Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Foolish Heart

My Foolish Heart - Paula Abdul

Wishing, dreaming
What a fool, wishing
Come on, come on
Here we go
Love song number 9
With a vengeance

Maybe tomorrow
Maybe never
One day you
Might keep a promise
Tell me I see you
But then baby where are you
I just don't know how I'm
Still in love with you
What you do
I haven't got a clue
I wish you could tell me
Why, my...

Foolish heart (baby)
'S got me into (oh my)
Foolish heart
'S got me into love again
(oh my)
Foolish heart (made me)
It made me love you
(Love you)
My foolish
My foolish heart

Maybe I'm wishing
Maybe I'm dreaming
For the way I used
To feel 'bout love
But I'm tired of dreaming
It's you I'm needing
I just don't know how I'm
Still in love with you
What you do
I haven't got a clue
I wish you could tell me
why, my...

Maybe I'm a fool to love ya
It really ain't cool
To show ya
But what can I do but give
You all my heart
I really don't need a reason
Ooh boy what I'm feeling
You made me love you
My foolish heart

Love song #9. Is that like Club Nouveau's Situation #9? I've been there many a times. And yeah, it's always blowing my mind.

I have this bad habit of putting the cart before the horse when it comes to potential relationships. As a result, I head for the big fall when things don't quite work out the way I'd expect.

You know how potential relationships start. You're talking on the phone every other day trying to get to know each other. Both of you are on your best behavior, not revealing all the crazy moments. Nothing that the other person says seems to phase you as you're laughing at his every joke (even the corny ones).

You feel that tingly excitement everytime you talk to each other. As the days goes on, you're thinking of the 2.5 kids and the big house on the picket fence. You're picking the china for your civil union. (Okay, maybe that's just me....*LOL*.)

Eventually a date is set when the two of you decide to meet for the first time. The big day comes. You both take a good look at each other, gauging whether or not that person's at least a good fuck.

You get through the date thinking that things are going really well. If you're unable to control yourself, you give in to your carnal desires. Maybe you decide to be good and not give in. The date's over. Then bam. Regardless of your decison, things aren't the same anymore.

You don't call each other as much as you used to. The times when you do call, the other person is busy with other pressing things.

But weren't you the most important thing before that fateful day? What happened? You thought the date went well. Did your breath stink? Did you give in too soon or held out too long? Maybe you were too gay. Should you have ordered all that food?

You're now burning the picket fenced house in your mind. The 2.5 kids are returned to the surrogate's womb. You're using the china for target practice. (Ok, maybe that's just me...*LOL*)

Your know-it-all friend (in my case, that would be Eugene...*LOL*) is going 'I told you so'! You want to shoot your friend but then you realize that you need to shoot yourself. You get some Haagen Dazs ice-cream and Lou Malnati's pizza and curse all men.

You somehow get through the weeks at work. You still have to work or else move back in with your parents. And that's a fate worse than death. (I love you Mama! I love you Daddy! *LOL*)

You vow that you'll be wiser the next time. But you fall into the same pattern with the next guy.

You realize that psychologically you're an imbecile. You're supposed to learn from your mistakes, right? Why can't you tell your foolish heart to keep things in check?

His name is Chad. We started chatting the day after Valentine's Day. And no, he wasn't my potential lay. We've been chatting for two weeks now. He seems too good to be true. He mentioned from the get-go not meeting right away because it usually winds up not working out. He's pretty courteous on the phone, admitting some of his tendencies as I slowly reveal mine.

It's taking everything I have to not fall into my old patterns.

Last night we set a meeting date. He suggested meeting March 15th, which will be a month since we started chatting. He wants to cook me dinner.

I'm excited but I'm also worried. Am I being an imbecile again?

I'm wishing. Dreaming. Needing. Wanting this to be different. What a fool.

I think I'll play Paula Abdul's Spellbound in the car today. Foolish Heart will be on repeat.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Oprah Done Did It Now

I broke down and purchased Oprah's 20th Anniversary collection a couple months ago. My younger sis Trina gave me a Circuit City giftcard and I used it to purchase the DVD.

Oprah may be a billionaire that's lost touch with the very people that put her there. She may kiss celebrity ass a bit too much. She may be getting wooed by Travolta, Roberts, and Cruise into joining the Scientology cult and thus gain access to her millions of worshippers. She may have a bit of an ego and a delusional sense of self-importance. But there can be no doubt made on the impact she's made over the years. Star Jones only wishes to have that much influence.

Star: "I heard that E. Fuck you!"

O: "Don't be raining on my parade bitch. Or else I won't introduce you to my bestest friend John Travolta."

: "Sorry. Sorry. Don't ban me, girl. You know it's the bacon craving talking."

E: "Hemingway! What better way to share that then through an anniversary collection that highlights her best moments. Besides the proceeds are supposed to be going to her charity. Ignoring the fact that the Angel Network is a huge tax write off for the O, it's actually rather decent of her.

So as I was saying before getting interrupted by the shrews, I purchased the Oprah DVD. I made it through the first volume. I loved seeing how Oprah got started. Considering the obstacles of being black and heavyset, it was quite an accomplishment headlining her own show. And trumping Donahue in the ratings on day one. It made even the celebrity lovefest portion of the program more tolerable. (There's five more parts to that fest.) I will say that Travolta got some nice abs. But Hemingway.

I popped in the second DVD a couple weekends ago and plopped down in front of the sofa with a nice big breakfast. I went the whole nine yards. Eggs, bacon, grits, pancakes, orange juice. As I watched her most profound moments, I found myself tearing up. I tried shaking it off, chastising myself for crying while watching Oprah, but the tears flowed.

I remember reading Clay's Oprah-crying moment on his blog and thinking that wouldn't happen to me. But damn it, Oprah done made me cry.

There were plenty of moving stories but the one that got me a boo-hooing was the one where a lady who normally went out jogging in the early morning hours with her best friend came back from her routine jog and found all four of her kids shot dead along with her ex-husband, the murder suspect. I was riveted by the story and I lost it when they played her 911 phone call. The bone chilling pain in her voice was so strong. Each of her anguish screams cut me like a knife. The lady was on Oprah sharing her story. What was amazing was the impact that story had on a lot of other viewers. Oprah bought a couple of them in a follow-up show and one lady said she was about to commit suicide that day and stopped herself because of that show.

You just don't know what impact (positive or negative) something on television can have.

I haven't watched any more of the DVD yet. I may succumb to seeing another part, after getting through my Married With Children DVDs."

Friday, February 24, 2006

In Search Of...

I'm in the market for a laptop computer. As much time as I spend on a P.C., it would be cool to have a portable one. It'd especially be useful whenever I travel so that I'm never far away from my blog.

I've searched in the usual haunts. Best Buy. Circuit City. Sam's Club.

I also searched in some unexpected places. E-bay and Overstock.com.

The models on Overstock.com particularly interest me. Plus their prices are much cheaper. But their laptops are said to be refurbished. Would you risk getting a laptop from their online store? If I do decide to get one, I'd definitely have to get the warranty. I normally pass up the warranty when shopping at the major brick and mortars. For example, I didn't get one for my current desktop and it's still going 4 years strong. I bought it at Best Buy and you know they were pushing me big time to get one. That's how they get their commissions. At one point, they had three of their employees bumrushing me to get one. I was this close to cancelling my purchase. But I persevered.

So I need opinions. Would you purchase a refurbished laptop from overstock.com if it meant saving a couple hundred dollars?

Here's a sampling of what they got. Let a brother know. PEACE!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Delegation Headquarters

Awww Goldie. I'll miss your cuntry ways on Flavor of Love. You were the heart of that crazy show. However, I am grateful that you were spared a fate worse than death. Meaning Flav...*LOL*. Now we just need to free Hoopz. Maybe she'll get clipped next episode.

Hemingway it's been a minute since I've talked about the job. So I thought I'd give a brief update on that front.

I recently had my final review with my SLAB. Overall I was told by SLAB that everyone likes me and I do good work. I managed to get a 5% raise and a decent size bonus (before taxes, of course). I know SLAB has his favorites and I don't really think I'm in that boat so if I'm getting 5%, you best believe the ass kissers are getting at least 6% and probably a larger bonus...*LOL*.

He mentioned that he's working on me getting to that "next level". Of course, I have to do some work too to get there. Boy have I been getting the work too. SLAB's been delegating stuff left and right to me and exposing me to folks I've normally not had to deal with. It's been a bit crazy. I guess it goes with the territory, though. I think SLAB's being sincere. We'll see.

On the bright side, I've gotten some decent support from a couple of my team members. So hopefully things won't get too crazy.

That's pretty much it on that front.

I'm still working towards my ten year goal. Wish me luck.

Friday, February 17, 2006

The Flav Stretch

I can't believe that Flavor of Love is almost coming to an end. If you've been keeping up, Flav's even crazier better half Brigitte Neilsen came over and gave each of the girls a lie detector test. For those who aren't following the show, I color coded the final six hoochies from a picture I found on Pumkin's(the white girl with the blue circle) myspace account.

Hottie(the one with the yellow square) was the biggest liar of them all. She claimed to be under 25 with a 26 inch waist. She also says her hair is 100% real and not a weave. It was hilarious watching her because she seems very delusional and dim.

On the other end of the spectrum, Goldie(the one with the pink circle) was said to have been 100% truthful. Goldie's been my favorite from Episode 1. She's had a lot of memorable quotes and moments, including her infamous throwing up moment, "the chicken was lovely" and "bitch crazy". She said that last one a lot, especially when referring to Hottie and the residential tranny New York (the one with the green circle). Since I love Goldie's country ways, I don't want her to win. She deserves way better. How about hooking her up with Flav's body guard? They'd make a cute couple.

The most interesting part of the lie detector segment was New York not wanting to have kids with Flav (which was true). The joke, of course, is that since she looks like a drag queen that she doesn't have the parts necessary. But she also really "love(s) that beautiful man".

Ms. Brigitte clearly felt threatened by all the hoochies, though. She basically told Flav that none of them were right for him. She and Hoopz(the girl with the orange circle) got into it in some restaurant outside Hollywood Boulevard. I sorta tripped out because I was right there weeks ago. Not that they were around that time since this train wreck was taped months before, but nonetheless it was a 'wow' moment for me.

I love Hoopz too. She resembles my female crush Stacey Dash a bit. They could almost be sisters. Plus she has this cool vibe about her. I would love to meet her and hang out. Of course, Goldie would have to come along too.

So Hemingway I was suspecting that the final 2 would be Hottie and New York, since both of them "bitch(es) crazy". But Hottie's lies caught up with her. She apparently appeared on another reality TV show Blind Date. She even wore the same hoochie outfit she had on that show as on Flavor Of Love. Flav apparently was crushed by this, which I call bullshit on. He could've kicked her out for many other reasons. But because she appeared on another reality TV show and was just as delusional there. Please. He should kick everyone out then since just about all them hoochies are doing it for exposure and Pumkin also appeared on Blind Date. By the way, a hilarious interview with Hottie was given by blogger dlisted. Check it out if you can't get enough of the crazy!

In a surprise move, he also kicked out Smiley(the cute green squared Asian) because she has too much emotional baggage. Hello, has he seen New York? Or Pumkin? Talk about emotional basket cases.

So we're left with Goldie, Hoopz, New York, and Pumkin. Since they weren't going with a delusional final 2, I'm banking that the final match up will be between Goldie and New York. Bascially a good vs. insane match-up. I'm predicting Hoopz loses game in the next episode and then Pumkin in the one after that.

I'm hoping New York wins. She and Flav deserve each other.

But I'll be sad when the season is over. Hopefully they'll have some other interesting reality show to grab my attention.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Five Miles To Empty

5 Miles To Empty - Brownstone

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Oh baby
Can we sit down and talk for a minute
You know that we've got a few things
We need to work out, oh yeah
You can, spare me all your sorry details
Had enough of all your lies
And my silence cries

Hurry, hurry, quick, quick
I need a man who's gonna do me right
Hurry, hurry, quick, quick
Somebody who will surely satisfy
When I think of your love
It only makes me stop and wonder
Truly why, oh why
Oh, Why would you make me cry, oh baby

5 miles to empty
My heart is running low, whoa
I need a good man to fill me up
I need a good man to give me love, babe
5 miles to empty
My heart is running low, whoa
I need a good man to fill me up
I need a good man to give me love

Whatever happened to Brownstone? They had some real raw talent in their voices. They sounded like a church choir. I still jam to both of their albums every now and then. They got lost in the sea of girl groups that came out in the 90's. To me, they fell in the middle between En Vogue and SWV.

Nicci Gilbert represented Detroit very well. I remember being excited when I saw her appear on a Martin episode. I said to myself, 'that's Nicci'. I think she may have released a solo album. I may have to check that out.

Of course, I can't forgot Maxi and Mimi and later Kima (who replaced Mimi).

Hemingway I love the blog title song off their Still Climbing LP. Honestly a lot of the lyrics conveys perfectly how I'm feeling at the moment.

Before I elaborate on that, please tell me that I wasn't the only one that replaced 'quick, quick' with 'dick, dick' whenever those words were uttered. I swear, before I even officially started exploring my attraction to guys, whenever I heard the song while in my car by myself, I would sing 'Hurry, Hurry, Dick, Dick'. I still do it today. I am so twelve...*LOL*.

And talk about suggestive. I need a good man to fill me up. Hmmm, fill you up where? And with what? (I'm so in the gutter unlike my bowling ball...*LOL*)

So back to the issue at hand. I was feeling a bit lonely yesterday. It didn't help that the Hallmark induced holiday called "Valentine's Day" was currently being pumped to the masses. I could hear some of my co-employees talking about how they planned on spending their evening with their significant others and it got me thinking. In desperation, I texted my last lay a corporate-y "Happy Valentine's Day" message yesterday afternoon. Michael (not Ealy) had texted me the same message earlier. I texted him back and asked him innocently what his plans were for the evening. I don't know. Maybe it would've been nice to not spend that blasted evening alone. He didn't text back. I guess he was exploring his options. He's been a bit shady the couple times I tried contacting him(like all the men I meet seem to act at some point). A memo to guys. How do you expect a friendship or potential relationship to develop if I have to be the one always trying to maintain it? I may do it initially but eventually it gets old. End of memo. I guess he thought he was doing his good deed by throwing me a "V-Day" bone. Think again.

So I decided to text my last lay that same message. Yeah, that damn blasted holiday was getting to me. Truth is, I missed him and hoped I'd get a response. I suppose I could've called but I was at work and I assumed I'd get his voicemail anyway like I always seem to do. (You think he's avoiding me...*LOL*.) Of course you know I didn't get a response.

I was humming the refrain to Mariah Carey's Breakdown to myself as I wrapped up for the day.

I called Eugene and bitched about the holiday in general. I didn't tell him about my text message fiasco because I wouldn't have heard the end of it from him. Of course, Eugene says that he wasn't even thinking about that blasted holiday. In fact, my talking about it was the most he's heard about it in nearly six years. Damn blasted corporate holiday...*LOL*.

So to make myself feel better I went to Jewel's and bought myself a nice round of Angus steak and pair of lobster legs. I decided to broil the steak instead of frying it, which made all the difference. It was so tender. I saved the tails since the steak I selected was a bit large. I had it with a side of brocolli and for my liquid pleasure, I had some red wine.

I was feeling a little better but I still didn't feel complete. I still, in the words of Brownstone, needed a good man (well at that point, any man...*LOL*) to fill me up. I trolled that infamous site fiercely for that guy.

I found a guy that wouldn't normally get my attention but he had proximity going for him. As a person living in the far west burbs, it's hard connecting real quick with any guys. A lot of them aren't willing to venture into the burbs or patient enough to wait for a suburbanite to venture to them. There's other reasons too but that's what it usually boils down to for me.

So I found that this potential lay resided not far from me. Little did I know that his place of residence was a nearby hotel. I felt a bit cheap as I drove to it. I prayed that no hotel staff would be at the front desk (a staffer was there but his back was to me as I scampered across the lobby...*LOL*).

I knocked on my potential lay's door and he quickly answered. We sheepishly smiled as he let me in. We did some small talk and then we started making out. I could taste the mint listerine from his tongue and it tasted great.

We kept going at it, even simulating the actual act itself. But something came over me. I think he sensed it too. I told him that I wasn't up for intercouse. It just didn't feel right. It was passionate enough, though, that we made noises about hooking up again. We'll see. I eventually got up and left his room.

As I zoomed in the lobby, the hotel staffer turned around. From my side eye, I could see he was eyeing me. I quickly left the hotel without looking him directly in the eye.

I was humming Breakdown again. So when I got back home, I decided to play it on my CD player. I took a long shower and called it a night. So ended that dreaded day.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Football Fantasizing

Anyone catch the Probowl this past weekend? Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not the biggest fan. But it's not fron lack of interest. I mean what other game is there where you can see big strong guys tackling each other and patting each other in the butt. So erotic. It makes me wonder what really goes down in those lockerrooms.

My reason for not being into football is because I don't understand the basic rules. Well I know one team has to run the ball from one end of the field to the other. But how they determine plays is beyond my scope of understanding.

So Hemingway I decided to call Huey for the heck of it Sunday. I caught him in the middle of watching A&E's Sell This House. That led to a whole conversation about his looking for a house, etc., etc.

Fast forward. It was now 5PM and the Pro Bowl was being shown on ESPN. (I think.) He told me to flip to that channel. I asked him if the Pro Bowl game was always after the superbowl. He confirmed that this was the case. It occurs the weekend after Superbowl and basically the best players from all the football teams are selected to play. While I was admiring the faces whenever ESPN showed their little computer graphic bios of the players, Huey focused on the asses of the players. They were nice, I suppose..:-)

So Hemingway I told him that I would have to invest in Holly Robinson Peete's book in order to understand the rules of the game. I got to give it to Mrs. Peete. She was smart enough to see a market need not being served and went for it.

Of course, Huey would hear nothing of that. He told me that football is easy to understand once you know the basics. He did his best to try to give me a crash course before he had to do his errands.

I don't know if any of it stuck.

I think he said something about each team having up to 4 downs to reach 40 yards. I guess when you see first down and 10 that means they have to try and make 10 yards. I think the team can either run it or kick it across. I think the team gets 6 points if they acheive that. And then they get an extra point if the kicked ball goes between the post. I forget how they get 3 points.

He told me to focus on watching their butts and it'll become clearer.

Eh, I think I better buy Holly's book and call it a day. Besides it has pictures of all the hottest players.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

It's Our Anniversary

Today marks the one year date that Eugene and I first chatted with each other. I laugh thinking about how our friendship began. A week before that date I shot him a message but he didn't respond. But something told me to keep trying. I liked what he said on his A4A profile. So I continued to send a message to him. He finally responded to me and said that I wasn't his type. He usually liked his guys a bit more muscular. He said that I was handsome, though, and that if I weighed twenty more pounds it'd be on like Donkey Kong. I told him I just got some weights and I was trying to get more definition. He told me not to tease him.

We exchanged digits and a week or so later we started chatting on the phone.

The conversations were really great. Right away I got a "big brother" vibe from him. He seemed to really care about the things that were going on in my life. I shared with him the few ups, mostly downs I had with Vince and Aaron among other dilly dallies I've had in the last year. He knows about all my dates and encounters I've had in the last year and he's managed to squeeze a few confessions of my past indiscretions. He's a "human lie detector machine" as he likes to put it...*LOL*.

He knows about my blog. And he knows that I write about him sometimes. But he doesn't care to read it. Since I tell him just about everything, he doesn't really have to.

There's one thing I like and dislike about Eugene (well among other things...*LOL*). He doesn't sugarcoat his opinions at all. If he thinks you're wrong, he'll let you know. Lord knows I need to hear it even if I don't want to. I appreciate him for that. I try to do the same for him, even though I still come from the "shower them with honey instead of vinegar" school. Even after we cuss each other out and hang up mad, we always call the next day as if nothing is wrong.

We talk to each other almost daily, several times a day in fact. For the last couple months, he's been giving me 7AM wake-up calls. I can hear his voice now. "Get yo lazy, shiftless, negro ass up." *LOL*.

We're so comfortable with each other that recently we even sing on the phone to each other. That's something that I almost never do with anyone. Unfortunately yours truly doesn't have the singing chops of Gary Taylor, Luther Vandross, or even whiny ass Keith Sweat (*LOL*). And neither does Eugene, even though he's always saying "no autographs please". My response is always "none requested". Good times.

After all the phone calls, we finally met after Christmas break when we were both in Detroit visiting our respective families. As I blogged in that entry, we instantly bonded and had a brotherly type relationship. One thing I forgot to mention, when I was texting him at the train station, he mentioned that he saw me doing it and suspecting that it was me, he turned off his phone. Jackass. (And I say that in the nicest way...*LOL*)

He's taught me so much. And I'm still learning.

With our 1 year anniversary today, he becomes my longest "gay" friendship. Not that I need to categorize it as "gay" since we're much more than that word. We're brothers. And we'll be friends for life. I just feel it.

I sent him a card in the mail expressing my appreciation for him being there for me. I know he appreciates me too.

Happy Anniversary brother!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

In Lust With A Stripper

I'm In Love With A Stripper - T-Pain

U got them big ass hips god damn!
Got the body of a goddess
Got eyes with a peak of brown eyes see you girl
Droppin Low
She Comin Down from the ceiling
To tha floo
Yea She Know what she doin
Yea yea yea
She doin that right thang
Yea yea yea yea ea
I Need to get her over to my crib and do that night thang
Cause I'm N Luv wit a stripper
She poppin she rollin she rollin
She climbin that pole and
Im N Luv with a stripper
She trippin she playin she playin
Im not goin nowhere girl im stayin
Im N Luv with a stripper

I was in lust with a stripper last night.

Yesterday was shaping up to be another typical boring Friday night. I ordered a small Lou Malnati's pizza and chilled out watching the last episode of North & South: Book 2. After enjoying the pizza and concluding that episode, I resigned myself to watch a crappy episode of Book 3 before I laid me down to sleep. I went to check email and see who was on the Hoo! I saw a guy I'll call Huey on-line. We never met each other before but we chatted on and off every so often. So we start chatting and out of the blue he invites me to go to a bar/club with him.

I thought about it a minute and realizing that I needed more spontaneity in my life, I agreed. I showered, put on my blue jeans and a black t-shirt with some black loafers, and took off to his place. It was about 11:30 PM when I arrived there. Since street parking was full, Huey had me park in his spot. I then hopped in his car and we took off for Jackhammer, a gay bar on the northside of Chicago.

We got to know each other a bit more and I was liking what I heard. He seemed to be an ambitious person. He was currently a project manager for one of the biggest advertising agencies in Chicago and works with designers on some of the annoying spam ads that pop up on any given page (among other projects).

After stopping at Dominick's (he needed some cash) and then circling around the neighborhood for a parking spot, we headed towards the bar. We left our coats in the trunk and I nearly froze my ass before we got inside.

I almost ran into a problem. I didn't have my driver's license with me due to my recent trip to L.A. With the whole security check thing, I forgot to put my license back in my wallet. (I can't believe I've been driving all week without it...*LOL*) Security almost didn't let me in. But then one of the guards complimented me on my t-shirt (it read Psych Ward 158-3-26) and another told me to come forward, like he wanted to hug me or something. He smiled and presented me with a ticket for a free drink. I was ready to pay the $5 cover charge but Huey paid my way, which was cool. So we stepped inside.

Huey and I smiled as we watched a drag queen dancing in the middle of the floor. A muscular queeny-acting dude whispered in my ear asking me to stick a dollar in her skirt. I laughed, of course, because I had no intention of doing such a thing.

Huey and I moved to another part of the club and the drag queen later came up to us, hugging us individually, and thanking us for coming to Jackhammers. Fifteen minutes later, she came up and did the same thing again.

An acquaintance of Huey's came into the club and met us there. It was a small world as I've seen said acquaintance on A4A. He even hit me up once before but OldNavy wasn't my type so I didn't reply. He didn't appeal to me much in person either but he seemed to be a nice fellow.

OldNavy knew a bunch of dudes, including another queeny dude that was high off of something. He kept on kee-keeing about something and hugging up on Huey and myself. He was actually a bit scary but funny at the same time. He made me drop my drink when trying to sit on my lap. OldNavy made him buy me another one. He bought me a drink and a heart ring from some lady vendor. Homeboy was crazy.

Then there was this heavy set mulatto woman that made herself too comfortable taking off her sweater. Thank goodness she gave her girls some support...*LOL*.

It was crazy up in there. But I was having fun.

While this was all happening, this sexy black male stripper was dancing on the stage. I think his stage name was Romeo. He had a banging body. Nice chest, nice abs, nice ass. But most important, he had a sexy face. He really got the patrons all hot and bothered. As some patrons stuck dollar bills in his g-string (including the lady vendor - so that's where all her profits go...*LOL*) and received some special attention from Romeo, I contemplated sticking a dollar myself.

I never stuck a dollar in a man's g-string before but I thought about losing my stripper virginity. Huey and OldNavy were egging me on. I chickened out.

Romeo left the stage and he walked towards where we were. He then came up and introduced himself to me. I was besides myself and I think I told him some gibberish. He walked away and I touched his butt cheek.

Huey teased me about Romeo taking a liking to me.

A less appealing stripper took his turn on the stage. Nobody gave him love. OldNavy was especially not feeling him. Poor dude couldn't even get anyone after playing with his dick. It was sad.

Romeo returned to the stage twenty minutes later. The crowds returned to give him love. Huey and OldNavy egged me on again to put a dollar in his g-string. I pulled out my dollar and teased that I was gonna do it. I didn't. But then Huey and OldNavy gave me a push and I went what the hell. We walked up towards Romeo and I flashed him my dollar. I lost my stripper virginity as I rubbed Romeo up and down. He pinched my nipples from outside my t-shirt and I eventually stuck the dollar in his g-string. He gave me one of his business cards with all his information. I guess if I wanted a private party with him, I knew how to contact him.

After his set, he came up and greeted me again. Wow, he was really working it...*LOL*.

A friend of OldNavy's later came up to meet OldNavy. My world became even smaller when I realized his friend was someone that I had a date with two years ago. He was actually a nice young guy that was new to Chicago around the time we originally met. We went out but there wasn't any real sparks between us.

It did take me a minute to remember him. While Huey and OldNavy went to some leatherbar next door for a few minutes, Olddate and I caught up. We were really cordial to each other.

I noticed a Seth-lookalike (remember that reality-tv show Kept) staring at me while Olddate and I chatted. He looked crazy so I looked away. Later on, it turned out that the same dude was following OldNavy around earlier in the evening and was looking to hook up with him. He kept on giving OldNavy dirty looks while walking back and forth around the bar. It was crazy.

OldNavy meanwhile kept hitting on me left and right. It was crazy.

My eyes started getting watery from all the cigarette smoke. When Huey finally asked me if I was ready to go, I told him yes. OldNavy wanted us to hang with him today. We'll see..:-)

Hemingway Huey and I drove back to his place. On the way back, he had me listen to T-Pain's single In Love With A Stripper in honor of my stripper experiences that night. It was hilarious as we both started singing the words.

Once we got to his place, we said our goodbyes. I gave him his parking spot back, and got home at 4:30AM. It wasn't such a boring Friday night after all.

Friday, February 10, 2006

A Weekend Deferred - Part III

If you missed Parts I and II, check them out here and here.

So Saturday morning I wake up with the worst hangover. Ok, fine, the E exaggerates. It was one freaking drink. But I did wake up with a headache for some odd reason.

I fixed myself up and after watching some Saturday morning cartoons, including The Proud Family and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I called my roaddog Xaler to see what was on the agenda for today.

I remembered that he wanted me to check out this breakfast place that he loved to frequent. So after picking him up at his apartment, we headed to the best kept secret in Studio City - Vivian's. I guess the secret was out, though, since it was a twenty minute wait before we got a table, exactly as our hostess predicted (And you know, I really should be getting paid for all the free advertising I'm giving these places I visit...*LOL*).

I saw all these young white girls in the kitchen and I'm thinking, what they know about making breakfast. To my surprise, they know an awful lot. I ordered a pair of large multi-grain pancakes (our waitress talked me out of ordering 4) with a side of bacon. The bacon was a bit burnt but the pancakes were the bomb. I almost regretted only ordering two but resigned that I probably ate just enough.

After breakfast, we decided to check out the Getty Museum. It was like a giant college campus complete with a railway system to transport visitors to and from the museum. Each of the four main pavilions had various artifacts and paintings such as this lovely one. The pieces were all divided by historical periods of time. There was also a beautiful garden area with lots of varieties of flowers that I couldn't name. There's also plenty of grassy area for folks to sit down and enjoy a picnic if they wanted to. From different vantage points, you could have a nice view of the L.A. freeway and city skyline. It was a bit foggy so we weren't able to see much.

Once we left the Getty, Xaler guided me along a road trip tour of South Central L.A., West Hollywood, and Beverly Hills among other cities. We got hungry and stopped back by West Hollywood for dinner. We settled on another sushi place on Santa Monica Blvd called Umai. I realized during the course of my stay at L.A. that sushi spots are quite popular in L.A. I swore I saw one in every block.

Luckily Umai proved to be another good choice. I ordered the Sashimi Eleven, which consisted of 3 tunas, 2 yellowtails, 2 salmon, 2 albacore, and 2 halibut. I also ordered a side of mixed Tempura. I also ate a piece of Xaler's rolled lobster, which was the bomb. Instead of my usual water, I ordered a green tea lemonade, which wasn't too bad. Overall I was in hog heaven.

By the time we left the restaurant, I started feeling a bit tired. I also had a bit of a headache. Xaler and I decided to part ways and hang out later to go clubbing. I never did make it to a club. So ends Saturday.

Sunday morning I contacted an E blog lover nicknamed TheBlacks. We had texted each other a couple times before actually speaking. I had a hankering leftover for Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles. In fact, I think they made a movie about it.

We arranged a time to meet and I soon afterwards contacted Xaler to see if he wanted to join us. He needed an hour but he was game.

So we get to Roscoe's and I luck out on getting a parking spot. I contact TheBlacks as I'm walking towards the entrance and discover that he's within eye contact. We introduce ourselves and to my surprise, a table was actually ready. Talk about instant gratification. (Thanks TheBlacks...:-) )

So the three of us are chatting about our weekends and our respective lives. Things are going really cool. Then TheBlacks announces a surprise. I'm besides myself when he says that a fourth person will be hanging out with us enjoying breakfast. I was besides myself when he said who. And then the mystery person walked in.

It was none other than the infamous, ever so popular, the very suave, and YES, the very debonair Trent Jackson. We introduced ourselves to each other and Trent got to work keeping the rest of us in stitches. I really felt kinda special. It made for a perfect way to end my L.A. trip.

So I said my goodbyes to TheBlacks and Trent. I then dropped Xaler back to his apartment and thanked him for showing me his L.A. Then it was time for me to return my rental and wait for my plane.

So the time to leave L.A. came and since Southwest has this whole festival sitting arrangement, I prayed to get a decent seat near the front. As luck would have it, this kinda cute Samoan-looking guy was sitting by himself in the window aisle. Something told me that if none of the folks in front of me claimed that aisle seat for themselves that I should park my ass there. And park it I did.

I overheard him on his cell talking to his "sweetie". He asked about a baby so I assumed he was married. After he hung up, our eyes sorta met and we exchanged greetings. I had assumed his final destination was Chicago but he stated it was Phoenix. I learned then that my flight was making a brief pitstop in Phoenix before continuing on to Chicago.

So we were chatting quite a bit about our travels. I mentioning that I'm trying to do more traveling and him saying he's bored with Phoenix. I mentioned that Phoenix was another city I was thinking about visiting. He's the second person to discourage it. He states that there isn't really much diversity down there. I'm sure it's true.

He then did the unthinkable. He offered me a taste of his nuts. I was besides myself. He offered it in a public plane no less. I ruefully smiled as I reached over to get a better view of his nuts. I pulled out a couple chocolate-covered Planters Almonds from his bag. He told me there was more where that came from and to help myself. (Heh.)

We arrived in Phoenix and we wished each other well. That pretty much ended the excitement. I moved to a closer row for the rest of my leg home and paid the price by being surrounded by a bunch of loud kids, including one behind me that, you guessed it, kicked the back of my seat at every opportunity. Some things never change...:-)

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

A Weekend Deferred - Part II

If you missed the beginnings of my weekend trip to L.A., check it out here.

Hemingway I was reeling as the $4.25 an hour clerk revealed that I wouldn't be able to see Half & Half's taping. As she started talking about giving me a V.I.P. pass for another taping, I was trying to think how to change this situation. I mean what would Mona do? Could I play the "but I'm out of town could you make an exception for me" card? I poopooed that, thinking the clerk would pull the "if I made an exception for you, I'd have to do it for everyone else" (crap) card. Could I stow away on another bus for another taping and then try to find the Half & Half studio? I'd have to bank that there actually were two empty seats in that studio and assume that I'd find the right studio. And that's assuming security doesn't nab us on the spot. Plus looking at Xaler, he wasn't as pressed as I was. I guess he could see it anytime. Lucky L.A. bastard except for the smog & occasional earthquakes.

She handed me the V.I.P. pass and we walked back to my car. Yes, I was slowly resigning myself to my fate. It didn't mean I wasn't gonna bitch about it. Driving away from the studio, I did just that. Xaler did his best to appease me but I could tell he was like whatever. He did mention us trying to sneak into the studio ourselves but I nixed it since there wasn't really anywhere to park the car near the studio and I wasn't going to risk getting the rental towed.

I slowly came around and accepted my fate. Ultimately it was my fault for not reading the rest of the instructions on the second page. Had I read that, I would've been able to relay that to Xaler and we could've gotten to the other location sooner and avoided my current mess. I know I won't make that mistake next time, assuming there is a next time.

So there was still the matter of what to do next? After driving around a bit, Xaler suggested we head to the Hollywood & Highland Center. The three-story landmark boasts numerous shops, restaurants, theatres and clubs. The interior shots reminded me of Vegas's Ceasar Palace.
We walked around the mall, looking for somewhere to eat. Hey, whatever we eat would sure beat the mini-candy, stale pizza and bottled water I would've been served at the taping. I was turned on to wanting some soul food. I was feeling some Roscoe's earlier that day but didn't go due to the crowd and fearing missing the taping. Hell of a good that did...*LOL*.

Hemingway, Xaler mentioned that M&M Soul Food just so happened to have a restaurant at H&H. Unfortunately, however, we soon learned from mall security that M&M closed shop two months back. My hankering for soul food would have to be placed on hold.

We walked around the atrium ground floor area. Looking up towards the fourth floor, Xaler pointed out a Japanese sushi restaurant. It had been a minute since I partaked in the delicacy so I agreed to dine there.

We made our way to Koji's restaurant. The hostess directed us to sit at one of the bars. In front of each chair was a bowl full of water and on the wall, three flat screen TVs. The center one was larger than the other two. The menu was quite extensive. I wound up order an "Around the World" platter with mixed vegetables, beef, chicken, shrimp, and salmon. The bowls were turned on to boil the water needed to cook the meats. Two dipping sauces were also provided.

To entertain Xaler and I between chats, three different movies were being played. Some Japanese dinosaur movie was playing on one of the smaller screens. The other small screen had some Japanese detective movie. The center screen, however, drew our attention. They were playing the movie Shaolin Soccer. The movie itself was very slapstick silly but it served to entertain the patrons of the restaurant.

After that great dinner, we walked outside the center towards Hollywood Boulevard. There were some stage performers entertaining the crowd. I was realizing how chilly L.A. gets in the evening. I had unfortunately left my fly New York jacket in my hotel room so I was feeling a bit exposed. But not as exposed as the tall, naked black guy posing as a gargoyle. I know his ass cheeks must've been cold. He did have on some thin thing but it couldn't have provided much warmth.

Hemingway, Xaler wanted to see the new movie "Something New" with Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker, who reminds me of Kyle Chandler from CBS show Early Edition. It wasn't playing at H&H. We wound up driving to The Grove. The next showing was at 10:00 PM so we had a couple hours to kill. I bought a few socks at Banana Republic. I oogled a couple hot sales associates at Abercombie. I welcomed the outdoor heat lanterns as we walked along the chilly street from store to store.

We then made our way to the theatre. I bitched about my typical theatre experience (you know the annoying people that chatter inanely and decide to kick your chair), so we sat in the side in the back row of the second level. Nobody would be sitting behind me. Heh. We watched as folks made their way into the theatre. There was a large group of about 20 black women that marched in. I thought that was interesting. But what was most fascinating was the diversity of the overall crowd. It made me proud to be an American. Just don't sit behind me and annoy me...*LOL*.

So my verdict on the movie? It was excellent. Sanaa and Simon acted their asses off. I could feel both of their points of views regarding their lot in life. The supporting cast that included Alfre Woodard and Clueless (and I guess Scrubs...*LOL*) cutie Johnathan Faison, made the movie even stronger. It's the same story but the approach to telling it felt fresh. I'm not the biggest romantic comedy watcher but I loved it. And I loved the phrase , "Let go, let flow." I definitely would recommend this movie to everyone.

So after the movie, we were leaving the Grove's parking garage. I guess I was feeling giddy because I straight up flirted with the parking attendant. He was dark and handsome. He looked about 25 or so. I tried playing it off but I had such a wide grin on my face. As I paid for the parking, he seemed to know that I wasn't from L.A. (I have no clue what gave that away.) I told him I was from Chi-town and then ended the flirtation. Ahhh, I was feeling so much better. Half & Half who?

It was midnight when we left. Xaler asked me if I was up for some clubbing. I'm not really one but I was defintely game. It wound up being a First Fridays event sponsored by Ivan Daniel Productions (they provided the wrist tags at least...*LOL*). The fee to get in was $15. It was $20 for V.I.P. I was thinking, shouldn't V.I.P. be free? Hemingway, there were naked dancers on the stage. I was almost flashing back to 9.9, except there wasn't any weed (at least I didn't have a contact high...*LOL*).

Xaler and I were being wallflowers for most of the evening. I decided I needed a drink. I almost flipped out at the $8 price tag. Needless to say, that was my only drink of the night. Xaler was even cheaper than I was. No drinks for him.

It was about thirty minutes before closing time. I was suddenly feeling the urge to dance. Only thing I was still feeling shy. I jokingly was "doing the Carlton" dance after unsuccessfully getting Xaler to do it. Well I didn't do it that long. Gosh, I love the Carlton dance.

After doing that, I just danced a bit in the corner of the club for the remainder of the evening. None of the guys came up to me. (They were ugly anyway...*LOL*) I toyed with going to the middle of the floor but chickened out.

Xaler eventually directed me towards the exit since it was ten minutes until closing time. I dropped him back at his apartment and somehow made my way back to my hotel.

I woke up Saturday morning with a light headache. I guess I'm really a lightweight drinker...*LOL*.

I'll conclude the rest of my weekend, including my interesting flight back in another post.

Monday, February 06, 2006

A Weekend Deferred - Part I

Friday started off with me waking up to the soothing sounds of my alarm clock at 4AM. I'm usually groggy at the first sign of having to start the day. However, I knew I was going to have a great evening in store for me. I'd be getting to see BDD, Phyllis, Mona, Adam, LDD, and the rest of the gang. That motivated me to get up out of bed and get ready for my 45 minute trip to Midway (Cicero).

Things are going great. I make it in time for my 6:55AM flight to Phoenix. The flight's a bit turbulent but otherwise pretty smooth. As I'm walking down Phoenix's runway, my eyes are pleasantly assaulted with seeing several fine brothers parked in various areas. That definitely seemed like a good sign of things to come. Of course I kept my lust on the low.

My connecting flight to Burbank (it's closer to the studio than LA) was another hour away. To kill the time, I had a sinful Cinnabon bun while chatting it up with Eugene. I sat near Starbucks (not to be confused with Starbuck...*LOL*) and watched amusingly as folks bumrushed the line for a cup fo Java. I tell Eugene about the line and he reminds me that Dunkin Donuts has the best coffee for his money. I'm thankful that I don't have a coffee fascination.

Before I know it, it's time to board my flight. It's a quick two hour flight to Burbank. As I'm walking in Burbank's terminal, I marvel to myself how small the airport is. I'm quickly stepping outside and notice baggage claim conveyor belts outside. I realize it's a bit warm wearing my navy blue New York baseball jacket. Actually I can't help but notice some of the attention I'm generating with the jacket. I did look kind of fly if I do say so myself.

I reach Enterprise's Rent-A-Car station and give the guy at the counter my info so I can hop on the shuttle. He's actually pretty friendly as he goes over his spiel, which is cool.

So while waiting for the shuttle, I call my friend Xaler (who I was hanging out with for the weekend) to let him know I'm in town. I get his voicemail but it's cool since we agreed to meet around 3PM. Plus he was at his job today.

I eventually get my car and after getting some telephone guidance from Eugene (he lived in L.A. for a number of years before moving back to the East Coast), I umm, get to my hotel. I have a couple hours to kill before meeting Xaler and heading to the studio so I try to familiarize myself with the area and I eventually get a quick bite to eat at McDonald's (Yeah bad...but at least I didn't have fries...*LOL*. My order was a Big N Tasty - no cheese and two apple pies.)

Before I know it, it's 3PM. I call Xaler and after chatting about my shitty phone and other, ummm, shit, I agree to pick him up at his apartment and then the two of us would head to the studio.

We do just that and head to the studio. It's around 4:15PM when we arrive. I pull into the familiar parking garage I went to in 2004 my first time visiting LA and catching a taping of Half & Half.

The guard looks over the printed ticket I gave him and after a few moments informs me that I need to go to another lot on some college campus where they will bus us back to the studio I was at now. I was baffled. Dumbfounded.

Reading the fine print apparently is fundamental.

I had no idea where the guard was telling me to go. Luckily I had Xaler with me and he knew exactly where we needed to go to catch the shuttle. The location wound up being twenty minutes away from the studio.

So as we reach one of the lots of the campus in question, I see a bunch of buses and a lot of people standing around. I rush to find a parking spot. The closest ones were several feet away from the crowds.

I walk over to the crowd to find someone of authority. It takes me a few tries to get the right person. So I finally get the right person and I get word from said person that Half & Half was full and wasn't allowing anymore visitors. I was baffled. Dumbfounded. (Where have I felt that before?)

So there it was. One clerk stood in my way of the main reason I woke my ass up at 4AM.

All I could think of was if I can't see the show, when would I be able to see it again. I've heard about the impending merger of the WB and UPN and fear that Half & Half might not make the cut. I thought about Stacy-Deanne's post regarding this impending merger and felt like blowing up something.

I looked at Xaler. Then I looked at the crowd. Then I looked at the clerk. My mind was racing a million miles a minute. What was I going to do?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

R.I.P. Sweet Lady

I was saddened to hear about Coretta Scott King's recent passing. At the same time, I'm glad that she finally has her chance to see Martin again. There have been some nice blog tributes on-line that express the magnitude of impact Mrs. King had much better than I can.

Check out Marlon, "N" Search of Ecstacy, DizYaBoy, Mashaun, and Trent.

R.I.P. Sweet Lady.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Ooga Chakka Hooga Hooga What?

And you thought Baywatch was bad? I leave you all to ponder this mess I ran into this morning. Enjoy!