Tuesday, December 22, 2009

R.I.P. Alaina & Britney

I was doing some random website reading and was sad to hear that actress Alaina Reed Hall died a few days ago. She's most famous for playing a photographer on the long time series Sesame Street. But I will always remember her as Rose from the series 227.

She died from breast cancer and was 63. Her passing of course won't get nearly the hoopla that Michael Jackson's did but nonetheless it's truly a sad time in the entertainment world. But I know she'll be saying hi to her neighbor Pearl (Helen Martin) in heaven.

Also I found out yesterday that Britney Murphy from Clueless fame died. There's rampant speculation that she was anorexic. And from some pictures I would admit that a sandwich or two might have done her some good. But an official autopsy is being done to determine her cause of death, which early reports say was a heart attack. She was only 32. Damn.

R.I.P. Britney and Alaina.


I'm Gay

I can hear all the duhs from the few readers I have left....*LOL*. I was watching this movie with a recent date called Mambo Italiano and one particular line in the movie stood out for me. I can't exactly phrase it word for word but essentially the main character is struggling with coming out to his parents. He basically says something like he would hate for them to die not knowing who he really is.

So of course that got me to thinking again about my situation. Yeah yeah yeah....they know. But it's unofficial of course.

I actually wrote a letter earlier this year that I still need to mail. The trigger for writing it was my Dad telling my Mom (in front of me) that he told someone that he gave up asking about my personal life. What bought that up was him running into a long time friend at his Church that started asking him questions about my sisters and I. One of them of course was if I had someone in my life. The questions of course were invasive but I'm sure common among folks discussing their kids.

I was upset by the comment but of course kept my feelings to myself. I went to the guestroom I always stay at during my visit and cried for about ten minutes. Oddly enough I started singing to myself the PCD song "I Hate This Part". Particularly I was singing "I gotta do it. I gotta do it. I gotta do it. I hate this part." Oddly enough again those particular lines were appropriate for my situation.

I was feeling emboldened enough after I wiped my tears and cleared my eyes out to tell my parents during breakfast. So fast forward to breakfast time sitting with my parents and I started feeling queasy. I just couldn't say the words. Same thing happened throughout the day.

So I left without saying anything. But soon as I got home, I wrote a letter. It goes like this...

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm gay. It's something I've come to terms with a few years ago. I wanted to tell the truth Mom when you've asked me but at the time I wasn't ready to make it official. It took me a while to accept it myself. I realize though that my being gay is just a small part of who I am.

I've had those feelings most of my childhood. It had nothing to do with how I was raised. I truly believe my being gay was something I was born with.

You both were (and still are) very good parents. You taught me a lot of positive values that gave me the tools needed to get through life and be the positive member of society that I am today.

I truly wish I had the courage to tell you this news face to face. There were several times I wanted to say something but the words never came out.

One of my biggest fears was that I would lose your love if I told you. The thought of you not loving me anymore really hurt and kept me from sharing.

At the same time I know there is rampant speculation on why I'm not married yet and why I haven't started a family. As I get older, I realize the speculation will only increase.

A part of me needs to come out just so I can end the speculation. Its one thing when people outside of my immediate family (coworkers, church members, for example) wonders about you. Honestly I could care less what they think. But I do care about you both and I don't want to keep you in the dark about this anymore. The only way I found that worked for me was to write this letter.

Now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag "officially", know that I will always love you. I know finding out about me this way may be a bit of a hard pill to swallow. If you want to ask me about anything, I'm hoping this letter helps to reopen the lines of communication.

I love you both.


So that's the letter. I just need to drop it in the mail or leave it behind the next time I visit, which will be in a couple days.


Monday, December 07, 2009

Wildflower Moment

Wildflower - Skylark

Verse 1:
She's faced the hardest times you could imagine
And many times her eyes fought back the tears
And when her youthful world was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders
Bore the weight of all her fears
And a sorrow no one hears
Still rings in midnight silence in her ears

Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower growing wild

And if by chance I should hold her
Let me hold her for a time
But if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden to be mine

Verse 2:
Be careful how you touch her for she'll awaken
And sleep's the only freedom that she knows
And when you walk into her eyes you won't believe
The way she's always paying
For a debt she never owes
And a silent wind still blows
That only she can hear and so she goes

Repeat Chorus

I knew when I heard Lisa Fischer sing the song Wildflower that it was a remake from another artist. I just didn't know who. The original artist of Wildflower was the group Skylark. Just like Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time, Wildflower it turns out became one of the most remade songs by various artists. Over fifty different artists have remade the song according to this site. Johnny Mathis (no video on YouTube exists...would love to hear his version) and The O'Jays were among the first to do so. Even rap artist Tupac used it as a sample on Shorty Wanna Be A Thug.

Hearing a few of the different renditions, including original recipe Skylark, I have to say that Lisa Fischer's version is the one that I liked the best. It just has that edge in it and Luther's brief cameo in it put the cherry on top. Mmm cherries. Time for some Cherry Vanilla ice cream.