Friday, July 27, 2007

Bare Politics

The "Obama girl" video on Youtube caused quite a stir when it first came out. If sex could sell votes (and who says it hasn't), Obama girl is rocking the sell. But look out Obama girl, Guiliani girl is coming to take the throne. From the hilarious Barely Politcal website, comes the newest video. Check it out! I'm personally hoping they come up with Clinton Beefcake...:-)

But until then....Enjoy!


Thursday, July 26, 2007

Case Of The Rude People

Case of the Fake People - TLC

Verse 1
I thought that I knew about 'em
Thought that they would never do me wrong
Well well the smile in your face
When all the time they wanna take your place
Them backstabbers
Same old scene that you've seen for so long
Always want to be around you
But as jealous as they come
Well don't want you to win that race
'cause if you do it's gonna lessen their space
That's when I decide to say

Goodbye goodbye
To all the fake people in my life
I never wanted you around me
So be on your way now
You better think twice
Before you let people in your life
Because when you put down
No one is around
You got a case of the fake people

Verse 2:
I thought that I new about 'em
The only ones that really cared for me
Oh yeah
But they shouldn't be that way
Only down for as long as
You can give security
Same old scene that you've seen for so long
Always want to be around you
But as jealous as they come well
Don't want you to win that race
'cause if you do it's going to lesson their space
That's when I decide to say

Repeat Chorus

It's amazing as we go about our daily lives how many rude folks are out there. You would think folks would have some kind of common courtesy. Don't get me wrong. I have also run across folks that did extend their courtesy. But it's the ones that don't that irk me.

Case in point. Last night I went to Bally's to work it out. I noticed there was this latino guy coming from another direction. I happen to walk a little bit faster so I reached the door first. Instead of just letting him catch it on his own (which I've had that happen to me), I held the door long enough to let him grab it. But did he say thank you? Hell no. I guess he was too cool to be bothered with such a formality. There's a second set of doors and I was tempted just to go through the second set and let him catch the door on his own. But I did the polite thing again. I didn't expect to receive a thank you so I didn't even look at him. He then proceeded to chat it up with a couple of the ladies working at the counter. I rolled my eyes as I made my way to the ellipticals near the entrance. He was kinda cute (though not my cup of tea) but his attitude soured me completely and I didn't even bother to look his way when he eventually made his way into the gym area.

He's not the only one that I've had that happen with. One of the cases that stuck in my mind was this prissy bitch that used to work for my company. She always had this sourpuss face whenever I happen to walk by her. One evening I just so happen to be leaving work and she was behind me so I held the door a bit. Of course she didn't say shit and her face still looked sour. I just rolled my eyes and kept walking down the parking lot.

I then think of all the drivers that cut in front of you when you're waiting at an intersection and don't even do the courtesy wave. What's that all about?

Stephanie Tanner of Full House fame (I can't believe I'm quoting that show...*LOL*) said it best. "How rude!"

I guess unlike the folks TLC was singing about, none of those sorry assholes were smiling in my face. But that's why this entry isn't titled "Case of the Fake People". *LOL*

So ends my rant. See, that wasn't too long, was it? *LOL*

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

Opening My Lock

I never thought this day would come. I'm actually contemplating making a set of house keys for Rock. I know everyone is like, weren't you talking about breaking up with him two weeks ago? And yes I was. Isn't it amazing how I flip the script? I know I'm being irrational but hear me out.

I feel like things have been pretty good with us since we've talked things out. Plus Rock was there for me when I needed him this week. I wound up going to emergency Monday evening. I had an allergic reaction to what I suspected was the aspirin I took mid-afternoon. As I was mailing off Tasha's belated b-day card before the evening started (it was actually her b-day Monday), I started noticing my lower lip and gums began to start aching. I recalled that it did the same thing on the 7th when I took some ibuprofen for my neck pain. Silly me on the 7th was thinking it was just the ibuprofen doing its thing. Eventually that day the pain went away. But that wasn't the case this past Monday. I went to pick up some Chinese after mailing Tasha's card and felt like my lips were getting worse.

I went home, proceeded to eat and then realized that I was starting to have a hard time swallowing. Then it started getting difficult breathing and I was even sneezing and getting stuffed up. My lips and gum were beginning to swell as was my face. I panicked.

First person I thought of calling was Rock. I wasn't sure why since he's an hour away. But actually I think I wanted to reach him just in case something happened to me. He seemed really concerned when I told him what I was experiencing. He asked me if I wanted him to come. I hesitated because I knew it would be putting him out but time was of the essence and after he pushed for an answer, I told him yes. We agreed that he would meet me at emergency.

So I was released about an hour or so after treatment (shot of benadryl and breathing through a nebulizer) and plans were changed for him to meet me at my place. I went to Walgreen's to pick up a prescription they gave me.

I get home and Rock's there parked in my driveway waiting for me. So I pull my car in and we walk into the house. In short, he stays with me for an hour and comforts me. He told me how my call scared him and showed me how much he cared.

So Hemingway I was watching an episode of Soul Food on DVD where Teri was giving Damon keys to her home and that's when the idea hit me. Rock was planning to meet me Sunday so we can hang out at a local outlet mall. I was thinking about giving the keys to him at some point Sunday.

I told Eugene about my idea and he's not a fan of it. Considering our issues (especially the control issues), he questioned how the dynamics of our relationship would change. He also threw the possibility that Rock might reject the key. And then what? I guess he has a point but ultimately it's my decision.

So I'm going to make another set of keys. I plan to give a set to my girl Sally instead. Thinking about giving them to Rock made me think of Sally. We've known each other for over 13 years and I think if anyone should have a set first, it should be her.

But I may reconsider giving one to Rock depending on how our trip to New York goes. That happens in September. Even better, I may just wait until we make it a year together and reevaluate then.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Satiating Eugene

Eugene is out of (his) town taking part in some research program at Ohio State. He's in the middle of his second week there. In the midst of all his research, he couldn't help but notice that Ohio State has more than their fair share of muscular white jocks. Almost daily he would tell me about the sights.

I could hear the excitement in his voice as he went on about this buff ass security guard at one of the campus's many libraries. He even decided to strike a conversation with the guy just to check him out some more. The guard obliged as he answered Eugene's query onto why security was needed at the library.

One of Eugene's observations is that white guys (gay or straight) tend to be more socially skilled than black guys. Take a muscle white guy vs. a muscle black guy and he says you're more likely to get into a longer conversation with the white guy. Eugene's theory is that black guys tend to only look out for #1 and are only interested in chatting with a random stranger if there's money or sex involved. The exception to this rule is African guys since in his experience they tend to be just as conversational as white guys.

As much as I hate Eugene's generalizations, I couldn't help but think about how I interact (or don't) with strangers. My tendency is to want to go through my motions as quickly as possible. Usually if strangers try to chat with me, I tend to give quick, short answers and go on about my business. I mean I've always been taught not to talk to strangers. But the only way to have friends is ironically to talk to strangers since friends start out as strangers. What a strange paradox.

I then think about some of those same interactions where I stayed in a conversation longer. A lot of times I think I wanted to take off but the other party (usually white) kept the conversation going longer.

So then I wonder. Is the generalization that Eugene makes true? Personally to a degree I think he may be right but I just think that white guys also have sex and money on the brain but are smarter about biding their time (assuming that's what they want from you). By biding time I don't mean months later but at least they'll wait till the third date. *LOL*

But surely black guys can't always have money and dick on the brain? So why won't they (in general - my words...*LOL*) stick around and chat longer? Could one argument be that due to slavery, blacks have in general feel others to be untrustworthy, even their own brothers? Could it be the pressures of today's society gets black men down?

Who knows? I pondered this as Eugene was going crazy about the muscle white jocks he was seeing and questioning how skinny women could satisfy them. I was almost going to write in detail Eugene's rant but then realized I blogged about it before.

Hey sexy, I only want to ask you what time it is? *LOL*

Time to go work out and stare at some guys...:-)


Saturday, July 07, 2007


777-9311 - The Time

Baby, what's your phone number?
I know I'm kinda fast, but I hate to waste time.
Baby, what's your phone number?
Girl, I have to ask cuz you're so fine.

777-9311 - I wanna spend the night with you if that's alright.
777-9311 - Ooh baby, please can I come tonight?

Baby, what's your phone number?
How can you be reached on a lonely night?
Baby, what's your phone number?
How can I get into you when I'm feeling right?

(repeat chorus)

Ain't nothin' worse than rejection?
I'd feel a little better if you'd slapped my face.

Hey, what's your phone number?
Can't you see the agony I'm goin' through?
Baby, what's your phone number?
Girl, it's getting hard baby, won't you let me love you?

(repeat chorus)

Hey baby,what's your phone number?
I know it sounds fast, but I ain't got all night.
Come on baby, what's your phone number?
You know I got to be cooler than this cat you're sittin' with.
I'll do you right, baby. Come on!

(repeat chorus)

Come to night, if it's alright.
Honey, please can I come to night?
Can't you see what I'm gonna do?
I wanna do it to night, baby. I wanna do it to you.

It's on fire, you burn me out.
It's getting higher, you know what I'm talkin' about.
Help me out good Lord above.
Marry me girl, give me some of that love.

Fun fact I learned on Wikipedia. I'm not sure if it's true or not with all the misaccurate information on there. However the number 777-9311 belonged to one of The Time's band members Dez Dickerson. Of course the number kept being dialed to the point that he had to change his number. Maybe that's part of the reason why 555 is more commonly used in TV shows and lyrics these days.

Hemingway this post wasn't published on 7/7/07 at 7:07 PM. In fact, the actual time will likely be at 9AM on the 8th. I just wanted to commemorate the once in a lifetime moment that'll never come again with an entry. I was at a wedding, which was one of the most popular events to be at for a lot of people.

The wedding I attended was for Shelley's sister Shay (heh....if she knew I blogged she'll love that I nicknamed her that) and her long term (seven!) boyfriend. I know Shelley from the job and Shay and I befriended each other via Shelley when we bowled on a team together. Shay was getting on me about not keeping in touch with her (though it's a two-way street) and I promised I'd be better about it.

I even wound up sitting at table 7. I should've stopped and played the lottery yesterday.

The evening was cool, though I had my bored moments. There was the usual drama that weddings produce, most notably the music sucked rocks. I heard from another one of Shelley and Shay's sister's that the DJ was asking people at the party for CDs to play. But the food was great.

I had the worst neck pain yesterday too on my right side. It's weird how that pain comes from time to time in that same area. It hurts to even move it. The last time it happened that severe was last year. I wonder if I have a pinched nerve. I may have to get that checked.

Hemingway that was my Saturday night. I'm meeting Rock today for the first time in a couple weeks. We're going bowling and I want to find a forest preserve area (shouldn't be too hard) to do a quick walk. Then maybe we'll go for a bite to eat somewhere. Not necessarily in that order.

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Friday, July 06, 2007

Finding My Voice - Update

Thanks everyone for giving me your opinions in regards to my situation. It does come down to communication, which I need to work on doing. You know, me being the classic avoider. So with that said Rock and I talked things out. Basically we're going to give thing another try. The honeymoon phase is definitely over.

Rock and I were chatting tonight. We agreed to improve on communication, though one of his comments bothered me. And yeah yeah yeah, I should've expressed that to Rock since we are working on better communicating. I just didn't know how to go about doing so without things going sour again. He said something about not letting friends come between us. It kind of implies (at least to me) that it was because of our friends that things almost went south between us. But when he say friends, I don't get the impression he's talking about his friends but rather mine. In particular, my friend Eugene. (Oh..he's not a big fan of my blog either...*LOL* And no...he doesn't know the URL and prefers to keep it that way.)

He knows that Eugene and I talk every day and no doubt we talk about the relationship. During our fight, I remember him being slightly sarcastic when asking how Eugene was after I mentioned we were just finishing chatting.

Eugene has some interesting insights on our relationship, some of which I take into consideration, some I don't. Plus he's one of the most objective people I know. He doesn't sugarcoat anything at all, including where I'm doing things wrong.

Rock has to know that Eugene and I aren't going to stop talking about how the relationship is going. I mean, obviously there may be some sensitive things that Rock shares(such as his comment tonight) that I won't mention to Eugene but everything else, including fights, joys, and everything in between, is fair game. I value Eugene's insight and will fight tooth and nail to keep that.

I mean I refuse to believe he doesn't talk to his boy Ned about us. I think you need to have that one objective person in your life since he/she may see something you don't. Plus Eugene may give me his advice but it's ultimately up to me whether I take it or not.

I don't know. I get that obviously I can't tell Eugene everything about Rock and I, especially sensitive private stuff that Rock's going through. But everything else is indeed fair game.

I'm probably overanalyzing things anyway. We're working to get things back on track.

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Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Finding My Voice

Rock and I are in trouble.

The trouble began immediately following En Vogue's concert almost two weeks back. On that note, I did invite Rock to go to the concert with me but since En Vogue wasn't his bag, he opted out. Hemingway Rock and I were enjoying some nice banter over the phone as I was heading home. He helped guide me along I-57 when I took the wrong exit.

I was giving him the lowdown on the concert and despite feeling awkward going to a concert alone, I ended up having a nice time. Things between us continued its nice flow until I arrived home. As I pushed the remote to close the garage, I noticed that the door wouldn't close and start to reopen. Each time I repressed the button, the same thing would happen. I was in an aggravated state since it was around 11:30PM and the garage issue was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

I went to make sure nothing was obstructing the sensors and didn't see anything. Rock attempted to assist me the best way he knew how. I tried one of his suggestions to no avail. He asked me if I tried his suggestion and I snapped at him that I did. Things became tense after that and Rock told me that from now on he would back away whenever I had any issue.

I thought about why I snapped at him and realized that the reason I did was because I thought his asking me if I tried it was questioning my intelligence. I know that was irrational and unfortunately I am guilty of being hypersensitive but that's what I felt at the time. I apologized for the incident but Rock stated that my outburst hurt his feelings. Based on his words, I'm uncertain whether or not he's over it.

Things went from bad to worse early last week when my association began the process of breaking up my old concrete steps to redo them. I had put in a request to my association to replace them immediately following my pet cemetery dilemma. There were plenty of holes under the steps where vermin could hide underneath and since my incident, I didn't want a repeat.

I had no idea when the actual new concrete was going to be done but it was stated that the concrete would need at least 24 hours to dry. That would mean, unless I left my back patio door open (which I didn't want to do), I would have no way to enter my house for at least one evening.

I saw an opportunity present itself. Rock and I in the past had talked about one day getting a room at a hotel to spend an evening. Unfortunately I couldn't pinpoint an exact date as to when the concrete would be done from the folks doing it since several homes were having the same work being done.

I called Rock and made the suggestion of us possibly spending the night at a hotel. Rock wanted to find out as much details as possible. He immediately ruled out Tuesday night since he had some prior commitment that evening. I didn't have any of those details and I unfortunately snapped again at him when asked for details. So he backed off. This was Monday night.

On Wednesday I came home from work to find out that they had broken up the concrete steps. I made the assumption that they would come put in the new concrete sometime Thursday. I called Rock and mentioned that I was looking into booking a hotel for Thursday night. He didn't seem all that enthusiastic about it. (Maybe he was still pissy about me snapping at him. Who knows?) I had wanted to get his input as far as location but he didn't offer any. Instead he said 'you book it and I'll react'. Realizing that I would need to book something anyway, I decided to book something near my house.

Thursday morning I sent him a text message with the address of the hotel I was staying at. He sent me a message back wondering if I was expecting him to come. I sent him one back saying that I would leave that up to him. In the back of my mind, I knew he wasn't going to. A small part of me, however, hoped that he would. He then sends me some text telling me that he's sorry for his part in all the pain that he's caused. (Dramatic much...*LOL*.)

It turned out that the concrete wasn't placed on Thursday so I was able to still enter my house. Rock called me during that time to check in and ask me what I was going to do. I told him that since I paid for the hotel already, I would go after eating dinner. He made some noise that he might swing by after his "meeting". I still didn't believe he would make an effort, though I kept that to myself. He wound up not doing so.

It turned out that Friday was when the new concrete for my steps was done. This would mean I would need to stay somewhere again. I was pissy at Rock because I felt like he wasn't even willing to meet up with me and I felt like since he had no intentions of meeting me, I realized that he didn't even offer to let me stay at his place. I do recognize that he may have been hurt that I snapped at him but ultimately Rock and I are in a relationship and if Rock was in the same boat, I would've offered my place if I knew there wasn't a chance I'd make it to the hotel.

So I didn't tell Rock that I needed a place to stay Friday. I called Sally but unfortunately she had a prior engagement that would take her away from her place for the night. So with Eugene's help (he made the reservation online for me), I checked into another hotel. That evening was pretty busy too. I recommitted myself to two more years of Cingular despite my previous issues (actually Eugene talked me into it after recommiting himself and since we talk to each other all the time, we get to talk free) and got the new Motorola V3xx razr phone. I ordered black but wanted gold so I had to go to three different Cingular stores before finding one that had the gold version of the phone available to switch with. That wound up being at Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg. It just so happened that Friday was also the launch of the new IPhone. It was a bit of a line at the Cingular (now AT&T) store but I eventually got what I wanted. I ate a quick bite at a Mexican restaurant in the mall while chatting with Eugene. He then went into my account (yeah I trust Eugene like that) and booked the hotel.

Luckily I was able to get a workout in at Bally's so I went ahead and did that. I then called Rock and for the next hour, it became a war of words. I expressed to Rock my displeasure with the hotel situation, especially his not even offering me his place to stay. It brought to mind all the times that Rock had vetoed various suggestions I may have, including those for an upcoming trip we were planning. I expressed how I felt like he wasn't spending enough time with me and how most of that time was spent holed up at my place. I equated myself with being his pitstop on his way to visiting his family and friends. He told me that my snapping at him had hurt him and contributed to him just going fuck it when it came to anything relating to the hotel. He was offended about me referring to our meetings as pitstops. He went on about how he had (at least I assume he doesn't have any now...*LOL*) fuck buddies and how that was just a fuck and go. But he thought of us as different from that. He then went on about all his commitments in life and how busy he is trying to squeeze everything in. He then went into this side rant on how he needs to cut certain things and people out of his life. I kept thinking am I one of those people....but I kept that to myself.

It was a rough hour but I felt liked we aired a lot of different stuff. He even suggested I make the plans for our trip and get his input. So ended that conversation.

We talk Saturday and I tell him some ideas of prices of tickets and hotels I found online. He states that he doesn't want to spend more than $1000 on the trip for plane, hotel, and incidentals. We were talking about going to the Big Apple so you know hotel prices are out of this world...*LOL*. He tells me that he wants to check with his American Express advisor to see if he can get a better deal. Okay. Guess my suggestions were thrown out the window again.

Early Monday night we talk and he tells me that the trip is cancelled indefinitely. I was a bit peeved because he made this decision without consulting me. His rational is that if we're fighting now then he's not sure if we'll still be together come September. One of my complaints was that we weren't spending enough time together so I failed to see how cancelling the trip would help in that regard. It then made me question if he really wanted to spend any extended time with me. The only time I recollected spending almost a day with him was our New Year's Eve gathering. I was dismayed to think that he thought we would still be arguing up to September. He ended the conversation by telling me we'll talk tomorrow. That pissed me off because he knows that I usually call him before going to bed and he took that away from me. So I didn't call him today (July 3rd) even though he wound up calling me twice later Monday night (my phone was charging so I didn't know he called).

I think the issue that it boils down to is that most of the time I'm complacent with what Rock and I do. I enjoy spending whatever time we have together doing whatever so I rarely make any ruffles to any of Rock's suggestions. There are times, though, when I want to do things differently from what Rock wants to do and that seems to be when we have conflict. I feel like I don't have a voice in the relationship and the few times I decide to get one, we have problems. I think back to our evening at Grand Lux and how he kicked and screamed over doing that (and the other things I had planned for that evening). He did the same thing for the tapas place I suggested (he initially thought they only served fish, which he hates with a passion.). It's like he's not willing to try anything outside of his norm.

Yet whenever he offers suggestions, I'm always game. He wanted me to hang out with his friends at the auto show. Done. He wanted to go to some wine tasting event (we never did go). I was game. He wanted to see a certain movie I didn't care for. It was fine with me. The problem with that approach, though, is that Rock's never truly certain whether I really am sincerely glad to do something or not.

I'm the more flexible person in the relationship whereas he's more structured and rigid. Because I'm more flexible, I don't have many issues with going along with his suggestions (within reason of course). But since he runs a tight ship, my suggestions are seen as disruptions to his routine and he balks. All the freaking time. He was especially ballistic when I dropped by his house unexpectedly giving him only a five minute warning. He told me that if I'm ever in a relationship with another guy (and what's up with talking like that), that I should never do anything like that. That, of course, made me wonder what's he hiding.

I know that we have to do things in a relationship that we may not necessarily like. For example, Rock likes "quirky" types of things like Mommie Dearest and Tom Jones. They're not my cup of tea but I go along with it because I know it makes Rock happy. Usually I wind up enjoying it as well. But he doesn't seem to like anything I suggest. And if things don't go his way, he vetoes the idea.

Another issue we have, though not as severe, is sex. I get the impression that Rock likes it a lot more than I do. He's versitale (meaning he likes to top and bottom) but I gravitate towards being a bottom. That's caused some issues in our relationship too because there were times when he wanted to be topped and unfortunately I couldn't deliver. He's reassured me those times that he's willing to be patient with me so I think that's cool. But I wonder how long he'll feel that way. My fear is if I can't sexually satisfy him then he'll try to find it somewhere else.

The weird thing is that I'm getting the sense that he wants to sabotage our relationship. He kept throwing anvils at me talking about how we might not be together by September (his lame ass reason for vetoing the trip all together). Then his talk about trying to cut people from his life. Plus he does things that he knows will piss me off or hurt me. (Then again maybe he's doing it to get back at me for hurting him. Who knows?) He's mentioned his tendency to sabotage things in the past which makes me wonder if he's somehow trying to do that with us.

I have this tendency to be naive about things too. I can't help but wonder if Rock tries to take advantage of that fact. I tend to believe what he says (or if I don't, I don't call him on it) so maybe he feels he can tell me whatever. My rationale is that if I can't trust him, then what's the point of having a relationship. When I came over that day with only the brief warning, he didn't believe me at all that I wanted to see him (and he was right to be suspicious). He even stated that he wondered if Eugene put me up to it (which Eugene actually did). It scares me, though, because now I'm wondering if I should be suspicious of him. But I can't police him. That wouldn't be right.

With everything that's gone down, I'm this close to breaking up with him. I mean can I be with someone who discounts everything I suggest. Then when he does go along, he kicks and screams the entire time. His favorite line to use on me whenever I want to do something he doesn't agree with is...."If that's what you want to do, I'll support you." He's really saying I think your idea's stupid but I'll go along with it anyway.

We'll see what happens next. Thanks for letting me blow off steam.

Happy 4th of July! I certainly have my share of fireworks lately.

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Monday, July 02, 2007

Are We Over?

Maybe my last entry mentioning Beyonce's Green Light was appropriate. Rock and I are starting to drift apart. I'm not sure we're going to make it. My head is spinning. I need to gather my thoughts. More soon.