Saturday, January 27, 2007

Le Blah

Hey everyone!

I've been feeling so blah about work lately. Well, more so than ever. I've been actually having that blah feeling for the last three years. Every weekday morning I fight with myself to get out the door. I remind myself that since I have to eat and keep a roof on my head, I have to go get mine. Even if as Tupac (or Biggie or ummm LL - get funky) would say, I have to make a dollar outta 15 cents.

The blah feeling definitely isn't coming from a lack of work. There's plenty of projects going on that are competing with my limited time. My latest one is intense because it's involving so many different groups and trying to prioritize your stuff with what their priorities are can be a royal pain in the buttocks. I so need a sugardaddy so I can escape the madness...*LOL*.

Bonus time is in the air, though. I got a notice from SLAB Friday scheduling my annual review next Thursday. It's one of those things that I take with a grain of salt. Included in my review are what the company terms as 360 degree assessments of you made by my co-workers. Opinions are like assholes. We all have one. I just want to get to the nitty gritty. How much is my bonus this year and will it be enough to cover my new A/C and furnace bill that's due end of March. I so can't wait to find out.

In other work news, a couple of my co-workers were noticing that I've lost weight. Actually I did a second round of the Master Cleanse diet. Before yall shoot me, I had already made a vow that sometime in January I would do another ten day cleanse to purge myself from my holiday eating spree. So I went about and did it again, though this time was so much harder. By the end of the 10 days, I lost another 11 pounds, 5 of which I gained back already. (And no I don't look like Nicole Ritchie...*LOL*.) Surprisingly when I went on the elliptical today, I noticed that my strides per minute count increased by almost twenty marks and by the end of my 56 minutes, I completed over 9100 steps. So it looks like the extra weight loss boosted my energy somehow, which is totally cool. I can't wait to do weights Monday.

It's hard to believe January is almost coming to an end. Time is definitely marching on.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Friends As Lovers

Lovers and Friends - Usher, Ludacris, Lil' Jon

[1st Verse: Usher]
Baby, how ya doin'?
Hope that 'cha fine, wanna know what you got in mind, tonight,
Got me feenin' like Jodeci, girl, I can't leave you alone
Take a shot of this here Petrone' and it's gon' be on,
V.I.P. done got way too crowded,
I'm about to end up callin' it a night,
You should holla at 'cha girl, tell her you shake it and seized,
Pull off, beep-beep, shotgun in the GT with me
She said, "Ohhh-ohhh, I'm ready to ride, yeah,"
"'Cause once you get inside, you can't change your mind,"
"Don't mean to sound impatient, but you gotta promise, baby, ohh..."

[Chorus: Usher]
Tell me again (Tell me again, my baby),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends (Ohh, I gotta know, baby, aw yeah)
Tell me again (Make sho' you right, ohh, before we leave),
That we'll be Lovers and Friends (Ohh, it's a good look, baby)...

[2nd Verse: Ludacris]
Sometime wanna be your lover,
Sometime wanna be your friend,
Sometime wanna hug ya,
Hold hands, slow-dance while the record spins,
Opened up your heart 'cause you said I made you feel so comfortable,
Used to play back then, now you all grown-up like Rudy Huxtable,
I could be your Bud, you could beat me up,
Play-fight in the dark, then we both make up,
I'd do anything just to feel your butt,
Why you got me so messed up?
I don't know, but you gotta stop trippin',
Be a good girl now, turn around, and get these whippings,
You know you like it like that,
You don't have to fight back,
Here's a pillow - bite...that,
And I'll be settin' seperate plays,
So on all these separate days,
Your legs can go they separate...ways...

[Repeat Chorus]

[3rd Verse: Lil' Jon]
I's been know you fo' a long time (shawty),
But fuckin' never crossed my mind (shawty),
But tonight, I seen sumthin' in ya (shawty),
That made me wanna get wit 'cha (shawty),
But you ain't been nuttin' but a friend to me (shawty),
And a nigga never ever dreamed to be (shawty),
Up in here, kissin', huggin', squeezin', touchin' (shawty),
Up in the bathtub, rub-a-dubbin' (shawty),
Are you sure you wanna go this route? (shawty),
Let a nigga know before I pull it out (shawty),
I would never ever cross the line (shawty),
Shawty, let me hear ya tell me one mo' mo' time...

They say the best lovers are those that start out as friends. Why is that? I haven't had the pleasure of being in a serious relationship where it got to the point that the two of us were friends or lovers. My approach when it comes to dating has always been to focus on finding a lover and maybe in time we could be friends. Of course I do want to get to know my lover but I never really worked on trying to be their friend or even seeing if they're worthy of that title. Perhaps that (as well as the bull I've experienced) is why I haven't had a successful relatioship.

My friend Eugene on the other hand won't consider being a lover unless he's comfortable enough with someone to be friends. He'll for the most part avoid situations with dates where the propensity of having sex is greater. This means that he'll rarely go on evening dates and if he does, he won't entertain the notion of answering the question...'your place or mine?' But alas Eugene hasn't had any successful relationships either.

Between head and heart, I usually follow my heart, which has led to disappointment. Read any of my previous dating entries for examples. Eugene usually follows his head, which has led to his own disappointments. He lamented to me the other day about a guy who he befriended while pursuing his PhD and considers a true friend that he let get away as a lover because he chose his head. This friend actually one night while they were spending the night came up to Eugene's bed while Eugene was sleeping. Eugene woke up at one point and noted that it appeared that his friend wanted to "make out" with him. Based on what he described to me, I believed Eugene's assessment to be true. Instead of going with the flow, Eugene questioned what his friend was doing and the moment turned awkward and quickly passed. It's been Eugene's biggest regret. His fear was losing the three year friendship they built. But he feels now that had he let things happen, they might be living together today. Based on how he described his friend (especially how this friend is jealous of Eugene's other friends at times), I tend to believe him.

So how do you find that balance between being a friend and lover? A few days ago, Rock and I celebrated our two month anniversary since the first time we met. Since we live an hour apart, the best time to see each other has been the weekend. With the exception of the holidays and last weekend (he went to some leather party in D.C.), we've seen each other every weekend. Either he would visit or I would visit him. Typically we would bowl, have dinner out, and then chill and make out. Usually whoever visited would stay the night and then after half a day head back home.

We've done everything short of actual intercourse itself. I told Rock that I wanted to wait at least three months before having sex. He was okay with it, even though during the course of our making out, he would ask occsionally if I was sure about waiting. As far as the three month thing, it's not something that I normally do. But I felt that I really wanted things to be different between Rock and myself.

I will say this. Rock and I have been very good about communicating with each other on a daily basis either via text or phone. Even when he was in D.C., we talked a lot and he lamented about how much he missed me. It was really sweet because I missed him too.

I was thinking about our typical routine and wondered if there would become a point where we'd get bored with each other. You know there's only so much "making out" w/o sex you can do before eventually something has to give. I also was worried about whether I was focusing too much on being a lover and not on the friendship. On that note, I was thinking maybe it'd be cool if we did more daytime activities and then instead of spending the night together, we part ways like friends would do.

This led to some serious arguing between us when I suggested it. Rock felt like I was unappreciative of the time we did spend together and wondered what more did I want. He questioned if I was happy being with him and wondered if I was even attracted to him. He pointed out that he has plenty of friends already that he does activities with but wants me to be at a higher level.

I tried to point out that I did appreciate the moments we've had and that I wanted to work on the friendship aspect of our relationship. I wanted to experience the feeling of being friends and lovers.

Rock pointed out that he's getting older (aren't we all..*LOL*) and he's at the point of his life where he wants to find a life partner that he can do things with. He's tired of living his life alone and would like to eventually have someone he can come home to. I think he felt like my suggestions were my way of pushing him away.

He said that he could try my approach of just hanging out and parting ways but didn't know how long he could do that. He reiterated too that he doesn't want to hurt me and only wants me to be happy. Based on his actions over the last two months, I believe him. We eventually came around to understanding each other. That took a couple days.

I know I'm going to have to take the initiative as far as finding things to do that could be a daytime (not just late afternoon to evening) activity. I live near Chicago, though, so hopefully finding things to do won't be so hard. Of course I'll have to consider Rock's location as well when making those plans.

Bottomline. I'm not giving up on what could possibly be the best thing that's come along in my life. I know he's not either.

So do you find that balance between being a friend and lover?

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Death Of The Party

James Brown's funeral was quite the event. If you didn't see the casket on stage, you would've thought it was a party going on. At least that's what I heard since I wasn't there.

Marlon summed it up Brown's funeral best in his entry:

"Five gol---den caskets!
Four calling hoes
Three kids a cryin
Two white horses
And a scorned woman sitting at the gate!"

They say things happen in threes. First it was Mike Evans, the original Lionel from the Jeffersons. He died on December 14th at the age of 57 from throat cancer. Then there was James Brown who died on Christmas day of congestive heart failure. The third was Gerald Ford who passed on December 26th. Evans's and Ford's funerals were both more conventional, though the latter had more media coverage.

Rock and I were conversing recently about the deaths and the subject came up on how we would want our funerals. If we were able to view our own funerals, what would you want to see? Yeah it's a morbid topic to think of, especially with a new year starting, but it's a discussion worth having.

Rock mentioned that he wants his funeral to be like a Mardi Gras. Streamers and party hats for all. Instead of a suit, he wants to be buried wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He doesn't want any crying and wants everyone to remember all the good times he had. He also wants his body inside a mausoleum. Of course when he told his Mom about this, she wasn't receptive to the idea.

For me I want my body to be cremated and my ashes spread over some undeterminable location. The thought of my ashes being in some urn for all eternity as a constant reminder to whoever is left to look at doesn't sound appealing. I'm okay with the conventional funeral, though. Maybe rent a casket so folks wouldn't be weirded out.

Both ideas are far from the norm but it is what it is. So what kind of funeral would you all want?

p.s...Rock and I are currently experiencing a bit of turbulence in our budding relationship. We're working our way through it though. Maybe I'll dish one day.

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Sunday, January 07, 2007

Stiffed Like Wood

Heartbreaker (Remix) - Mariah Carey f. Missy and Da Brat

Verse 1
Boy your love's so good
I don't wanna let go
No no
I should
I can't leave you alone
'Cause your soul is haunting me
Caught up in the midst of you
And I cannot resist
At all

Boy if I do
The things you want me to
The way I used to do
Would you love me baby
Holding me fellin me
Is what you know to break my heart

Heartbreaker you've got the best of me
But I just keep on comin' back incessantly
Oh why did you have to run your game on me
I should have known right from the start
You'd go and break my heart

Give me some real love,
Need someone to give me some real love,
Need someone to give me some real love,
Need someone to give me some real love

[Da Brat]
If Da Brat gave a fuck about a nigger
My heart would be broke
Should have know you were star struck when I left you so
I gave you my heart and you broke it again
I'm a fool when you smile at me I'm convinced
I get caught up in you when I just can't resist
I know you lie to me
It just drives me nuts
This one kiss could persuade me to believe your bluffs
You set it up impressin me with gifts and rings
I wish love was dollars cuz money ain't a thing
Cuz when I think of MC blew the party
I got a ready to play somebody
Is that tell me you
Is that for each member of my crew
With that I'm gonna heartbreak you
Now you flat on your back
You really don't know
So I'd advise you not to trust me yo

[Missy Elliot:]
Baby, I'm the real thang
So what ya got me sweatin you consistantly baby
Baby, I got the good thing
So why you makin love to me you crazy baby

I like the way he used to spank me
He used to lie me on my back take that
He used to have me in the sac legs back?
But now he be buggin lately
Hey boy why you actin stinky
I keep it stiff like wood baby
So if you wanna keep a good lady
You need to stop with all the heart breaking

Funny how much I prefer the remix over the original. I actually bought her Heartbreaker CD and the remix song is the only one I listen to. The lack of decent songs turned me off to Mariah forever....until she became Mimi.

So Hemingway VH1spot has Episode 1 of I Love New York online. So you know I watched it. I got a glimpse of the only fine guy in the bunch and New York nicknamed him Wood. His nickname reminded me of Heartbreaker and Missy's rap where she says she keeps it stiff like wood baby.

I Love New York is a hot mess. As a fan of New York's crazy antics, I'm totally looking forward to having my own front seat to this trainwreck. Lots of people were too, judging by the various message boards and blogs dedicated to all that is Flavor of Love. Based on photos of the 20 men that were leaked out, I was predicting that the one hottie would go far in the show.

Boy was I wrong! He got eliminated in the first ceremony. His downfall was admitting that he was on another reality tv show. It was a show Mr. Randy Ritchwood actually won called Mr. Romance. This show, which premiered on Oxygen in 2005, is ten kinds of cheese. You don't believe me. Check out the clips within Oxygen's Mr. Romance site. Cheesy. Then again Oxygen shows are all about the cheese. Except for The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency show. Season 2 begins January 10th. I'm so there.

But Hemingway...back to Mr. Wood.

I believe he won the honor of being featured on the cover of a future romance novel as well as other stuff. He admitted to New York to also be on a "talk show" he called Elimidate! Heh...anyone who watches reality TV knows that Elimidate! is the furthest thing from a talk show. Well there is banal banter for a few minutes that I suppose can loosely be called conversation. But a talk show...he needed to pull it out the other ear.

I suppose since Wood (the nickname New York gave him) is a fine chunk of man, he figured that he would get a pass based on his looks. And I have to admit, if I were New York, I would've waited until the half way mark before dumping him. He actually resembles Boris Kodjoe a bit. But he was definitely full of shit. But it's not like the rest of those man hoes are sincere. What's the big deal about being on too many reality tv shows anyway...this show included brings New York's reality tv count to three. Hypocrisy 101 if you ask me.

I mean, she kept "Mr. We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off To Have A Good Time cause I made other people billions with my ideas but was stupid enough not to be rich myself" guy over Wood. She kept bootleg fake preacher toting Anwar over Wood. She kept a hoodrat she nicknamed Chance over him. Oh wait...actually Chance could be her shining armor and speculation is he'll probably make final 3 at minimum.

Damn her for dropping my one piece of eye candy. Guess I'll have to settle for the Nick Lachey look alike. Nick Lachey does have a banging body and wasn't shy showing it off Episode 1. Or I can always check out Wood's nudes (where he gives new meaning to keeping it stiff like wood, baby), courtesy of FlavorofLoveBlogspot. He's Mr. Romance, alright.

I'll still watch the rest of the season. I mean, New York's Mom (if she really is that) steals the show already. I have a feeling she may be getting her a piece of man for herself. As for Chamo, New York's gay assistant, you just know he'll be caught making out with one of the guys. Fun mindless times indeed.

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Friday, January 05, 2007

Roasting Letters On An Open Fire

Happy New Year!!!!

I still have to get used to ending my dates in 07. It usually takes me about two weeks to get that concept right. I can't believe another year is starting. Each new year serves as an opportunity for many to have new beginnings. New resolutions promising better health, more wealth, and improved relationships. Lots of times, many of those resolutions fall by the wayside before a week even wraps up.

While hanging out with Rock this past New Year's weekend, he introduced me to two traditions that he holds dear to his heart. The first one is to make a list of things you want to burn off in 2007. You know, stuff like bad habits, toxic people, or whatever had a lock on you in 2006. Once you write down what you want to get rid of in 2007, you take the paper and burn it in the fireplace (if you have one, otherwise I guess the stove will do...*LOL*). We burned ours around 11:50PM on the 31st. The second one was to write yourself a letter of the things you hope to accomplish in 2007. After writing the letter, you seal it and hide it somewhere to not look at again till the end of 2007. The purpose is to see how much you've accomplished. Of course it'd be a letdown if you didn't reach any goals, but then I guess if you still want them, you can rewrite it for the following year.

In between make out sessions in his car and at various parts of the house, we somehow got hooked on Ugly Betty. It happened while we were getting a New Year workout in the basement. SoapNet was passing this marathon and next thing we knew, we were watching all the episodes. It's as good as the critics have been saying and aside from America's performance, Vanessa Williams rocks it as the evil Wilhemenia. It's a nice little ensemble and I'm forced to watch ABC, despite them killing two other shows I got hooked on, The Nine and DayBreak.

Sigh...when are En Vogue going to release their new album already? Unfortunately Dawn probably won't come back but Rhona has a really nice voice. The four of them need to get it together.

I'm also loving the Riddle video from their Masterpiece Theatre album. It was the last video En Vogue did before leaving their last label. Gotta love the color coordinated skirts and pants and even though the scenes each lady is singing about isn't depicted in the video, the breaking glass in each sequence works out nicely. Plus I love the remixed version of their song.

Maybe En Vogue will make another return in 2007. And maybe their album will generate buzz.