Friday, September 02, 2005

Catering (To) MF(s)!

Cater 2 U - Sung by Bouncy's Chil'run

"Let Me Cater To You Cause Baby This Is Your Day
Do Anything For My Man Baby You Blow Me Away
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More
Anything You Want Just Let Me Cater To You
Inspire Me From The Heart, Can't Nothing Tear Us Apart
You're All That I Want In A Man; I Put My Life In Your Hands
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More
Anything You Want, I Want To Cater To You"

There's nothing wrong with catering to people once in a while. Sometimes it's even beneficial to do so in order to get what you want. But what if you're like me, taking it to a whole nother level. Basically becoming a "people pleaser" and putting yourself last.

Today's segment of 'what's wrong with eric g. today' focuses on my inability to say no sometimes.

Are you a people pleaser? Answer the following phrases with a 'YES' or 'NO'.

1) You find yourself agreeing with someone just to keep the peace. YES!
2) You stop what you're doing to help someone else with their problems. YES!
3) You're always the 'designated driver'. NO! (Err, only cause I don't really club...*LOL*)
4) You agree to things even if you deep down inside don't want to do it. YES!
5) You're considered the 'responsible' one that everyone turns to. YES!
6) You're treated like a walking bank. YES!

I can come up with numerous examples of where I would volunteer for something one time, do such a good job, then everytime the same event happens, you're automatically nominated to do it again. It may work a couple times but after a while, it gets tiring. But for some reason, the words 'noooooooooooooo' just can't come out of my mouth. As Prince (at least I think he's Prince again...*LOL*) would sing, It Does Not Compute.

I also lended money to both my sisters and a friend I lost contact with that I've never seen again. Honestly though, I didn't expect to get it back. I try my best to avoid lending out money now.

My most outrageous 'why the fuck didn't I say no moment' was when a co-employee friend of mine was looking for a place to crash for a month. This was last summer sometime. Charles had basically met the woman he wanted to marry. It would be his second marriage. His wife to be lived in a different state. Let's call it Maryland..*LOL*. She was deadset against moving to Chicago, so he decided to move to Maryland.

Months before the actual wedding, he called me one day and asked if he would be able to crash in my place for a month until he can move all his stuff to Maryland. Every fiber of my being was going, tell him 'no'! But did I listen to my fibers...say it Whitney, 'Hell to the NAW!'. I was like, 'okay, just let me know when.'

I actually had several valid reasons for not wanting him to crash with me. One, I've never had a roommate ever. I commuted all through college and hated my weekend orientation experience where I had to share a room. Two, Charles had no idea about my sexual preference and I wasn't sure I could keep it from him that long. Also I didn't know how he'd react.

I kept my fingers crossed that maybe he'd forget that he asked me. Of course, that didn't happen. About a week before he moved in, he called to let me know he'd be moving that weekend.

For the most part, it wasn't that bad living with Charles. The funny thing, my parents seemed upset when I told them Charles moved in temporarily. They kept going on about how he's taking advantage of me and stuff. In a way, they may have been right, but at the same time, now that I think about it, they had no say in what I do. Granted I really didn't want to have a temporary roommate, but the thing is I'm a grown ass man, living in my own house, paying the mortgage, etc. ,etc. What if I met the guy of my dreams(yeah right...*LOL*)and we decided to move in together. Are they gonna object to that? Oh yeah, I guess I'd have to come out at that point. That's gonna be a party...*LOL*. Honestly I think my dad would come around sooner than my mom. But that's another discussion...

I did think about my parent's concerns and asked Charles for $500. I even wrote out a contract that we both signed, listing specific things I'd provide and when he was to surrender his key. It was cool.

He did wind up finding out about me. I had inadvertently went to A4A and forgot to clear the history. He came up to the site and I tried going to another site but it was too late. There was this awkward silence for a few minutes. Somehow during that time, I had a date with an older woman that he had paired me up with at a Caribbean party. I had later found out she was 56. Owww! He asked me if he should go out with her instead. I just gave him a dirty look and didn't respond. I swear, that night I couldn't sleep at all. I was worried as hell what was gonna happen next. Would he tell everyone about me? Worse, would he ask me to suck his dick? *LOL*...he really wasn't my type.

Oddly enough, the topic of my sexuality didn't come up again between us. He still had another week with me and honestly I don't think he treated me any differently, which was cool. I admit I was afraid he'd tell some of my co-workers. And it's possible he may have, though I know folks have speculated about me before. But things haven't been any different at work.

But all that shit could've been avoided, had I just said 'NO'!

You know, though, as much as I cater to people, I've learned to cater to myself sometimes as well. I've traveled to a lot of cities in the last couple years. In fact, I've purchased round trip tickets to Seattle for my B-day. It's a city I was thinking about relocating to. I just want to check it out. So at least I do put myself first sometimes.

And actually, I came up with a new goal! Well, I don't know if I can call it a goal or not. But basically, my ten year anniversary with my company falls on April 13, 2007. I'm making a vow that on that day, I will give my company the standard two weeks notice that I'm leaving them. I'm assuming, of course, that I'm not fired, laid off, or have another personal reason for leaving sooner than end of April 2007. I also picked my ten year anniversary date for my departure and not two weeks before just in case they told me to just leave...*LOL*. If they do that, at least I can say I worked until my tenth anniversary.

So why the hell am I doing this? I've been feeling for a while that I want to be doing something else with my life. For the last year or so, I haven't really been happy at my job. But at the same time, I don't want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. I do know that I want to focus more on trading in the stock market. My new T/A approach has been hit and miss so far. I did have a couple small gains but am currently bagging on two stocks. I really do want to learn even more about trading before taking the risk and plunging full-time into it. So with this new date, I'm giving myself 19 months to get my shit together.

I'm hoping having this target date will help keep me motivated on those days I just want to give it up. I know it may seem backwards and some of you may wonder, why don't you just leave now. The thing is, it financially doesn't make sense for me to leave at this point. I'm hoping to work myself into a better financial position down the road. I'll need enough to cover my own health insurance, pay my mortgage, etc, etc.

You guys reading my blog will be the only ones that know about this. The countdown begins now!

Now Playing: Destiny's Child - Cater To You



Blogger E said...

And yes, I finally fell victim to spammers. In fact, I got two spammers within seconds of loading my latest entry. Here I was thinking, wow people can't wait to read my stuff. I should've known better...*LOL*.

8:56 AM, September 02, 2005  
Blogger TheBlacks said...

Eric G. -- I'm reading!

6:36 PM, September 02, 2005  
Blogger E said...

Awww...thanks mistagaskin!

8:16 PM, September 02, 2005  
Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Eric sometimes I feel like I know you well and the reason is the things you worry about, now most of the world would not worry about what somebody who is living with us thought about us, but I know I would and it seems like you did too with Charles.

The truth is that you are a very grown man and you are not asking anybody to hold your hand through this trip called life.

I certainly pray that Charles respects your privacy as much as you respect your friendship with him.

3:42 PM, September 03, 2005  
Blogger lady in satin said...

I guess we are opposites because I'm definitely NOT a people pleaser!! LOL

I've had the reputation in the past of being a bitch, but I have sense then, calmed down tramendously! I'm more conscious of people's feelings but I'm still blunt. I don't hesitate to say no to a person. No feels so good sometimes...LOL

Does that sound bad??

9:08 PM, September 04, 2005  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

I'm somewhat of a people pleaser. I only do things for people that I know and trust very well. But I can say no to them just as easliy as someone that I don't know.

7:44 PM, September 05, 2005  

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