York gets a chunk of Pumkin's ass.

Oh I just got off the phone with Chad (while I was typing all this). He says he wants to meet me least he's 90% certain. Stay tuned. The chase continues...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Generating Heat

I had a great time hanging out with Huey last night. I called him earlier yesterday to see if he felt like hanging out. He was hanging with his lawyer friend, who was helping him look for a condo. He didn't seem all that keen on clubbing but felt a bit guilty for dissing me last weekend. So he agreed to hang out with me.

After posting yesterday's entry, I took a thirty minute power nap. I woke up around 11PM and got ready to drive over to Huey. I chatted briefly with Eugene (see I told you we'd be okay) after getting dressed. When I described my outfit to him, he told me that I was dressed like a model wearing a clearance outfit in a Sears catalog. We had a good laugh over that one. So what did I have on. I had grey baggy Guess? jeans with an aqua Detroit baseball shirt with dark blue shoulder patterns from Steve and Barry's. For shoes, I wore my black Giorgio Brutini that I normally wear to work. I thought I was the cat's meow.

Huey agreed when he saw me. I suggested we head out to Generator. I'm not really much of a clubhead but I heard that the reopened Generator was the place to be seen. I mean Bernard from Sex and the City saw Noah and his entourage there last weekend. So I hopped in Huey's ride and after a money and Altoids stop, we arrived at our destination.

The place was off the chain. There were various entourages already there. As Huey and I walked around, I could see guys focusing their attention on us. It felt great.

Huey was trying to be "incognegro", wearing a cap to try to hide his bald frame. But he was recognized by a number of guys in the club, including one that wanted to get with him. Huey, however, wasn't trying to hook up with him.

I saw a guy from A4A working the bar that I was thinking of having a fling with but at the time he threw shade. He didn't look all that hot to me, though. So it was cool nothing happened.

We were enjoying the sites of people getting their groove on. We were especially enjoying one dude in blue jeans & a orange t-shirt shaking and gyrating his ass on a pole. He was lifting his shirt and everything trying to show off his body that wasn't quite built but you could tell he was getting it together. Tyra says he'll look "fierce" by summer.

Huey noted that the guy we met earlier that wanted to get with him kept following us throughout the morning. He would stand at different vantage points around the club. Later on, he walked by us and Huey saw him roll his eyes at him. Drama.

We left the club a little after 4AM. Huey was hungry so we stopped at this place on Clark. I think it was called Michael's. It's best described as an I-Hop like breakfast/lunch/dinner diner. I wound up ordering buttermilk pancakes with a side of turkey sausage while he ordered an omelette with spinach and bacon. We recognized a few folks from Generator entering the restaurant.

It wasn't until 5:30 in the morning when I got home. That's the latest I've ever stayed out in years. Right now I'm watching the Flavor of Love marathon and recording all the episodes. So that'll be keeping me busy today.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

I Want Some Candy

I was thinking about that scene in Best Man. You know the one. No, not the fight between Harper and Lance. Though that was hot. Wait...I think that was mostly Morris Chestnut that was hot. He was sexy from the first moment he stepped on the screen. Ooooh, he's a fucking hottie. Not as hot as Karamle, though. Damn! Have you all seen Karamale's latest profile pic? I'm seriously about to get on the next flight to Columbia (or whereever he is currently...*LOL*). You brothers that did him wrong in the past have seriously messed up a potential good thing. But that was a side rant. Sorry.

Hemingway back to Best Man. I was talking about the scene before that where the stripper Candy entered the bachelor party and was enticing Murch, a character after my own heart.

I just laugh everytime I see that scene where Murch is so shy and innocent with Candy. I just wanna go awww. I used to be that way. Of course, the Cameo old-school song Candy helped sell that scene.

"My eyes roll in my head. I toss and turn in my bed. In the morning when I think about you."

Sigh....I've been feeling that way lately about Chad. Actually he's been on my brain a bit too much these days. If you recall, Chad is the dude I've started chatting with for a couple weeks now. The one that I should know better than to let affect me emotionally. But like the imbecile I am, he has.

Chad's been a bit shady these last couple days. Well not really shady, but he hasn't called in the last couple days. Okay fine. I know I'm tripping.

As Eugene so loves to remind me over and over and over again, Chad and I don't owe each other shit. Actually I had a slight falling out with Eugene over this. I love Eugene with all my heart as a friend. However, just once I'd like him to have some empathy for me. But I guess it's hard to have empathy for an imbecile.

When he was going into his rant for the millionth time about how he'd never allow his emotions to get the best of him over any guy, I put the cell down. I could hear his voice going on for two minutes. Then when I knew he was done, I picked it up. He asked 'does what I say make sense'. I made some noise purposely that let him know that I didn't listen to him. (Which could be why I find myself in these predicaments again and again...shut-up rational E...*LOL*) He called me an asshole and we basically didn't talk to each other for an hour and ten minutes (on the cell, I kid you not). I stayed on the line doing other things until he finally disconnected. (I wanted to win at something...*LOL*) We'll be okay, though...:-)

So Hemingway what was I saying before I got into that side rant...oh right, Chad. I am aware that we're not in an official relationship and that neither of us are under any obligation to call each other. But that didn't stop me from letting my guard down and letting him weasel his way to my heart and looking forward to our previously daily chats. Why do guys stop that shit after reeling you in? Hmmm...maybe he got the bill...*LOL*.

The last two substantial conversations we had were a bit marred. Confession time. The friend I speak of in my Hanging By A String thread was Chad. Both times he kept on mentioning Stringy over and over. It just felt weird that he bought it up twice, telling me all about their work relationship. He alluded that he would feel unfair trying to pursue anything with me while he has Stringy on the brain. That actually is true and I'm cool with just being friends with him. But after that, the calls stopped. I pathetically tried texting him and he'd text a brief response and then nothing further.

Yesterday he called me on the job so I really couldn't talk to him much. (My theory is that he was hoping to get my voicemail and didn't expect me to answer.) Then he had the audacity, if you will, (oooh, I'm so channeling New York...don't forget to watch the final showdown tomorrow, yall...*LOL*) to mention that he was annoyed because he had to give a "guy at work" a ride to the train station. Wasn't he bitching about Stringy, who I strongly suspect was the "guy at work", not accepting a ride from him?

Hemingway I told him I would be off work after 6PM and to give me a call later. Did he do that? I think we know the answer..:-)

I don't know. I'm getting the feeling that he's pushing me away. I'll know for sure this coming Wednesday since supposedly we're going to meet for dinner. He hasn't cancelled it yet. It kills me that the ball's in his court. But you know, it's my fault for allowing it to happen again. I'm such an imbecile.

So Hemingway I'm planning on hitting the club tonight and maybe a little rendevous tomorrow (assuming the guy isn't shady...these guys are so trifling) to get my mind off Chad. Yeah, it's time for me to find some side candy.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Claude, How Could You?

Eugene was reading the following article aloud to me over the phone Friday.

Apparently Bush aide Claude A. Allen was charged with retail theft from Target. There's even a police report. Looking at the pic in the police report, he looks like he was about to break into tears any minute.

Wow. What a shame. The brother makes (I mean, made) $161,000 a year. He had some tiny bit of clout being in Bush's (sorry) administration being his assistant for domestic policy. Actually domestic policy under Bush has gone to hell in a handbasket as he wastes time getting revenge on Saddam for making a fool out of his daddy. So Allen's pretty much been under the radar. Until tonight. Over Target. (Target got some nice stuff, though.) I guess he needed a raise.

I like how they said in the article that Allen resigned to be closer to his family. Too bad they didn't specify which family.

Weekend Showdown

Everyone get their popcorn ready. Better yet, stop at KFC (or Harold's for the Chi-town folks) and get some fried chicken wings. It's the finale to end all finales. It's the showdown for Flav's affection. Scary thought.

Yeah! Flav is down to the Final 2, ummm, ladies. VH1 teased us last week with a recap episode (as if they needed a recap). It highlighted how Flav narrowed his choices down from 20 to 2. There were some classic quotes that I've never heard, most of them from New York.

New York (to deranged Hottie): "I did some research on you...and I found out you're a whore."

New York (on Hoopz): ""She's a good-time gal... it's like, 'let's go shoot some hoops... with Hewwwwps"

Hoopz (on New York): "Dog, you don't know me. I'll throw this basketball in your face..."

It's gonna be an interesting night of television. It's sad that this trash is almost coming to an end.

So who do you think Flav will choose? I'm hoping he chooses New York. I'd like to see New York's mom's reaction to that bit of news.

Rumor has it that the girls all reunite for a reunion show. My assumption is that since the ratings of the show has risen dramatically, they decided to reunite the girls one last time. Maybe Pumkin and New York go at it. That would be better than pay-per-view.

It's a shame I'm hoping for a DVD of this mess to be released.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Hanging By A String

Hanging On A String - Loose Ends

I've waited oh so long
for you to come to me
What did I do wrong
It's all a mystery to me

Baby I feel it too
What am I supposed to do
Maybe I've just changed
Or could I be wrong for you

You,you've got me hangin' on a string now
I'm not your plaything
You,you've got me hangin' on a string now
Am I your plaything

You never told me you were waiting,contemplating
With my heart,my love
You never told me you were waiting,contemplating
With my heart,my love

Do you mean to say
that after all this time
i've waited like a fool
now who's been changin' you

You,you've got me hangin' on a string now
I'm not your plaything
You,you've got me hangin' on a string now
I aint your plaything

You,you've got me hangin' on a string now
I'm masquerading
You,you've got me hangin' on a string now
I aint your plaything,whoa

You never told me you were waiting,contemplating
You never told me you were waiting,contemplating

I never knew who sung that song until I searched for the lyrics. Loose Ends, huh? An approriate name actually. It was the jam back in the day. I may have to purchase that greatest hits CD.

Hemingway it's the perfect song to describe a situation one of my friends finds himself in. Basically there's a guy (let's call him Stringy) at his job that's been stringing him along for a number of years. This friend is out on his job (so yall know it ain't me...*LOL*), a job he's been working at for the last six years. So Hemingway my friend gave Stringy his cell phone number and Stringy texts him with messages such as "I wanna see your dick" and "Look at me with your piercing eyes."

He also requests to see his dick whenever the two of them are in the restroom at same time.

The messages themselves wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that Stringy claims to be straight and has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for seven years with no plans of breaking it up.

My friend has feelings for Stringy but refuses to act on them because of Stringy's girlfriend situation. Stringy himself said he won't do anything with my friend because of his situation. Stringy, however, keeps on giving suggestive messages and hitting on my friend.

My friend isn't totally innocent. In the three years this situation has been going on, he did admit to Stringy that he had a crush on him and that he'd do him if Stringy didn't have a girlfriend. Also Stringy has my friend's cell phone number yet my friend doesn't have his. (Obviously Stringy doesn't want my friend calling him in front of his girlfriend.)

He's told me that Stringy texts him from his girlfriend's crib (via email so he won't text his cell phone number). He sends the same messages and keeps inquiring on how my friend is doing.

It's gotten to the point that co-workers of theirs have noticed the "sexual" tension between the two.

Everytime my friend tries to break things off with Stringy, Stringy manages to reel him back in with a text or two. Stringy even told him that he talked to his brother about him but his brother told him not to break up a good thing with his girlfriend. It's crazy.

So the problem is that my friend may have met a guy that he would like to get to know and maybe start a relationship with. But he fears that his feelings for Stringy may get in the way of that.

He may be right. He told me that he recently offered to give Stringy a ride to the train station and got pissed when Stringy decided it was nice enough to walk. Not a good sign, huh?

How does he get over Stringy? Can he?


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Sucky Old Poetry

Marlon mentioned in one of his entries how his poetry sucks. But then he proceeded to write a damn good poem. I was taking a trip down memory lane and found a truly horrendous poem I wrote at some point in high school about High School. I must've been crazy when I wrote that. Considering what I went through during that time, I actually wrote a very sappy piece on my fellow classmates. Maybe I was projecting what I wished high school was like. In my defense, I think I was a freshmen when I wrote that crap.

I can truly say that this poem is hokey and I cringe just looking at it. But I want to share it to prove that I, not Marlon, deserve the title for sucky poet.

Brace yourselves. Here it is.

Tuesday, April 7, 1987

Dear Journal,

(A hokey intro you don't need to see...*LOL*)

High School

High school is a place for mature teenagers
Not for those who act like 1st graders
It's a place for learning, a place for caring
A place for loving, a place for sharing
Where teachers give an education
To prepare us all for graduation
High school should be an enjoyable time
Cause it's only once in a lifetime

Freshmen come in happily and eagerly (on what fucking planet...*LOL*)
Not knowing how to behave properly
Some are very nice
While others should be put on ice
There are times when they're the scapegoats of the school
Making teachers think that they're the fools

Sophomores stil keep to their Freshmen ways
Sometimes being more dreadful on certain days
Popularity sometimes is the major plus
Without it, life may be a major bust
Reputations in, studies are out
This motto seems to spread all about

Juniors by now mature quite a bit (I'm gagging as I type this...*LOL*)
But keep old habits well lit
Classes are a bit harder
Even for those that are smarter
At this point, we're closer to Senior Year
This thought makes all cheer

Seniors think of graduation
Senioritis starts its infiltration
Hectic classes leave little relaxation
Because of stiff competition for Valedictorian (I wound up 3rd in GPA - so close yet so far...*LOL*)
By graduation you keep your head (barely)
And then wonder where all the time went

All I can say is I'm glad that Big Marz is repping for the high schoolers now...:-)

Monday, March 06, 2006

Young. Black. Male. Gay.

Dance. Music. Sex. Romance. (Ok. I don't know where that came from. *LOL*)

I was on the phone for nearly three hours Sunday chatting with Beans. You'll recall Beans was part of my trifecta weekend of dates. Hemingway we actually were supposed to hang out last weekend at some bar but I wasn't able to make it. I sensed that he wanted to ask me to hang out again but didn't want to come out and say it. Honestly I wasn't really feeling like going out since the weather was slightly sucky but not wanting to blow him off again, I decided to ask him if he wanted to hang out. He quickly agreed.

He told me about his weekend up to that point, which included a trip to Indianapolis with a group to see a play. I don't remember exactly what he went to see. I focused more or less on his company during the trip.

Beans mentioned being in a van with ten other people, most of whom he didn't know. The driver of the van organized the trip and got all the participants together. Beans cracked me up with tales of one brother that farted multiple times. Another brother was dressed up in a brown fur coat and being a 'diva'.

I got the gist from Beans words that everyone in the van were gay. He mentioned that several of the attendees were dressed very flamboyant and overly feminine. Beans noted that as a result, a lot of attention (both positive and negative) was focused on them when they arrived at the theatre.

So Hemingway Beans mentioned that the driver was looking to mentor a few of the young black gay men in the community. Basically be a role model for how to make it as gay men in a prejudiced society. Beans stated that in his opinion one of the things that young black gay men needed to learn was how to act like men.

With those words, I know I'm entering controversial waters. Beans made the point that a lot of the images blacks gays receive on how to act comes from the white gay community. I had to think about it but in a lot of ways, what Beans said was true. I mean the so-called "gay accent" that a number of gays I know have I first heard from white guys. If anyone can prove me wrong, I'm more than welcome to hear it.

He argued that a lot of gay blacks assume that they're facing discrimination because they're gay when in actuality it's because they're black. (Of course it is possible that a person can be discriminated because they're both black and gay. Between the two, though, which trait is the more obvious of the two? I think your blackness would stand out before your gayness.)

So Hemingway, Beans argued that if a decision maker that happens to be white had to choose between two gay men, one white and one black, they would choose the white gay guy. Gay black men are doubly shunned by both the white community and the black community at large.

Let's get back to Beans basic opinion of young gay black men needing someone to teach them how to be a man. When it comes down to it, what does it mean to be a man? If you're able to bench press 200 lbs, does that make you more of a man? How about if it's only 100 lbs? Are you less of a man? If you cry during a movie, does that make you less of a man?

Let's take it up a level. How should a gay black man act? Is it required for a gay black male to have a "gay accent"? Must a gay black male be a good dresser? Must the words "girl", "honey chile" or "bitch" be spoken in each sentence? If you don't do none of those things, are you less of a gay?

When it gets right down to it, there are about as many answers to how a person should act based on their orientation as there are people living.

I do think young men, regardless of sexual orientation, do need some guidance. The bottomline is that these men need to be productive citizens and not contribute to the ills of society. The question becomes how do you reach out to them and what message do you give.

For better or worse, the media's protrayals of how certain segments act greatly influences how said segments do act. The key I think is that as long as you're a productive member of society, how you decide to rep yourself is secondary. Ultimately when it comes down to it, how an individual lives their life is completely up to them. You can lead a horse to water (in other words, guide a person however you think they should act) but you can't make them drink it.

As for hanging out, Beans wanted to go to a bar on the southside. I swung by his neck of the woods to pick him up. He had a hankering for Harold's chicken so we stopped there to get a bite to eat. It was pretty uneventful. When we got to the club, Beans decided he didn't want to go, namely because it didn't look crowded enough, plus it was a $5 cover.

So I drove him back home and then headed back myself.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Guilty Pleasures

I'm chilling out at home today listening to Guilty from Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibbs. I was first exposed to Guilty when my Mom used to play the record growing up. My Mom's favorite song from Guilty was Woman In Love. My Mom would sing the song while cooking dinner, cleaning around the house, washing clothes, or whenever the mood hit her. My Mom seemed so happy whenever singing that song.

I never was much of a Streisand fan. Not so much because I didn't like Streisand. Clearly Barbra Streisand has some great pipes. And obviously she has legions of fans and has been singing for well over three decades. I guess for me Streisand was more in my parent's generation and I was looking for my artists that were more current for me. I was an 80's pop kid. My artists of choice include Tears For Fears, Duran Duran, New Edition, Heart, umm, Stacey Q (what, Two of Hearts was the bomb song...*LOL*).

Last year, however, I was poking around Amazon and saw that Streisand and Gibbs reunited and created a new album, appropriately titled Guilty Pleasures. I mean, their last album, nearly 30 years ago was titled Guilty. So the updated title made sense. They even tried to do the same pose, except now it's from the waist up.

I didn't listen to the samples at that time but it made me hanker for their original pairing. So I purchased Guilty and have been grooving to it ever sense. I'm currently digging What Kind of Fool (you know, continuing my whole Foolish Heart theme...*LOL*). I'm beginning to see Barbra Streisand in a different light.

Who knows? Maybe I'll cop and buy their reunited effort. Actually maybe I'll get it for my parent's 36th anniversary. They don't really keep up with musical trends much these days. This will definitely surprise them.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Over The Hump

I can't believe that another week is wrapping up. Just a bit of a warning. This entry is about to be a bit random. Just some random thoughts that have laid residence in my mind. So if my writing is a bit jumbled up you know why. You know how E do.

Okay. Is anyone else watching the second helping of Deal or No Deal being passed on NBC? They need to retool a few things. Like do we really need so many freaking commercial breaks. Could we lose the banker segment and the introduction of loved ones. They could get at least one more contestant in if they didn't have those time wasters.

Wouldn't the show be hotter if they had 26 Chippendale dancers doing the reveals on the suitcases? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not hating on the lady models. Some of them are hot and have me wanting to switch teams. This beauty like Claudia pleases my eyes everytime I see her. She could be my secret girlfriend. She's currently briefcase girl #1.
And to not be totally hateful, they could alternate between the models and the chippies on different days.

What's up with Howie, though? Doesn't he seriously look deranged? Time hasn't been that kind to him. I don't think bald is his color. I heard he's a germophobe too. I'm surprised actually he agreed to do this show.

Hemingway, anyone watch Wednesday and Thursday night's shows as this hot, tall brother walked away with a quarter of a million dollars? I so wanted to hug him when he was tearing up over the decision to risk the guaranteed $250,000 or go for the half mill.

Then there was the sister that walked away with $5. That had me rolling actually, especially with all the histrionics her family and she were doing on the stage beforehand. They even had a choir singing some rendition of Deal or No Deal. It was crazy. I had to cover my eyes in embarassment during that segment.

Of course, I was turned on to the Deal or No Deal online game months ago. I won the million dollars three times. Sigh...if only it were real. And why did I pick the winning case both Wednesday and Thursday and not get the viewer 10 grand. Bah.

Speaking of real, why couldn't I be the winner of the Mega Millons lottery game? I don't play the lottery regularly but for a shot at $267 million, I had to give it a try. Anyone living in Illinois, Georgia, Michigan, Maryland, and a couple other states I can't remember can play. I guess I have to work and try to pick a hot stock to make my millions...*LOL*.

But hey, I did win a parking spot in front of my job's building for the month of March. That's got to count for something, right?

Okay. Oooh. Flavor of Love last Sunday. Did anyone catch the last five minutes? Oh my gosh. I couldn't believe Pumkin had the audacity (heh...sorry New York I know that's your favorite word, next to nervouses) to spit on New York like that. I'm thinking that spit was digitally enhanced but nonetheless she did hack some phlegm. It was comedy gold afterwards when New York pushed her towards the camera. The sound editors on the show need a serious pay raise. They're working it. Actually next time they pass a marathon, which I believe may be this Sunday, I'm gonna have to record it from the beginning. This trainwreck simply must be viewed again and again and again.

In other news, I bowled like shit tonight. My average is supposed to be a 163. But I bowled a 138 and a 117 in that order. My other star bowler wasn't bowling for shit either and of course, blaming me for not giving him inspiration. That's Reid for ya...*LOL*. He wants me to house his boat for the winter in my garage. I'm like hell to the no but he keeps bugging. But Hemingway I sorta sidetracked a bit there. Back to bowling. So things weren't looking great in the 3rd game either, but your boy E got it together in the ninth and tenth frames. By the end of the 8th, I had a whopping 104 without the mark. So I strike in the ninth. And then I strike out in the tenth, which shot my final score to 164. Actually my teammates also bowled well in the ninth and tenth. And a little luck was on our side with the other team's star bowler guttering his first ball in the tenth (on a spare). We barely squeaked by with series, winning that by 2 pins. We were 2nd place coming in this week but I think we probably slipped to 4th or something. It's all good, though.

Back to Celebreality for a minute. Young M.C. was fucking hot in the finale of Celebrity Fit Club 3. I mean, I didn't see anything wrong with him before the show. He held his 275 pounds well. But the final weigh in and the computer morphing of his body afterwards. Just wow. He's much better looking than Gunnar Nelson in my humble opinion. And this is from a guy who didn't think Young M.C. was all that back in the day. He could bust a move my way anytime.

But I'm about to bust a move....into bed, that is. Thanks for reading my random thoughts. Feel free to leave comments. I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading them. Until next time, PEACE!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Corporate America's Sick

Actually they suck. That's a given, of course. Unfortunately you need a job to take care of your basic needs. They say the U.S. is tops in productivity. But at what price?

I was chatting with Chad last night. He wasn't in the best of moods. He has a possible case of the measles. He mentioned little red bumps appearing all over his body. Surprisingly he didn't have a fever or any cold-like symptoms. But the bumps itched furiously and were hyper sensitive to the cold.

He dreaded having to use another sick occurence at his job. A sick occurence allows a person to take as long as they need to get well. His company allows each employee to have up to six occurences. Unfortunately he's already used two and the year's still young.

He called this morning and the bumps are getting worse. He even feels them on his lips. He still doesn't feel feverish, though. He wants to go into the office to see if he can convince them to let him check things out without using a sick occurence. His fear is if he uses another occurence, that he'll be penalized down the road. Meaning that if there ever was a time they needed to lay off folks, the frequency of time being sick may be taken into account.

I always thought sick occurences were the bomb to have. But maybe he had a point about its potential disadvantages.

My company doesn't have sick occurences. But rather sick days are lumped with your vacation. The system is that you use up a day whenever you need to take care of personal business, take a vacation, or are sick. A lot of folks, myself included, balk at having to use our vacation days as sick time. So people come to work hacking, sneezing, and coughing. Then next thing you know, other people in the office start getting sick. It's annoying. On any given day, someone will be coughing and sneezing incessantly. This annoying dude that sits on the other side of me was sick for nearly a month. I get irritated because I really don't want to start coughing and sneezing again. Unfortunately I do have occasional spells still.

If folks weren't so worried about wasting days being sick, we wouldn't have to deal with sick employees spreading their germs to everyone else. I overheard a couple of ladies talking near my cube, one of them trying to convince the other to stay home because she was really sick. Of course, she didn't want to because of work obligations. Please...girlfriend didn't want to use up any vacation days. And of course, her sick ass was spreading her germs.

The cycle continues.