Reflections - Diana Ross & The Supremes
Through the mirror of my mind
Time after time
I see reflections of you and me
The way life used to be
The love you took from me
Oh, I'm all alone now
No love to shield me
Try in a world that's...
A distorted reality
Happiness you...took from me
And left me alone
With only memories
Through the mirror of my mind
Through each tear that I've cried
Reflects the hurt I can't control
'Cause although you're gone
I keep holdin' on
To the happy times
Ooh, when you were mine
As I peer through the window
Of lost time
Looking over my yesterdays
And all the love I gave all in vain
Another year is coming to an end. It's that time of year to reflect on the year and all the good and bad that came from it. Dating wise....it was the year that started out typically enough. Psycho dates, boring dates, annoying dates, lying dates, dissing dates. But lots of dates. It amazed me how I went from date to date with guy to guy and not be seriously jaded. I did seriously question the gene pool of men out there while taking the time to sample a few of those dates. Hey...gotta get mine, right?
Hemingway my year in dating appears to be ending on a positive note. The Rock (not that Rock...I wish...*LOL*) managed to do something that none of my other dates have. He's stuck around. So far things are going great. He seems (gotta be cautious still) to be keeping it real. We're still chatting daily, even if it's for two minutes. And we've managed to see each other practically every weekend despite his living in Rockford. It does help that I'm living at a midpoint between Rockford and his family on the Southside of Chicago.
We were supposed to hang out the Wednesday before I left for Detroit but he had a difficult account at the job he needed to wrap up on since he planned on taking the rest of 2006 off. It was fine, though. We hung out after the holidays and even exchanged gifts. He got me a zipper sweater jacket (I don't know if I'm describing it right). It was in black, our favorite color. I got him this book on South Park & Philosophy that looks at the philosophical wisdom found from South Park. The show is one of his favorites and I figured he'd get a kick out of it.
Our New Year's Eve plans are still on. So it looks like I'll end 2006 and begin 2007 on a positive dating note. Hopefully it'll continue.
Speaking of holidays, my time in Detroit was okay. The usual family drama prevailed. My folks, particularly my Mom, continue to question the choices of men my sisters Tasha and Trina have latched on to. I question it too but with my dating experiences, who am I to judge? And wait till my parents find out officially about me. That'll be a party. I'm not looking forward to that day but it's coming soon. I can feel it. It's time. That time will likely be sometime in 2007.
One thing I will give to gay dating (and it's not much), men come and go so quickly. I don't have to deal with the bs long and luckily the guys I've dated revealed their inner asshole early enough so I didn't get too (and I say 'too' loosely...*LOL*) attached to them. I may have lamented over them for a brief period but I was always able to move on. None have stuck the way my sisters' guys have.
I won't harp on their guys long since ultimately they'll have to get their own blogs. But from I hear, Tasha's guy has trust and gambling issues (this info was given by Tasha herself). He never takes Tasha out anywhere to my parents' knowledge and only comes by for a nightcap every so often & disappears the next morning. I mean, maybe that's all Tasha wants (we never talk about it since I don't talk about my love life) but it's been over five years. My parents are also concerned that Tasha doesn't have the best money management skills (she did file bankruptcy years back) and probably needs a good guy that can be a partner in that regards, which they don't feel this guy is. My Dad particularly says that since Tasha has this guy in her life that she's blocking herself from meeting her true prince (though Sally would argue Detroit men all suck...*LOL*).
Trina's current guy came into her life when she started her downfall (my Mom would say...*LOL*) taking a job at a popular retail clothier store in the metro Detroit area. The men that she's dated all met her or worked at this place. The current one she's seeing has been some part of her life since she started there. He was married with five kids at the time he became involved with my sister. It's been a tumultuous history. At the worst point my Mom swore that Trina was on drugs and that he was the provider.
If I had any complaints about the situation, I'd say that it seems like they're joined at the hip. Everywhere Trina goes, he goes. When I came in town for Easter, I wanted to confess to my sister privately about my sexuality. She would've been the first family member I officially told (as I think she'd be the most understanding). But unfortunately he was around (I guess I was at their place) and I really didn't want to discuss it with him around.
They came to the family house late on Christmas for the Secret Santa exchange. My Dad was Trina's Secret Santa. Since he doesn't do the gift thing, he gave her cold hard cash. During a private moment I had in the kitchen with my Mom, she told me that it looked like her guy was mentally spending the money. I think I may have saw the look too. Then there was the mention of both having life insurance policies on each other. But I've already said too much.
All I can do is pray for us all.
Eugene and I even had a bit of a minor spat. He and I came together to Detroit via Amtrak. I admit Amtrak has proven to be a nice moneysaver over the airlines. My total cost was $60, with an additional $30 for taxis & Metra.
So back to the spat. While in Detroit, I borrowed my Dad's car and met Eugene at a downtown Starbucks. He spent about fifteen minutes while I was there debating with this white guy the age old "evil corporate America" syndrome. (I don't deny it but I've heard the argument too many times before.) Later on after the guy left, we were chatting about Eugene's various friends in his life and how one particular one (the guy he went to Hawaii with) was like a brother to him. So I asked him if he thought of me that way. Eugene told me he didn't.
One thing I'll say. Yes I was baiting him. I did ask the question so I should've anticipated the answer and accepted whatever that answer would be. Eugene is not one to sugarcoat his feelings. Tact is not his middle name.
Needless to say his answer hurt me, especially considering that I did think of him as a brother. I stayed for a few more minutes and decided to leave. Eugene was trying to get me to stay but I was ready to bolt.
On my route back, Eugene called and of course asked me about my attitude. He wanted to confirm why I was upset and once he confirmed, he did his best to explain his reasoning. In a nutshell, we haven't had enough life experiences together due to our locations. It's through these that he gets his connections with folks. We only at most see each other two or three times a year and even though we chat daily, we don't have enough of those experiences. It's like we're penpals in a way talking about each other's lives and only occasionally are in snippets of it.
I understood. But it took me a bit of time to let it sink in. I was still a little pissy with him but I gradually let it go and now realize his feelings for our friendship doesn't negate my feelings for it. I'm hopeful that we'll eventually have enough life experiences together in that he'll think of me in that regards too.
Getting back on the Secret Santa tip, Tasha wound up being my Secret Santa and she got me an MP3 player. It was cool since I had a refurbished MP3 Rio that I bought from Overstock that's since died. I have an Ipod currently but I like having both types so I'll definitely put the player to good use. Trina was Tasha's Secret Santa and got her a Victoria Secret's gift certificate. My Mom was my Dad's Secret Santa for the second year in a row so she of course opted out of giving a gift. I was my Mom's Secret Santa and I got her the bath set from Macy's.
On the job front, I'm inching closer to hitting my tenth anniversary with my company and my hopeful resignation. So far I'm not where I want to be in terms of savings but I'm keeping the faith that the moves I made in 2006 will pay off sometime in 2007 and give me that freedom, even if I have to stay a little bit longer. We'll see.
Hemingway it's been a real interesting year. As I type my last words for 2006, I've come to the conclusion that I'm still striving for that elusive IT. However life is meant to be a journey. IT wasn't meant to be easy and I suppose IT would be boring if everything went the way I wanted IT to. Hopefully 2007 will be an overall positive year.
Happy New Year to everyone!!!!