Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Foolish Heart

My Foolish Heart - Paula Abdul

Wishing, dreaming
What a fool, wishing
Come on, come on
Here we go
Love song number 9
With a vengeance

Maybe tomorrow
Maybe never
One day you
Might keep a promise
Tell me I see you
But then baby where are you
I just don't know how I'm
Still in love with you
What you do
I haven't got a clue
I wish you could tell me
Why, my...

Foolish heart (baby)
'S got me into (oh my)
Foolish heart
'S got me into love again
(oh my)
Foolish heart (made me)
It made me love you
(Love you)
My foolish
My foolish heart

Maybe I'm wishing
Maybe I'm dreaming
For the way I used
To feel 'bout love
But I'm tired of dreaming
It's you I'm needing
I just don't know how I'm
Still in love with you
What you do
I haven't got a clue
I wish you could tell me
why, my...

Maybe I'm a fool to love ya
It really ain't cool
To show ya
But what can I do but give
You all my heart
I really don't need a reason
Ooh boy what I'm feeling
You made me love you
My foolish heart

Love song #9. Is that like Club Nouveau's Situation #9? I've been there many a times. And yeah, it's always blowing my mind.

I have this bad habit of putting the cart before the horse when it comes to potential relationships. As a result, I head for the big fall when things don't quite work out the way I'd expect.

You know how potential relationships start. You're talking on the phone every other day trying to get to know each other. Both of you are on your best behavior, not revealing all the crazy moments. Nothing that the other person says seems to phase you as you're laughing at his every joke (even the corny ones).

You feel that tingly excitement everytime you talk to each other. As the days goes on, you're thinking of the 2.5 kids and the big house on the picket fence. You're picking the china for your civil union. (Okay, maybe that's just me....*LOL*.)

Eventually a date is set when the two of you decide to meet for the first time. The big day comes. You both take a good look at each other, gauging whether or not that person's at least a good fuck.

You get through the date thinking that things are going really well. If you're unable to control yourself, you give in to your carnal desires. Maybe you decide to be good and not give in. The date's over. Then bam. Regardless of your decison, things aren't the same anymore.

You don't call each other as much as you used to. The times when you do call, the other person is busy with other pressing things.

But weren't you the most important thing before that fateful day? What happened? You thought the date went well. Did your breath stink? Did you give in too soon or held out too long? Maybe you were too gay. Should you have ordered all that food?

You're now burning the picket fenced house in your mind. The 2.5 kids are returned to the surrogate's womb. You're using the china for target practice. (Ok, maybe that's just me...*LOL*)

Your know-it-all friend (in my case, that would be Eugene...*LOL*) is going 'I told you so'! You want to shoot your friend but then you realize that you need to shoot yourself. You get some Haagen Dazs ice-cream and Lou Malnati's pizza and curse all men.

You somehow get through the weeks at work. You still have to work or else move back in with your parents. And that's a fate worse than death. (I love you Mama! I love you Daddy! *LOL*)

You vow that you'll be wiser the next time. But you fall into the same pattern with the next guy.

You realize that psychologically you're an imbecile. You're supposed to learn from your mistakes, right? Why can't you tell your foolish heart to keep things in check?

His name is Chad. We started chatting the day after Valentine's Day. And no, he wasn't my potential lay. We've been chatting for two weeks now. He seems too good to be true. He mentioned from the get-go not meeting right away because it usually winds up not working out. He's pretty courteous on the phone, admitting some of his tendencies as I slowly reveal mine.

It's taking everything I have to not fall into my old patterns.

Last night we set a meeting date. He suggested meeting March 15th, which will be a month since we started chatting. He wants to cook me dinner.

I'm excited but I'm also worried. Am I being an imbecile again?

I'm wishing. Dreaming. Needing. Wanting this to be different. What a fool.

I think I'll play Paula Abdul's Spellbound in the car today. Foolish Heart will be on repeat.


Blogger Cash S. said...

Trust me, it's not just you! Many of us succumb to this pattern; glad to see your taking a stand to break it.

8:39 AM, February 28, 2006  
Blogger lj said...

well you'll never get anywhere if you don't atleast try...sooooo keep trying.

11:46 AM, February 28, 2006  
Blogger Holiday N said...

i love the start of a new relationship..i love hearing about them,looking at them in the movies,and reading about them..it's soo romantic...it's that hard middle part where all the trouble and work is(mmmmmm hard middle part...lol)

anyaway,i learned a long time ago to curb my enthusiasm and approach people with little or no expectation..believe it or not,I too would love to be in love at some point in my life but I make sure to wait at least a few months before i even suspect them as a potential resident at "holiday n".

i am going to have to introduce you to people...because I think it's those online/phone line things that get people sooo excited..maybe if you knew what you were getting by meeting day 1 and hanging out a few times a week and doing the phone thing...the "mystery" of these guys would go away...maybe.

5:22 PM, February 28, 2006  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Now you know better than to ask me about anything related to dating or relationships.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:35 PM, February 28, 2006  
Blogger Marz said...

OKay I'm loving the china set ideas. (LOL)

If you know your patterns you should be able to avoid them. DON'T DRIVE DOWN MLK DRIVE IF YOU KNOW THERE ARE POTHOLES. (Get me? LOL)

I'll cross my fingers on the 15th.


11:20 AM, March 01, 2006  
Blogger Karamale said...

ekh. i'm bitter and cynical. but i wish you much success with this one, e. en serio.

5:20 PM, March 01, 2006  
Blogger Karamale said...

btw, i like the name chad.

5:25 PM, March 01, 2006  

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