Monday, August 28, 2006

Still Breathing

I've been neglecting my blog lately. I haven't been in much of a writing mood for some reason. I'm trying to snap out of this funk. I promise to put an update soon. In the meantime, I'll make my rounds in the blog community to see what everyone else is saying.

I've started reading an interesting book that I think everyone should check out.

The Velvet Rage: Overcoming The Pain Of Growing Up Gay In A Straight Man's World.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

A Nerd Like Me

I recently had a couple dates with a half-way decent guy.

His profile stated that he was always a gentleman and someone with a sense of class. As Madonna would sing in Sorry, I heard it all before. But something in his pose seemed to say that he may be for real. Of course plenty have done a great impersonation of a good guy. But since I still haven't been totally jaded by men (despite their best efforts), I thought I'd give this one a ride.

It wasn't long after our initial exchange that Aviation and I exchanged numbers. I quickly learned that Aviation was a southern gentleman that was currently a flight attendant for a major airline. He spoke with a heavy southern accent and sounded a bit dorky. Yet something about him was endearing.

Aviation mentioned that he had a bad habit of starting relationships with "needy" folks. He told me how one of his dates started with the guy asking to borrow some money. His last significant ex, who he said he legally married and divorced (wow), almost put him in bankruptcy with his obsession with living the fine life. His ex had to have the latest designer clothes and also styled Aviation, who himself is more of a jeans & t-shirt type of guy. It had gotten to the point that they were unable to pay for basic necessities because of this. Crazy!

So Aviation was immediately attracted to me because he perceived that I was a guy that can hold his own. Someone that wouldn't need to be bailed out of bad situations. In a lot of ways, I'm a bit dorky myself. So could two dorks make things work out? *LOL*

We decided to meet at a halfway point between our houses for our first date. That half-way point happened to be Oakbrook Center. With many choices in fine dining, we agreed to meet at Cheesecake Factory. My last time at CF was during my company's holiday lunch last December. We agreed to meet around 4:30 for a late lunch. Things didn't quite work out that way. I got there at about 4:20 because I was off work that day. But Aviation called me while I was slowly inching my way through the bitchy traffic, telling me that he would be a little bit late because he was getting his A/C fixed at his place. (That reminds me I need to take care of mine before the end of summer...*LOL*)

He wound up getting there at 6:45. Since I was at the mall, I killed time window shopping and actually buying some shirts at Eddie Bauer. I was very hungry, though, so I was desperately hoping for a food court. Unfortunately there didn't appear to be one. At around 6PM, I moseyed towards CF, thinking that Aviation would arrive around that time, but he was stuck in traffic. I decided to make a reservation in my name, telling the hostess that my "friend" should be arriving shortly. To kill some time, I called Eugene. After twenty minutes with Eugene and another update from Aviation, I decided to go towards the bar. I had one glass of Merlot. I was feeling the effects of the Merlot right away since I hadn't eaten much that day so needless to say I was feeling loopy. But I had enough self-awareness that I'm not loopy if I'm around strangers. I guess I needed one more...*LOL*.

I get a phone call from Aviation saying that he's in the mall. So after finally pinning the bartender again (it took me ten minutes to get an order from her), I paid for my drink and headed back towards the lobby area of the restaurant.

Maybe five minutes after that, Aviation walked in. I think it was mostly the wine but I was really happy to see him and instantly recognized him. I walked up to the hostess and told her that I assumed the reservation I made almost an hour earlier was gone. But she told me no as she handed me the CF pager, telling me that it should ring momentarily. It did within two minutes so we were ushered to our table/booth. I found myself having to focus on my walking to keep from falling. (Imagine if I had two Merlots...*LOL*)

So I'm sitting there laughing at Aviation's corny jokes and just laughing for no reason. Aviation does have the gift of gab as he talked on and on about his family, friends, and job.

Focusing on the food for a moment...*LOL*...One thing that disappointed me about CF was their buffalo wings. I remember years back (I'm talking 1995/96 so wayyyyyyyy back) that they used to be so good. They were big and juicy and almost was a meal in itself. I ordered them with their buffalo sauce and they come out with these tiny, dry, drenched with too much buffalo sauce wings. Normally I rarely bitch about the food I receive, even if it doesn't turn out to be what I expected. Avaition agreed and we told them to take the wings back. The waitress said she'd give us a new batch. She bought them back and we could tell they just drenched them up more. So we took those back and scratched our order of that and got some calamari, which was okay. I was disappointed that the wings weren't the same as I remembered.

But Hemingway Aviation and I concluded after our dinner date, that we would like to see each other again. That date was on August 3rd. Since then, we've kept in contact every now and then to see how things are going.

We even discussed going on a trip together next month for him to see some property in White Bluff, TX. He got the info based on some infomercial that Erik Estrada (he used to be so hot in the 80s) was in. Aviation just wants to go for the free trip and hotel stay. I have to be careful with this because I don't want to fall into the trap of having sex with him so soon (especially since we're staying in the same room). Historically time and time again, whenever I've given myself up to a guy, I never see them again. I don't know...maybe I suck at sex...*LOL*. But every single time, I doubt it.

I want to spend time getting to know other aspects of Aviation before doing that step...for once. He has also said that he wants me to decide when that moment is right so that's cool.

I also told him that before we go to each other's places (where no sex will occur immediately ... maybe a little mack session...but that's it...*LOL*), that we should go out in public at least three times.

On that note, our second date was this past Wednesday. We decided to also do it at Oakbrook Center again, this time opting for Wildfire. The second date was cool, though it felt a bit different since I was more sober. The way Aviation was talking, I kept getting the sense that he wanted us to have a future together but it just seemed too fast for me. When I called him on it, he stated that he was just talking in general. He really got into talking about designing his new home and then having his partner (a word he repeated often) pick out the colors all the while looking at me. Maybe I'm overly sensitive...*LOL*.

Hemingway so that date ended okay. I like Wildfire but you definitely get the sense that they're trying to rush you out of the restaurant, which got a bit annoying.

We haven't kissed or anything on either of those dates. We haven't planned a third date but I'm hoping it'll be something we can do during the day, like on a weekend. The main obstacle to this is since he works as a flight attendant, his weekends are usually spent working. And when he's off during the week for a few days, I'm working. I think he may have a free weekend coming up soon, so I definitely hope we can talke advantage of that and go on a breakfast or lunch date, maybe even do some indoor activity (that's not sex...*LOL*).

I'm cautiously optimistic and am treating this like I would a job interview. I'll keep you posted.


Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Simply Beautiful

A brief interlude by the lovely Jody Watley.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Chutes & Ladders

I received a bombshell earlier this month from SLAB telling me that they were looking to roll me off my current team and transfer me to another one. The corporate plan as announced to us about a year back was that plans were underway to move our office further north. It was a move that wouldn't sit too well with me since I live much further south than that. So in anticipation of preparing for the move, which won't be for another eighteen months at least, it was decided that I would be transferred to another group.

I was unable to get from SLAB a solid date on when this was happening. I didn't get a sense that I even had much say in the matter. It is possible that I might've changed my mind about things. But I think the fact that I didn't exactly protest much when SLAB announced it to me probably said otherwise.

Truth be told, I have been in the same area for almost six years and it probably wouldn't hurt to have a change of scenery before my official "scenery change". A couple things concerned me, though.

One. Where would I go? If I wasn't going to have a say as to where I'm going, does that mean they could put me in some crazy group and I end up with a boss I really can't stand. As much as SLAB annoys at times, I've gotten used to his style and he's actually not bad most of the time. And there are some groups out there that I don't want to be in.

Two. What would happen to my so-called promotion that's been dangled in front of me for the last two years? If they roll me off before that happens, does this mean that it'll be null and void. I would lose seniority and would have to start over again working my way up the ladder since the other people in the new group would have seniority over me. The thing is that it's not like I care for the promotion persay but a small part of me feels it'd be nice to have something for all my years of work.

Keep in mind that I am hoping to branch out from the company on my tenth anniversary so some may wonder why I care. I think it's more the principal than anything else. And it'd be nice to end my career on a high note just in case I need to fall back on it.

I was told that in anticipation of me being rolled off that I would need to train a couple other team members to learn my tasks. There's a lot that only I know and they don't want to be left in the lurch in the event I roll off or leave. So I've been doing just that and in the meantime keeping my fingers crossed that things will work itself out. What else can I do?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Wouldn't you know it? Today was my first day from my vacation and SLAB pulls me aside. He extends his hand towards me and congratulates me. I officially got my promotion, which will be effective September 1st. Woo hoo!


Thursday, August 10, 2006

Return Of The Voice

That's right. It's time for another audio blog. I discuss my fascination with the Master Cleanse as well as my latest TV viewing habits. Enjoy!

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

Ugh...tomorrow's gonna be a bitch at the airport...and I have a 7AM flight! Oy!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Stalker In Me

"Why do I hear the twilight zone music all of a sudden?

You crazy for swinging by his place, that's some stalker stuff right there babe!" - Ladynay (girl, I've been mentioning your name on my blog so much lately that I need hazard pay...*LOL*)

Well you know they say crazy is as crazy does (Heh...that was a recent entry, wasn't it?). Oh wait? Wasn't that supposed to be stupid is as stupid does? Well crazy and stupid are pretty close in their meanings.

Crazy - affected with madness; insane.

Well yeah, that was quite insane of me to drop by Chad's place. I mean, who knows how he might've reacted.

Stupid - slow to learn or understand; obtuse

Umm, I guess that would apply to me too when it comes to guys.

So the words aren't as close in meaning as I thought. Yet either word would apply.

Hemingway I'm over Chad. I added an 'X' in front of his name on my cellie just in case he decides to call me. He hasn't so far, thank god. I mean, two crazy people together. That's a recipe for Jerry Springer.

But I couldn't help but think of the other times in my recent life that I've come dangerously close to stalking a guy. Hell I even stalked Eugene before we officially became friends.

You'll recall that I had to repeatedly email Eugene before he finally said two words to me. Eventually I came to accept that he wasn't sexually attracted to me and realized Eugene's worth as a friend. I guess Eugene saw something in me too.

That was a good stalk, if that's possible.

There were other guys on that there umm, site, which I umm, sorta still visit, but Hemingway...I would email them and they wouldn't respond and eventually I would say something belligerant and they'd block me.

It kind of perplexes me why I can't take the hint that these dudes weren't interested in me. Before Ladynay's comments on my blog, Eugene did tell me months ago that had he known about the concept of blocking, that he might've blocked me. I told him about other dudes that I emailed incessantly (until they blocked me...*LOL*) and he asked me why I feel compelled to do what I do.

I don't really have an answer. I think part of it is that I like the challenge. Actually I think that's a real big part. Think about Matt, the nice guy I met a few months ago when Eugene was in town visiting me. Now he let it be known that he was into me. But did I reciprocate. No I didn't. I mean, I gave it the ol' college try and called him once or twice afterwards, usually due to Eugene guilt tripping me. But my heart just wasn't into it. Matt wasn't a challenge. I guess if he were a jerk I'd be more into him.

I do think about that irony a lot, though. I mean I don't know why I like jerks. Maybe it's the same thing when women obsess over a jerk. They're hoping that they're the one that can change him and make him whole. Maybe that's my issue. I'm hoping that I can make them see that I'm worthy of getting to know.

But as I'm reminded, are they worthy of my time? Nine times out of ten, if they're not able to see my worth, then the answer is no. Easier said than done, though.

I've even thoguht about parking in front of a dude's house to watch his moves and see where he goes. I've never done it (Scout's honor...*LOL*) but Eugene told me the fact that I thought about it makes me 'stalker potential'.

I do realize that what I'm doing is wrong and I have definitely improved at least in the emailing guys that don't show a smidgen of interest in me. But my little dilly dally with Chad proves that the stalker tendencies are never far away.

Truth be told, I was afraid to post this entry since I feared how everyone would react. But then I thought about it and said that this is just another facet of me that I wanted to share with you guys. It's not all peaches and cream...:-)

And I'm planning on blogging about my recent date (who is a true Southern far), the latest at my job, internet dating, and throw an audio blog to boot. I just wanted to see which was most popular.

I'm headed out to Boston this Friday so I may have to hustle to get one more entry in before I go.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

All Mixed Up

I have a lot of things to write about but it's all jumbled up right now. I mean, nothing heavy. Maybe I should put it to a vote what my next post should be about.

Should I....

a) Talk about the stalker in me. Ladynay's observation in my last entry got me thinking of my stalkery ways beyond my visit to Chad.

b) I had a date last Wednesday with an actual nice guy that I'm semi-attracted to and we've been keeping in touch.

c) Eugene and I recently mulled about dating life before the Internet and how the convenience of the Internet affects our interactions with guys today.

d) On the workfront, I found out recently that they're looking to roll me off my team at some undisclosed date. My so-called promotion is now targetted for mid-September. Since I'm being rolled off, why are they dangling the promotion thing in my head?

e) It's been a minute since I've done a voice message. Anyone miss my bored, sleepy, five-star hotel sound?

Let me know what you think.