Thursday, January 31, 2008

Mailing My Heart

Sending My Love - Zhané

[Chorus 1]

If I could mail my heart
Right to you, I would

I'd pack it up

Seal it tight
And I'd send it over night

[Verse 1]

Every time I hear your voice
And I look into your eyes

Sends a burning sweet sensation

Oh, inside of me

The look in your eyes

Has found me

I am sending

Sending my love to you

Praying that you are home

Sealing it with a kiss
Sending my love

Sending my love to you

Praying that you are home

Sealing it with a kiss
Sending my love

[Chorus 2]

With my heart in your hands

I'm as helpless as a baby

I'm in desperate need of your love

So just send it right away

[Verse 2]

I've been thinking 'bout you, boy

Because you're so far way
Makes me want to send you all this love

Inside of me

The look in your eyes

Has found me

I am sending

Sending my love to you
(Baby I am waiting)

Praying that you are home

(For you to come home to me)
Sealing it with a kiss

(Uh huh)

Sending my love

(Sending my love)

Sending my love to you
(Sending my love)

Praying that you are home
(When you come home)
Sealing it with a kiss

(With a kiss)

Sending my love

(Sending my love)

[Repeat Chorus 1]

I wonder what became of Zhané. Hemingway I was listening to the song and had the craziest thoughts. What if I literally mailed my heart to Rock? First off, I'd need someone to remove it from my chest. I'm a bit squeamish about self mutilation. So then say I had someone remove my heart. Assumedly once this is done, I would die. Then I'd have to trust that the person does what's instructed. They'd have to pack it up, seal it tight, and overnight it to Rock.

Then I'm imagining what Rock would do when he received the package. I could imagine unless my heart is freeze dried that the blood would be spilling all over. Rock would probably freak out, throw the package away, and call me. He'd wonder why I never answered the night before but remember I'm dead. So he would worry, send a search party for me, and then kill whoever removed my heart.

So no I guess literally mailing your heart to someone isn't the greatest of ideas. Maybe I'll mail someone else's heart. *LOL*...just kidding.

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

Another Silly Song

Why can't I get this song out of my head? Ever since I heard it on the radio the other day, I've had it in my head. I didn't even know who sung it but I remembered it from the 80's. Thank goodness for Google...and YouTube. Now I know it's Level 42. Hemingway... Enjoy!


Thursday, January 17, 2008

What He Didn't Say

Originally this weekend the plan was to spend part of the weekend hanging out at Rock's. His friend Regine was also planning to come up this weekend. Things were set to go into motion until Rock suggested possibly holding off on the trip due to the bitter cold temperatures. He said that Regine herself may not come. So he wanted to put the plans up in the air.

To tell you the truth (sucky weather aside), I didn't really think weather should be that much of a factor. I hate the bitter cold but if I have to go somewhere, I'll kick and scream but would deal with it. But when Rock makes up his mind about something, it's very hard to change it. His concern was that with the bitter cold (he's thinking it could be -20 wind chill), he doesn't want my car to stall.

I wasn't really feeling his concern but I wasn't really up to arguing about it. You know my whole peace loving, non-confrontational personality. So for now, whether I come up or not Friday night is on hold.

I told Eugene about this and of course he sees things differently. He immediately told me there's a lie somewhere in Rock's story. He doesn't believe the bitter cold is enough to stop someone from driving to see someone. He especially questions it since I have a new car.

He again expressed that Rock seems to continue to "dictate" when we see each other. Plus he doesn't like that Rock puts the plan on hold, which forces me not to make alternative plans (not that I have any...yet...*LOL*).

The one thing about Eugene is that as much as I hate to admit it, he forces me to not take everything at face value. I was a bit pissy at Eugene but thinking about it, maybe there is more to the story than what Rock is letting on. His intuition about things is very uncanny.

Rock has been in the funkiest of moods for the last two weeks. He just seemed to be so flippant about everything. He's told me in the past how much he doesn't feel the guy that his friend Ned is with is the right one for him. Basically Ned has a passion for thuggish like men, which his boyfriend NDrama is. Apparently he finally laid it on the line with Ned on his true feelings for NDrama. What did it was Ned asking Rock why he can't get NDrama and Rude Dude to get along (For more background on these characters, check out my entry "That Couple".). Rock has told Ned in the past that you can't force people to get along with each other. So he told Ned that and also told him to stop picking up strays (which is actually kind of mean). So of course Ned was pissed off.

Also Regine and Rock have had their arguments recently. One of the biggest issues between them is how Regine is all "I'm queer, I'm here, get used to it" while Rock is more discreet. Regine always tells Rock that he needs to be honest about his sexuality with his family and work. Rock's argument is that he lives in Rockford (not exactly the most progressive city) and admitting to being gay would be career and personal suicide.

Apparently Regine's attitude has played a role in the conflict she's currently experiencing with her long-term partner. Rock confided that one issue was that Regine wanted to display a gay flag (I'm not sure if it was a bumper sticker of a flag or a mini-flag) in the back of their car. The concern her partner Usha has is that someone may see the flag and decide to vandalize the car. Rock took Usha's side on that particular issue and of course all hell broke loose.

Which brings me to a possible reason Rock may really not want me to come up this weekend. (I wouldn't even be speculating if it weren't for Eugene.) Hemingway Rock has expressed concern about Regine leaving her car in his driveway when she comes up. He has the same vandalism concerns. One reason he may not want me there is that maybe he doesn't want me caught in the middle between Regine and him. Another reason could be that he fears something may happen to my car by default since I would also be parked outside.

I'm also not sure Regine would let a little thing like cold weather stop her from going where she needs to go. I could possibly see her feeling lazy about the long drive since she lives on the South Side of Chicago, but that's about it.

So there you have it. I don't know whether this weekend will happen or if I even should confront Rock on my suspicions. The thing is I feel like if I do it'll be saying to him that I don't trust him. And I do trust him.

But I do feel better letting it all out....:-)

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Wild & Raw 2

Just another raw recipe that sounds so good. I should be back to blogging again soon.

chocolate pudding recipe with coconuts:

2 cups coconut meat
3/4 cup coconut water (more if needed to thin)
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/3 cup agave nectar
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2 tbl vanilla extract
1/4 tsp sea salt

In Vita-Mix or high speed blender, puree all the ingredients until completely smooth, stopping to scrape the sides as necessary. Chill for a firmer pudding.


Saturday, January 12, 2008

Wild & Raw

For some reason I'm curious to try this out. I've never been one for collecting recipes but for some reason it sounds intriguing. It's from this RAW food site, which in turn I got from the Master Cleanse message board.


1 cup wild rice
1 med. onion, chopped (Vidalias are great to use in season)
2 large tomatoes (or 4 medium)
2 large red bell peppers
2 large yellow bell peppers
1-1 1/2 cups freshly grated coconut
2/3 cup Coconut Cream -see Desserts
2 tsp. chili powder
1-4 garlic cloves, pressed or minced
2 tsp. ground coriander
1 tsp. ground brown mustard
1 to 2 tsp. lime zest, optional (use only undyed limes)
1 lime, juiced
Nama Shoyu and/or Celtic sea salt (to taste)

1) Soak l cup wild rice for 36-48 hours, changing the water two times. Then sprout for 2-6 days, until chewy, rinsing twice each day.
2) When the rice is ready, finely chop the onion, tomatoes, and red and yellow peppers, and grate the coconut. Mix together in a large bowl and add in the wild rice, which will have expanded to approx. 3 cups.
3) In a separate bowl, mix the Coconut Cream,* or Almond Yogurt, lime juice and zest, pressed garlic, spices and seasoning. Pour over the wild rice and vegetables, and toss well.
Serves 4. Keeps for 2-3 days in the refrigerator.


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Supersized Society


I've recently started a membership with Blockbuster Online, which is totally cool. There's so many movies and TV shows out there that I haven't seen. It definitely opens up my world a lot. I especially like the number of gay and lesbian movies that are available for rent. Blockbuster Online provides a nice way to get these movies without having to deal with the hassles of brick and mortar.

Believe it or not, I'm in the final days of yet another Master Cleanse (my 4th). I'm not doing it for weight loss, even though it's one of the things that happens while on it. I'm doing it for the benefits I see in my blood pressure as well as a general well-being of my intestinal system.

I started January 2nd and plan on completing another ten days this Friday.

So one of the movies I ordered from Blockbuster Online to get me in the mood for cleansing was the documentary Super Size Me! The basic premise was to follow director Morgan Spurlock as he spends the next 30 days eating for breakfast, lunch, and dinner food from the Golden Arches.
One of the rules he had was if a server asked him if he wanted the meal "super sized", that he would say yes.

The next two hours of the movie showed his descent to McDonald hell as the once healthy Spurlock went from 185 lbs to 210 lbs. Not only that but his once near perfect blood work was a thing of the past and according to three different doctors, not only was his cholesterol and triglycerides to the roof, he also risked liver damage.

In between the food fest, including nice footage of him vomiting a meal, little tidbits about McDonald's and how different folks view the corporation were included. This footage was filmed as Spurlock traveled across the U.S. going to various McDonald's. There was even one that delivers the food to your door.

One man who aside from bad hair looked to be of normal weight boasted of eating nine Big Macs a day when the sandwich first came out. Ironically his wife is a nutritionist. Another segment showed a couple who collected all kinds of Ronald McDonald memorabilia. The couple started out as collecting toys for one of their grandchildren and eventually they went crazy with it.

A lot of discussion focused on how McDonald's has locked themselves into American culture and the different strategies used to lure families to the restaurant. I learned that former Today weatherman Willard Scott used to be the original clown. But they got rid of him when he started to show a bit more girth. The clown then became the generic scary one that we know today. An interesting point made was that Ronald McDonald was never shown eating a burger.

Of course McDonald's biggest lure was the cheap toys that were included in the "Happy Meals". These toys appealed to kids and of course they beg their parents to go so they can collect them.

The idea behind all their ploys was to instill in kids' heads how much of a good time they had at McDonald's so that when they get older, they too would become consumers and bring their kids and the cycle would continue.

It then got into the nasty topic of how their food is processed. I was especially disgusted hearing about Chicken McNuggets and how so many different items besides chicken makes a McNugget. And to think I used to eat those during my college years. Yuck!

Needless to say the movie was perfect to set me in the mind of avoiding food. I haven't eaten in McDonald's in nearly a year and prior to that time, it was another long while. The last thing I ordered from there was a "chicken wrap" and even those aren't all that healthy.

As I looking through Subway's nutritional facts, I was dismayed to learn that even my favorite tuna sub is not that healthy either. It has more grams per fat than even a Big Mac. Here I thought I was doing a good thing eating that every day. So definitely once I get off this cleanse, I'll have to lay off the tuna subs and stick to the turkey, ham, or roast beef.

Getting back to McDonald's, though, I have to say growing up it was rare that we ever ate there. The majority of my meals were home cooked. (Yay Mom!) I started going more though once I started college. I was working part time with my Dad at our Church and when they opened a McDonald's next to us, my Dad would send me over there to get food once a week.

For a while after I graduated college and started making a living, I would go there every so often (in addition to Wendy's, KFC, Taco Bell, etc.). But at some point when I started having my health issues, I told myself that I needed to reduce significantly my trips to such places. For the most part I have. It's only on very rare occasions that I frequent fast food joints and if I do, I try to go for the more healthier options.

Hemingway in the new year, I'll continue to focus on trying to improve my health. The cleanse I'm doing now gives me time to evaluate what I'm doing and then hone in on what I can improve on. I may even consider eating a little more RAW, even though I'll always want the occasional steak.

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