How It Is Done

Hey Ladynay, thanks for still checking me out even after my six month hiatus...*LOL*. I was waiting to see if I'd get any reaction. :-)

I'm actually off from work today and back in Chicago. My work life has been hell at the company I've been vowing to leave since 2006...*LOL*. I've fallen a bit off the gym track and am doing my best to maintain myself though January is near and I may do another cleanse. My love life has consisted of hot sex with an occasional FWB who's deep in the closet and a few dates and hookups with other guys, nothing significant though I long to find boyfriend #2. Maybe 2011 is the year.

Hemingway (classic...*LOL*) now I'm going to do something I haven't done in ages. Give a blow by blow account of an event that recently happened. I'm referring to my coming out to my parents on the 24th.

The day started innocently enough. Fast forward to 12:30PM. It's Day 3 in Detroit at my parents' crib. My Dad's sitting by his laptop playing spider solitaire and listening to the radio. My Mom's laying on the sofa watching CNN and I'm sitting in a chair not far from her at the dining room table texting.

So I'm texting with Eugene, who's also in Detroit visiting his family, about his recent high school reunion that he attended. Of course he's rambling on and on about how everyone there was telling him how young he looks. I started strumming to myself the bars to Beyonce's Ego (god...I imagine she has a huge one too....*LOL*). His date for the evening wasn't feeling all the comments from his classmates from what he said.

My Mom sees me texting and asks me with whom I'm texting. I love my Mom but sometimes she's too nosey for her own good. And yeah I guess Mamas are like that. I sighed and told her it wasn't anyone she knew. That of course didn't stop my Mom. She asked me if I was texting a "special friend".

(It didn't help that moments before CNN was once again talking about the repeal of the discriminatory military practice of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' that finally received approval from the House and Senate and was signed into law by Obama.)

I was in shock but only for a moment. If I were a more direct person, I would ask her what she meant by "special friend". But I knew exactly what she meant. No explanation required. I told her no it's not a special friend. That wasn't enough of course for my Mom. She dug deeper and asked me if I was seeing anyone. I got up from my seat and told her I wasn't seeing anyone and made a beeline for my bedroom (well the guestroom....*LOL*).

A wave of emotions was coming over me. I texted about this recent exchange to Eugene. He asked me what she meant by "special friend" and then was amazed my Mom knew about texting. My Mom is not into texting or using the computer but obviously she knows when someone's doing it. I then told Eugene that I would need to tell my parents officially that I'm gay but would wait until the day after Christmas as to not spoil the holiday.

Eugene asked me what I was going to tell my Mom and I said I'm going to tell both my parents that I'm gay and dating but don't have anyone special. The weight of what I was contemplating doing came over me and I started to cry. Luckily since I was texting Eugene, he had no idea I was doing so.

I mourned again the hopes and dreams that my parents may have had of me one day getting married (to a girl...*LOL*) and starting a family. I mourned that I didn't have a special guy in my life that I could tell them I was seeing. I worried that I would be seen as a failure by my parents.

My Mom came knocking on my door asking me if I was okay. I did my best to swallow my tears and told her I was fine. I didn't hear her walking away so I went and opened the door. She wasn't by my door but was in the back kitchen. I walked towards her and she asked me again if I was okay. She was looking out the window and not directly at me.

I was still wiping the tears from my eyes telling her I was fine. But I lost it and started crying again. She turned around and looked like she was about to cry to but instead she asked if she made me upset asking about any "special friends". I lied and said no but the tears wouldn't stop. I then hugged her and repeatedly said 'Im sorry.'

My Mom shooed my apology and had a smile on her face. She asked if I had a boyfriend directly and I told her no but yes I'm gay. She told me that she knew and just wanted me to say it. She displayed a strength that was hiding under her Parkinson's Disease ailment and told me to go to my Dad. With one hand she touched my hands and the other she wrapped around my waist as we took the longest walk towards the living room.

With each step I kept thinking it's finally over. I hoped my Dad's reaction would be as good as my Mom's. Honestly my Mom surprised me the most since she's so 'black and white' about things and I imagined she'd have a more difficult time about it. But on the other hand my parents I'm sure had lots of discussions about me in private and likely she's had more than enough time to accept the reality, hence her relentless pursuit of the truth. She didn't want another moment obviously of knowing but not receiving my confirmation.

My Dad, aside from any disappointments that his #1 son (his only son) was gay, I felt would have a better grasp of the situation and come to terms to it sooner. As far as personality, my Dad has done a complete 180. Whereas in my childhood he was stern and downright scary, my new Dad over the years has become friendlier, approachable, and downright emotional.

My Mom and I reached the living room and she told him that I was crying. He turned around, looked at me, and immediately started crying himself as he told me that they've known about me and no matter what, they still love and care about me. They just wanted to know what was going on with me since I never talk about my love life and the last girl I bought over to the house was in 2001.

He was still crying and I went up and hugged him. Then he started talking about his own experiences about how folks at our Church actually thought he was gay since he hadn't seriously been seeing any women prior to my Mom. But he told me that at the time he knew that he ultimately wanted to marry a woman from the Caribbean similar to himself, which is exactly what he did. I recounted the teasing I had gotten growing up sans my molestation story. He rambled a bit more but I heard all I needed to hear when he said that they still loved and cared about me.

And then it was over. We later went back to our normal routines and my fear of Christmas being ruined didn't come to pass. My only question now is who'll be the lucky guy that'll get to meet my parents someday.

Yeah I Know...

....I'm alive. Yes. Just haven't been much in the mood to blog. But I found an interesting blog featuring photos of various passengers on the C.T.A. I'm going through the blog right now curious if I've ever been caught by this blogger. Hopefully as a dapper fashion plate and not a fashion don't. Wow.

Quickie news.

Family

My younger sis Trina recently got engaged on her last birthday. Her fiance proposed to her on the job. They both work for the same company. She texted me and showed me the ring. It was a nice ring, nothing too garish which is good.

My Mom tripped over a chair in the house and broke her nose and cut her lip. She was bleeding profusely but luckily was able to get Trina and my Dad to take her to emergency. It was quite a scare, especially for me since I'm over 300 miles away and can't do much. But she pulled through and everything's okay.

Friends

Eugene actually is dating someone. I'm hoping he doesn't drive the guy away with his rigid rules and can't wait to fly down and meet him, assuming all goes well. In the forefront, a straight postal worker who is a close friend of his may be soon going through a divorce and Eugene suspects he may be bi-curious. Interesting.

Sally is still in the market looking for an IT job. She's had an interview last with Northwestern University for a position and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it comes through for her.

There's more but I need to get myself back in the groove for the 500th time. See ya around. :-)

There Is The Love

Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas

Will.i.am (Rap 1):
What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

Verse 1
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Verse 2
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

Taboo (Rap 2):
It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin' in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

Repeat Verse 1
Repeat Verse 2

Repeat Chorus

apl.de.dp(Rap 3):
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why something I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why something I'm feelin' down
That's the reason why something I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
Now ask yourself

Repeat Chorus
Repeat Bridge 2

Sing wit me y'all:
One world, one world (We only got)
One world, one world (That's all we got)
One world, one world
And something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit the wo-wo-world, yeah
We only got
(One world, one world)
That's all we got
(One world, one world)

Verizon recently gave me a little bit of love in response to my complaint. It happened a little faster than I expected. I received an email a few weeks back from one of managers that work under Thomas "T.J." Fox. It was in response to a letter I wrote in regards to the rudeness I experienced at a local Verizon store. He basically was apologizing for the experience and wanted to call me to talk about it. So he called and pretty much was apologetic again. He was being kind of repetitive in the apologies and even apologized for that. For my troubles gave me one month of free service and told me that I would also get another call from another manager. That never happened. Maybe I should email him to let him know. But Hemingway.

Eugene also found the love last night. I mentioned a while back that Eugene was helping out a young homeless guy get his life together. He helped him get financial aid to take classes at the college Eugene teaches at. He even was able to get enough to cover room and board. So about a month ago YHG told Eugene that his cousin is Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. Eugene didn't believe it at first. YHG also said that Will.i.am would give him two backstage VIP passes to an upcoming show they were having in Boston and wanted to invite Eugene to go with him.

So the concert was last night and was promptly reviewed by Boston Herald. Eugene always plays the "I'm too cool for school" card and not being overly impressed by things. But he was like a gushing schoolboy describing his time last night. As part of the backstage VIP experience, YHG and Eugene were escorted by security away from the other peons (some who paid $200 for the show) into a back door and once given a security band was allowed backstage. They first encountered Fergie, who Eugene described as being too flirtatious. He mentioned that she was flirting with them before even knowing who they were. They then met Will.i.am who he described as really down to earth. Eugene mentioned that Will.i.am told YHG that he would help him out financially. YHG is into football and has dreams of being a football player. Will.i.am mentioned having a cousin that's a football coach out in Los Angeles and having YHG spend his summer up there to be trained by this coach. It was a pretty cool exchange.

Eugene also got to meet Taboo and apl.de.dp. He thought both of them were cool and he said he especially bonded with Taboo. They shared a couple jokes and stuff like that.

There was a catered section with lamb, chicken, shrimp, smoked salmon, and all the fixings. Apparently they went all out in ordering food. There were a lot of people backstage too and it was hard for Eugene to tell who were guest, dancers, friends of the act, etc. They ate and drank a bit (okay a lot) before the actual show started. They were able to watch the show from the basketball court area (literally where the players would shoot baskets) and they were able to go back and forth backstage to get more food and drinks and back to the court.

Overall they had a nice time. Eugene did relay a tense moment between them after the concert. On their way back, they were discussing the options Will.i.am mentioned. YHG seemed resistant to want to spend his summer in LA. Eugene was pointing out to YHG that it would be a very good opportunity for him to take. But YHG wasn't feeling the idea. YHG even muttered a comment that it would be 'good riddance for Eugene'. In other words, Eugene wanted him to go to LA so he wouldn't have to worry about helping him.

From what Eugene told me, YHG grew up in an abusive environment and basically a lot of folks turned their back on him. Eugene turned out to be a positive influence in his life and I guess he was there when others turned their back on him. So he feared losing that. At least that's the conclusion Eugene drew from the incident after thinking it over.

They will work it out I'm sure.

Free & Easy

Free and easy living is what I'm doing today. I took off for a much needed break from work. I'm just chilling at home and will soon head over to the Home Depot that my friend Sally works at to look into getting a new door set.

Life's been okay. On the car front I'm still adjusting to the feel of the ride. It doesn't feel the same as before and at times I still feel like another blowout is imminent. I'm hoping it's mostly in my head. I've taken the car in to the dealer since the accident and after they replaced the wheel bearings, they assured me that nothing else is wrong. Discount Tire was saying something was up with the tie rods but Nissan says its fine. I don't know. I admit I'm this close to trading it in.

The funny story there is I did go to CarMax to get my Altima appraised. They offered the bare minimum amount I was willing to take for the car. I still would've owed about $1300 on the current loan. But the car I was looking to buy...a Toyota Camry...is of course part of a huge recall. Ooops. I somehow missed the memo. (Actually at the time I went to CarMax, the news on Camry had just came out earlier that day.) So needless to say I didn't make a trade.

I also actually finished my taxes earlier this week. I usually wait till the very last minute to get it done. But I need my refund for the door and also to pay off my credit card. So it'll come in handy.

Helping me also on that front is a recently announced 3% raise I got at my job. According to my new boss, not everybody was getting raises this year. Assuming Remoboss2 is telling the truth, I have to say that I'm stoked to be one of the lucky few. Either I'm doing something right or I'm severely underpaid. *LOL*.

On the dating front, my dating experiences have been depressing. It's the usual crap. I think I may just have to accept the fact that I'll pretty much be single for the rest of my life. It's too much bullshit out there.

Being single is not so bad though. I admit though I am getting more set in my ways. So I don't know if I'll ever get to the point where I could live with another guy. But never say never right?

Hemingway I need to catch up on everyone else's lives. I hope you all are doing great in the O-10.

Tired Out

As I mentioned in my last entry I was involved in a car accident on Thanksgiving day. The car accident was only the latest in a series of tire mishaps I experienced in 2009. I've had more issues with tires last year than any other time in my driving career. I'm hoping I get a break from those in 2010. 2010 is still young...*LOL*.

What happened Thanksgiving was that I was making my usual trek to Detroit. Things were going normal. I alternated being listening to music and chatting on the phone with Eugene. I was on the phone with Eugene as I crossed the Indiana/Michigan border. We were talking about various mundane happenings in our lives when suddenly I heard what sounded my rear passenger tire blowing out.

I remembered panicking to Eugene that I "think my tire blew out". At the time I was going at least 70mph (probably 75-80) on the far left lane in Benton Harbor, MI. I quickly assessed that there wasn't any immediate cars around me so I tried to slow down to make my way over to the right lane. That was probably a bad idea since the tire that blew out was the rear passenger. I felt the car start to spin out but I briefly gained control back. Next second the car spun out again, this time beyond my control. I screamed as I spun around on the expressway, under an overpass, and eventually spinning into a ditch near the entryway.

Thankful that the car didn't flip over, I reached for my phone to redial Eugene to tell him I was okay. Several cars stopped along the side of the road to check up on me. I told Eugene that I was fine and would call him back while the passerby's (including a nurse and an off-duty EMS worker) checked for my well being.

At the time I was quite shaken but was able to get out of the car. Another witness mentioned that I was driving on the rim of that tire for a few miles. I was stunned since I checked my tires before taking the road trip and everything at the time was okay (aside from putting a little air on the front passenger tire).

Moments later a local Benton Harbor police officer came by. The folks that stopped gave their versions of what they saw before they all took off for their holiday destinations. Thankfully there were no other cars involved in the accident. I gave the officer my insurance and license information. He went back to his squad car to fill out a report while I went back to the car to empty some of the contents into a duffel bag I happen to bring along for the trip. I meanwhile called my Mom and Dad to fill them in on the situation and to ensure them that I was fine and needed to work on what to do next. I called Tasha and Trina and gave them the same update.

Within another few minutes, I saw a tow truck make its way down the service drive. A lucky thing about the accident (if you can call it luck) is that I ended up in the ditch by the entryway to the expressway. That no doubt made it easier for the local departments to get to me.

The police officer gave me back my items along with a police report number for insurance purposes. Once the tow truck guy began his work to tow my car up, the officer left. I meanwhile was keeping Eugene appraised of my situation via text messaging.

I was debating between going to emergency to check myself out (my wrist started aching). Only thing was that my car was currently out of commission so I was at the mercy of the tow truck. What was worse was that it was Thanksgiving day and since Benton Harbor is a small town a lot of auto shop places were closed.

So TowguyD wanting to get me going on to Detroit worked on changing my bad tire with the spare one. I myself wasn't comfortable though driving with a doughnut tire all the way to Detroit, which from my vantage point was almost another three hours. TowguyD towed my car over to his shop and proceeded to change the damaged tire with the spare.

I lost my front fender in the accident when I spun into the ditch. I didn't hit any signs, poles, or anything else but the tires and wheels were filled with dirt and grass debris. There were also some scratches along the body of the car. He replaced my damaged tire and assessed that the other tires were okay.

After paying $225 for the towing, I decided I wanted to get myself checked out. Luckily I had my Garmin so I drove myself to a local hospital. Upon arriving to the hospital I discovered that both of my front tires were low on air.

It was raining cats and dogs as I ran into emergency. I filled out the paperwork as I explained to the front attendant the nature of my visit. The attendant told me to go in the waiting area. Figuring I'd be a while I called my parents to give them a quick update. But within minutes I was ushered by a nurse's assistant.

She took my blood pressure and it was 159/108. Scary but surprisingly the nurse made no real comment about it. Maybe it's common in car accidents to have the pressure rise dramatically. I explained to the doctor the pain I was feeling in the wrist and I started feeling other random body aches as well. He did a general check and aside from the aches, everything was fine. He gave me a prescription for extra strength Tylenol (or some derivative of it). I decided that if I felt pain by the next day I would get it filled.

An hour and a half later I decided to make my way to a gas station to fill my tires. I found one within a few miles and did so. I had gotten some hotel information from Eugene earlier. There was no way in hell I was going to drive to Detroit with my car in the condition it was. And it was a good thing I decided to go to emergency instead, otherwise I could've had another accident.

Since there were literally no restaurants open in Benton Harbor (not even McDonald's or Burger King), my bigger concern was what I would do as far as food. I only had a couple breakfast bars earlier while driving along and I was getting hungry. On the one hand it was nice that the corporate greed Eugene preached against before wasn't alive and well for most businesses in Benton Harbor but on the other when emergencies such as mine happen on a holiday and you're in the middle of nowhere, you're kinda stuck.

As I made my way to the hotel, I saw a local Walgreen's that happened to be open. I drove there (discovered that my front tires were still losing air) and bought some snacks that would have to do for my dinner. It wasn't ideal but at least I wouldn't starve.

I went to find another gas station but unfortunately the one I hit had a broken air machine. I decided I'd have to make my way to the hotel and hope I wouldn't get into another accident. I wound up having to hop on the expressway again to get to the hotel. Those were the scariest 3 miles on the expressway as I had my flashers on only able to go about 30 mph.

By the grace of God I made it to my hotel in one piece. God was truly watching out for me that day. I just came away from an accident relatively unhurt aside from a few aches. Had it happened on another stretch of the trip things could've turned out differently. My car on the other hand was looking straight up like an abandoned vehicle with its exposed front and flat front tires. All I needed was the cement blocks on all my four wheels and broken glass to complete the look.

I entered the holiday lobby and was served by the nicest young lady. She honestly looked like a modern day Jan Brady. But I told her I needed a room and after hearing the circumstances of what happened, she mentioned that the hotel was serving Thanksgiving dinner with all the fixings to everyone at the hotel and told me to go get a plate.

There were two other young ladies (both black) sitting in the lobby. I later found out that they cooked a lot of the meal.

I said it before but I really believe God was looking out for me. I just knew I would be eating popcorn and chips for dinner that night. Ironically I was actually looking for Red Roof Inn as the place I would stay at and accidentally stumbled upon the former Best Western Hotel. The attendant mentioned that the hotel was currently owned by a bank due to foreclosure. I bet that Red Roof probably wouldn't have the free dinner.

So after taking my luggage to my room and updating Trina, Tasha, and Eugene, I made my way back to the lobby and served myself dinner. It was a lot of food and I happened to be the first one to get to it (since it was around 5pm). I filled up on stuffing, turkey, ham, string beans, and corn bread. There was even some chitterlings. But I passed on those since I don't really trust anyone else's chitterlings but my Mom's (and she hasn't made that in years). For drinks there was only soda, which I actually don't drink much of these days. But by some miraculous chance there was a lone Miller Lite in the fridge. Jan Brady was nice enough to let me have it and said after the day I had, I deserved it.

Afterwards I went back to fill up on desert, which included Upside Down Pineapple cake, Red Velvet cake, Sweet Potato pie, and German Chocolate Cake. It was a feast.

Needless to say I was full for the rest of the day as I made my way back to my room. I called my parents to tell them all about the dinner I had. Since I couldn't make it for my Mom's dinner, it was the next best thing. Then I took a nap and woke up and wound up watching Beyonce's Thanksgiving promotion. I swear that girl needs to take a five year hiatus. But whatever.

The next morning I woke up and after calling the insurance company to get a claim number, I quickly walked to the nearby McDonald's for breakfast. I wanted to go to the nicer pancake house next door but there was a huge line and I needed to check out by 11am. I also had to get my car tires taken care of.

So after breakfast and checking out of the hotel, I wound up calling another tow truck company that towed me to a local Discount Tire. Apparently everybody and their Mama was at Discount Tire instead of at the mall for the first official shopping day of Christmas. I wound up staying there for nearly two hours while waiting for my two rear tires to be replaced and a determination that grass/debris was blocking the air valves on the front tires, which caused them to go flat.

I then had the daunting task of deciding if I wanted to continue my journey to Detroit with my fender messed up or drive back to Chicago, which was closer. My concerns for driving to Detroit in my car was that the messed up fender would give guys up to no good reason to think my car was abandoned and decide to break into it. Not to mention would I really want to drive to Detroit and then drive back to Chicago with the fender missing and exposing the interior to the environment. At least if I made it back to Chicago, I could get the car serviced locally.

But then I thought about my family and how disappointing it'd be not to see them. Plus with winter rearing its ugly head there wouldn't be too many opportunities to make another trek.

In the end I decided to rent a car at Enterprise and have my current car repaired in Benton Harbor by the same tow company (which also had a body shop) that rescued me from my accident. I arrived in Detroit Friday evening. I gave both my parents extra long hugs.

So Enterprise wound up giving me a shitty car (Kia Spectra) that I managed to make it in to Detroit and back. The alignment was off and both front tires were balding. At first I thought I was still shaken from the accident and was being jittery (which I was to a degree) but I found out about the issue after getting back to Chicago. I swear if I had another blowout, I would've been too through.

After using Eugene to haggle with Enterprise, they gave me another car. It wound up being a Ford Focus (which I must say, Ford's come a long way from their Found On Road Dead days). My car was ready a week and a half later and I wound up driving back to Benton Harbor to pick it up.

Needless to say that was quite a crazy experience and aside from paying for the car and bills I incurred while stranded, I'm still dealing with the insurance company as far as my emergency visit. But I'm grateful to be still breathing.

Chopped & Screwed 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

2010 is shaping up to be a screwed and choppy year for me. But not necessarily in a bad way as you'll later read. Actually just to summarize on my holiday, it went fine. I trained it to Detroit on Christmas Eve and stayed until the 29th. This year for Secret Santa I had my Mom's name. I wound up getting her a basket of lotion, hand soap, and body gels from Bath & Body Works. For good measure I also got my Godmother the same. My Dad had my name for Secret Santa and he went and bought me a new Bed in a Bag. I did need some new sheets so that was cool. I have to admit it's nice seeing my Dad actually buying gifts. It's a bit of a reversal of roles since my Mom usually bought all the gifts growing up. Now it's my Mom that's slipped in the gift buying department. Its mostly due to the Parkinson's and her not being able to drive. She was so happy to have my Dad's name for Secret Santa. She actually bought his gift after the holidays while I took her shopping. That left Tasha and Trina with having each other's names.

As far as the "coming out to my parents" deal I blogged about last year (hee), I'm wavering again. But I did finally tell my older sis Tasha about it on our way to dinner with my younger sis. So both of my sisters officially know. I knew it would be a nonevent and even prefaced it by telling Tasha that I knew she already knew, which she did.

I decided to make an effort to be closer to both my sisters by treating them to dinner. Since Trina worked late we wound up going to a Chinese buffet closer to her job. We had a nice time catching up and the hope is we'll get together more often in 2010.

Since having my car accident last November on Thanksgiving no less (yeah I didn't get a chance to blog about that), I'm realizing that I need to make a greater effort to connect with my family. We're only on the Earth for such a short time and tomorrow isn't guaranteed for anyone.

I even got to hang out with Eugene while he was in Detroit. Actually he needed a place to crash after Christmas in Chicago for a day or so before his friend (lost love Larry) drove from his place in Wisconsin to pick him up, their ultimate destination being the 2010 Sugar Bowl (whereever it was...*LOL*). I wasn't going to be home during that time so we needed to meet so I could give him my keys.

So all in all it was a full holiday. I ended 2009 getting tipsy on a date. This happened on December 30th. I met this guy TopChef from Springfield, IL who was visiting his family in Northwest Indiana for dinner. We had a nice time. I guess I had too nice a time drinking a total of one rum/coke, a half bottle of Pinot Noir (with our dinner), and later on two Pomegranate Cosmos and a lager beer. TopChef drank as much as I did but he was better able to handle his liquor. I was tipsy enough that I had to get a hotel (well TopChef did) where we of course made out madly but didn't have full blown sex. He had such suction with his mouth that he nearly pulled my tongue out my socket a few times.

Since I was tipsy on the 30th I limited my alcohol on New Year's Eve to two drinks, though that didn't stop me from getting a drink spilled on me in the wee hours of 2010 while dancing at a nightclub.

Ain't that screwed and chopped up? But that's not as screwed and chopped as some of these songs I found on YouTube. Apparently screwed and chopped music originated from Houston, Texas in the mid 90's. I guess I missed that somehow. Perhaps not living in Houston played a role. Apparently it's a way of remixing hip-hop music to play in a slower beat. The results are funny but oddly enough enticing. In fact some of the songs sound even better after getting the "chopped and screwed" treatment. I'll close my blog with a few selections that I liked. I will definitely be looking for more "chopped and screwed" music in the future.


Mariah Carey - We Belong Together


Kut Klose - I Like


Aaliyah - One In A Million


Alexander O'Neal - If You Were Here Tonight


Phil Collins/Jeffrey Osbourne - Easy Lover

The Pretenders

Pretender - Madonna

[Chorus 1]
He's a pretender
He knows just what to say
He's a pretender
Yeah, you meet him every day
He's a pretender
That fish that got away
He's a pretender
Why'd I fall in love

[Verse 1]
It was so strange
The way he held my hand
I wanted more
Than just a one night stand
He had a way
Of making me believe
That he was mine
And that he'd never leave

I know that I should take my friend's advice
Cuz if it happened once, you know it happens twice
If there's a chance then I know I've got to try
I'll make him dance with me,
I'll make him tell me why

He's a pretender
He's a pretender

[Bridge 1]
I'm not afraid to fall a hundred times
And I'll believe in all your silly lies
I'd like to think that I could change your mind
Don't say that I am blind, I know all about your kind

[Chorus 2]
He's a pretender
Yeah, you meet him every day
He's a pretender
That fish that got away
He's a pretender
Why'd I fall in love

[Verse 2]
I like the way
He moved across the floor
And when he danced with me I know he wanted more
But in the dark
Things happened much too fast
I should've stopped him
Then, I knew it wouldn't last

I know that I should take my friend's advice
Cuz if it happened once, you know it happens twice
If there's a chance then I know I've got to try
I'll make him dance with me, I'll make him tell me why

[Repeat Bridge 1]

[Bridge 2]
You lied, you lied, you lied, you lied
You lied, you lied, you lied, you lied
You lied, you lied, you lied, you lied
You lied, you lied, I know all about your kind

[Chorus 3]
He's a pretender
He's a pretender
He's a pretender
Why'd I fall in love

[Repeat Chorus 1]

[Repeat Chorus 3 and ad lib]

I've referenced Madonna a couple times throughout my blog. But this is the first time to my knowledge that I've made reference to her lyrics. But this song seems so appropriate in relation to my recent dealings with men.

There have been three men I've chatted with in the last month or so that seems to come roaring out of the gates but then fizzles out and turns into the typical game playing that men do.

Case 1: Hotrod.

So sad. You remember I blogged about my wonderful first date with Hotrod on Labor Day weekend. What I didn't mention in that entry is that we had a follow up date the next day. He came over to my place brandishing movies and I warmed up the leftovers from the date we had yesterday. It turned out he said he wasn't hungry because of eating something earlier at work.

Hemingway we watched The Hangover, a funny movie that I actually wanted to see when it came out in theatres but didn't get around to. He happened to have a bootleg copy of it along with Fast & Furious (with sexy ass Vin Diesel) and Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans. The other movies he left with me.

The evening date I thought went well. We watched the movie, I ate some of my leftovers, and afterwards we made out a bit. And clothes didn't come off. He first arrived ten minutes before six and left a few minutes after eight pm. He said that he works at 4am.

I honestly thought the second date went great and it really felt like we were getting to know each other. But I notice HotRod wasn't as responsive to me. We mostly texted anyway but even those became less and less. I found myself initiating the texts more and more and sometimes he wouldn't necessarily respond.

At first I thought he may have thought I was lying about visiting my family in Detroit (which I did the following weekend). I was a bit vague about the timing since I had contemplated visiting a prospective guy in St. Louis that following Thursday. That meeting didn't happen (because of bad taxi service....American Taxi was a no show at my place) and subsequently I realized that I didn't really have an attraction to the St. Louis guy.

But when I texted him some more after my Detroit visit and suggested meeting him, he claimed to have the flu and that his Mom was at his place. That alone could've been taken at face value if in later days he didn't claim to have injured his knee and a week later have a bum shoulder (that would take six weeks to heal).

I told him if his interest in me has changed he should let me know and that would be fine. But he claims that's not the case.




Madonna (singing): He's a pretender.









Case 2: OldGlory

This guy who I'm calling OldGlory is a dude I met on that social networking site I keep visiting for some odd reason...*LOL*. His profile claimed that he was 48 years old, 6'2 and 200+ lbs of Muscular build. He claims in his ad to be a regular Joe Schmoe of quality and good old fashioned down to earthiness.

I liked his message and his pictures. I was more attracted to the body than his face but it wasn't like his face could crack a mirror (totally) so I emailed him. To my surprise he quickly gave me his real email address and told me not to be shy about using it.

I was impressed. Most guys like to play the okey doke initially. So I decided I'd email him for the heck of it. I did and within minutes I got an email back with his phone number.

I was thinking...damn. Either he's desperate or he is a straight up guy that doesn't beat around the bush. Assuming the latter, I gave him a call. He didn't answer but I left a message. The voice was very deep and manly, definite turn on.

So he actually called me back thirty minutes later saying that he's on the road heading to Wisconsin with his best friend and that best friends kids to some outing. I wasn't clear about it but it sounded like some fair-like event. But he told me to send him a few more pics of myself. That should've been a sign right there but...Hemingway.

So throughout the day we're texting back and forth and I sent him three more pics of myself throughout the day. We even talked on the phone a couple times throughout that. The messages were very positive and I was actually eager to meet him. I suggested that it'd be cool to meet sometime tomorrow and he said that was fine.

So tomorrow comes and I send him a quick text asking how he's doing. It takes him awhile but he texts back saying he's fine and that his friend and said friend's kids were leaving to go back to Michigan. I was like cool. So I said it'd be cool to meet today. He agreed and then I suggested lunchtime around 1pm. I heard nothing else.

I made mention to my friend Eugene about this guy and after I shared his information, Eugene recognized him as a guy he spoke to years ago. He said that OldGlory was just as quick responding to him but then backed up when Eugene asked him how old his pics were. Now we may be getting somewhere.

So Hemingway OldGlory called me around 1pm while I'm chatting with Eugene. I didn't switch over so OldGlory left a message telling me to call back. I got off the phone with Eugene fifteen minutes later and then I called OldGlory back. I got his voicemail and I left a message.

I heard nothing else from OldGlory for the rest of the day. I got a bit pissy and sent him an email message around 6pm telling him I didn't appreciate being dissed. That was unfortunately not cool on my part but I felt like things were moving along so great I couldn't understand why we haven't met. He calls me a minute later (since he has a Blackberry and got the email) and basically questions why I would say such a thing since we never agreed on a time.

Unfortunately OldGlory was right there. He technically weasled himself out of agreeing to meet by not responding. He conveniently claimed to be taking a nap and was presently hanging out (probably living...*LOL*) with his mother.

I begrudgingly admitted my wrongdoing and we hung up. In thinking about it, I kept wondering why he was so anxious to get pictures of me. I mean he saw what I looked like on my profile and I saw him. It then dawned on me what Eugene said. Eugene mentioned how OldGlory clammed up when Eugene asked about his pictures and old how they were(which actually as of today were the same ones Eugene saw years back).

It made me realize that OldGlory most likely wasn't who he said he was. He may have looked like the guy in those pics at one time but may have let himself go. That is likely why he was insistent on seeing pics of me. Though I don't know what made him think I may not be showing my old glory days myself. He wanted to see if I was telling the truth about how I look. Plus it's likely he's older than 48. All this could be why he evaded meeting me.

But why did he act like an eager beaver to begin with. Whatever the reason...




Madonna (singing): He's a pretender.








Case #3: Chad

Before you all flip out (this is for the old school followers of my blog...*LOL*), I'm not talking about that Chad. The reason why I call this third guy Chad is that honestly he's not worthy of his own nickname. So for the first time in my four and a half year history of blogging, I'm recycling a name.

Chad's message on the previously mentioned social networking site was actually quite inviting. Then again most guys try to put their best foot forward when pretending.

His message said: "I would like to meet a great guy that is looking for more than the usual hook-up. If you are that guy, hit me up! Friendship is a great thing!"

Yeah we've heard that message before in various forms, I know. But I thought hmm maybe this guy will be different. Plus I liked his stats (heh...I'm such a sucker for those...*LOL*)

Chad's case is actually relatively quick (even though the culmination of his bs took two weeks). Day 1 I send him a message. He looks to be online but he doesn't reply. Day 3 he replies back.

Right off I should've left it alone but it is possible to be online but not be online if you know what I mean. So hoping we could actually have a real time chat, I sent him my email address. He got my message Day 4 but didn't reply. Day 5 he finally replied but not via my email.

So I asked him why he didn't email me on Day 6 (I mean why should I reply back right away...*LOL*). On Day 7 Chad asked what would he say on my email.

Yeah yeah yeah I know....but you know how stubborn I can be....*LOL*. And besides isn't this more interesting to blog about...*LOL*. So Hemingway I actually replied on Day 7 with a joke message on what he could say. That same day actually (but hours later) he responded back retyping that joke message on A4A of course.

Not to be deterred (yeah I can be a fool...*LOL*) on Day 8 (which was last Monday) I tell him that it would be nice to at least chat in real-time and maybe we should set an appointment. I suggest 6pm on Wednesday. He claims that he has some virus in his laptop that he needs to get fixed but Wedneday should be fine.

So Wednesday comes and I actually wind up working late so I don't log in at 6pm. I logged in the next day (this is Day 11) and I see he sent a message around midnight Wednesday asking for my whereabouts.

I made the assumption that he himself was likely not there at 6pm so on Day 12 I said...'I thought we said 6'. He actually replied that same day (shocking again I know) and asked what I mean by 6. I wondered if this guy is as stupid as he's acting but I replied back that same day that I was referring to the 6pm appointment for a real time chat. I added that technically since it was the first time in nearly two weeks that he actually replied the same day I sent a message that it was kind of a start of a real-time chat. True to form he replies back on Day 14. He says 'What about 6pm?'.

I finally had enough and let him have it on his bullshit. I basically told him what he already knew. He had no intention of getting to know me since I gave him an avenue to do so and he didn't do anything with it. He replied back that he was glad to find out about my being crazy and good luck on finding a guy (yeah I was crazy enough to continue this farce of a charade for two weeks I guess...*LOL*). I replied back that if calling him out on his bullshit meant that I'm crazy, then yes I was. I also thanked him for being a jerk before I got to know him (since he saved me wasting my time...other than the two week pointless banter...*LOL*) . And then I blocked his simple ass. Yup...





Madonna (singing): He's a pretender.





So many pretenders out there to the throne. Yeah unfortunately I know all about their kind. Damn. Take it away Madonna.

Labor For Love

I was supposed to be home in Detroit for the holiday weekend. A combination of work and laziness kept me from going home. But not to worry I plan on going home next weekend. I took Friday and Monday off work to do so. I could hear in my Dad's voice his disappointment when I told him I wasn't coming. I still am amazed even years later on how much mellow my Dad's become as he's gotten older.

Parents have their own way of making their kids feel guilty. At least my parents have that effect on me. But I do love my parents so I'll definitely pay a visit.

So Hemingway I spent most of my weekend playing email, phone, and text tag with this hottie I chatted with on one of my social network sites. This past Friday was the first time I chatted with him. He had a nude picture of his nicely sculpted torso (minus his face) and his erect peewee. When I sent him a message complimenting his bod, I honestly didn't expect a response. But we exchanged emails and eventually traded numbers. He actually invited me to hang out with his friends at a bar. I declined since I was having one of my "ant-e-social" moments (at least in real life, not online). I made the suggestion that we go out bowling (hee...the irony) on Saturday. I suggested 1 PM but HotRod had a feeling he'd be hanging out real late and opted for 4PM. He said he'd call Saturday.

So Saturday comes and I don't get a call by afternoon. I decided to call him around 2pm but he sounded horrible. He told me that he stayed out till 5:30AM. Not only that but he was suffering from a huge hangover after downing several vodka and juice drinks. HotRod felt he'd be himself if we hung out early evening instead. I was skeptical but I went along with it.

Around 7:45 I got tired of waiting so I texted him and said I was making dinner for myself. He stated he was still lying in bed and didn't feel good. We texted back and forth for a bit and then we said our goodbyes for the day.

So yesterday (09/06) afternoon against my better sense I called HotRod. I got his voicemail. Twenty minutes later he sent me a text. We chatted back and forth and he apoligized for Saturday. I apologized for Friday. So I asked if he wanted to meet and he agreed to do so. We decided to meet around 4:30 for bowling and dinner.

HotRod truly was a hot rod, hence my nickname for him. He wore some form fitting blue jeans and a baseball shirt that complimented his upper body well. At 30 years old and 190 pounds, he's younger than the guys I've typically dated. He's also of Polish descent and I enjoyed hearing his accent.

He mentioned that he was a cop (and yeah he has cuffs for if we get naughty...*LOL*) so it surprised me to hear another accent coming out. It was the so-called "gay" accent. However it's a battle between his polish and gay accent with nice results. He also had a bit of a walk to him. However I was so attracted to him that I honestly didn't care.

I couldn't stop looking at him whenever it was his turn to bowl. His clothes definitely highlighted his muscular physique and I had images of his naked body in my head. We bowled a total of 4 games.

We had agreed to go to dinner afterward but it was nice knowing that neither one of us were anxious to end the date early. He got in my car and we drove to a Chinese restaurant fifteen minutes away.

Dinner was really nice and we got to know a few things more about each other. He's a Scorpio (my ex Rock is also one) so that may be interesting...again. Similar to my friend Eugene, he says what's on his mind and it doesn't matter at the time if he's hurting that person's feelings. He says in that regard that he's honest to a fault. If it's something that he truly feels, he will let it out. As I've mentioned in relation to Eugene, that's a double edge sword for me. On the one hand it's better to hear the truth but there are times when the truth can't be handled. During those times I can't handle the truth, I would get pissy but then it would force me to think. Ultimately it is better to be straightforward than to tell half-truths. It's something that I'm working to do more of.

His last relationship also lasted for two years, similar to mine. I didn't ask why it ended. I'll save that for another time.

Before I knew it dinner was over. I drove us back to the bowling alley and back to his car. We both expressed how much we enjoyed the date. There was this awkward moment where we weren't sure what the other person wanted to do. I really wanted to kiss HotRod and was trying to do all kind of nonverbal (yeah yeah yeah...straightforward honest, right ....*LOL*) actions to express that. I'm not sure if HotRod even noticed those but he leaned over towards me and I leaned to him and we exchanged an electric kiss.

It was a really nice end to a great date. I haven't had a date where things didn't end after a make out session at someone's place. It felt like a hetero date in a way. If we stay true to the hetero pattern, our third date should be the 'sex date'. Woo hoo!

The best thing about his kiss. I didn't taste any cigarette breath like I did with Colin. Digressing from HotRod for a few sentences (okay probably a paragraph or two...*LOL*)

Speaking of Colin, it appears he's officially written me off. The last correspondence I had with Colin was an email telling me his phone had been stolen from the gym. It just so happened that around that time he was also heading out to Vegas with some friends. He wanted me to give him my number so that he can add me back. I gave it to him but I haven't heard a peep from him. It's almost a month now since that email. I know he's alive because I see him logged on my social network site all the time.

I'm sure his friends (who all smoke) probably reminded him that I wasn't a big fan of the smoking. I really harped on it a few times and I'm sure they mentioned that if things were going anywhere, that would be an issue. Not to mention the distance thing would be major. I kinda wish Colin and I had a frank conversation about our feelings instead of avoiding the issue. But it's just as well.

Back to HotRod, so you know I called Eugene after our date was over to spill the tea. While Eugene and I were chatting, HotRod sent me a text telling me that I was very handsome. I told him he was a stud. While talking to Eugene, I was texting back and forth with HotRod. So we'll see where this one goes.

I also shared my date news with Sally who has some potential great news of her own. Let's just say she's been hunting for a job related to her field for almost two years now and it's possible that the search may soon be over. She's been in talks with a manager of a government contract firm in Virginia. Yeah my #1 girl may be soon leaving Chicago. I'm sad by the possibility but at the same time the Virgina/DC/Maryland area is where she wants to be. Plus I can always visit her. She also reconnected with an old love that lives in the area and things seem to be really taking off there. So it's almost like work and love may be converging for Sally. Please pray for her that she gets this blessing.

Back to me....Incidentally I have another date planned later in the week with another guy (in another state...Missouri so at least it's closer than Massaschusetts). I could hear the groans already...*LOL*. I'll share that story another time.

Eugene's Worth

They say variety is the spice of life. If someone were to dissect Eugene and me, that someone would quickly discover several key differences among us. There are some days I question my friendship with him. From time to time others have questioned it too. The only three things we have in common I sometimes feel are being born and raised in Detroit, being black, and being gay.

A while back I discussed a personality test called Myers-Briggs. As a sociology professor, Eugene took special interest in the test and when finding out a very close college bud of his had the exact same combo of letters, he was elated since it explained why the two got along so well. Eugene hyped it up so much that I was curious to take the test myself. It turned out I'm almost the complete opposite of Eugene, the only thing in common being that we're both spontaneous type folks (P). Everything else we were opposites. I'm an Introvert and he's an Extravert. I'm a Senser and he's an iNtuit. I'm a Feeler and he's a Thinker.

One fundamental difference is that Eugene doesn't have much of a filter and says what's on his mind whereas I keep some things to myself if I think it is hurtful. That's neither here nor there since sometimes you have to let it out, other times it is better not to.

Some of Eugene's stubborn beliefs regarding his sexuality and how it is perceived partially boils down to his own "daddy issues". As a child Eugene witnessed his father mentally and verbally abusing his mother. His dad was an alcoholic who often took out his frustrations on his mother and the rest of the family.

Eugene grew up with this strong sense of justice and fairness. He has a very idealistic notion that everyone deserves equal access to education, jobs, resources, and dignity. He has no idea how he became so idealistic considering his home life.

Seeing the abuse going on in the family caused quite a lot of conflict between Eugene and his father. They clashed a lot and that often led to physical altercations. Eugene was torn when it came to his mother. On the one hand he felt the need to protect her since the abuse she experienced was unfair. He needed to help his mother find justice. The flipside though was that he was angry with his mother for allowing his father to do what he did. He couldn't understand why she didn't leave him.

After graduating from Cass Tech, he relocated to Los Angeles for his undergraduate degree. Part of his reasoning for relocating was due to home issues. Growing up Eugene knew he had an attraction to guys. He told me countless stories of how "studs" used to always want to horse around with him. At the same time he told of resisting and fighting off the advances of an older man who tried to make the moves on him at a summer job he briefly had as a teenager.

He was conflicted with his feelings for guys wondering if part of his issue was due to him seeking acceptance from other males that he never got from his father. This conflict continued and the "stud" encounters increased as he went through his undergrad studies. These encounters shaped his expectations of what his ideal guy should be. They should be manly men, a guy's guy. So any guys that he perceived weren't strong enough to take him were considered weak and if such a guy showed any interest, he would back away. (And as much as he says what's on his mind, he's also about appearances at times. If you wear anything that can be tied to your sexual preference, he doesn't want to be around that since he would be linked by association. So no gay pride parades for him.)

Eugene experienced a lot of frustrations along with the obvious joys clowning with his "studs". 90% or so of the "studs" he had his matches with, he knew they were straight and nothing would come of it. The remaining 10% he sensed may have wanted more, mostly a curiosity of having a guy suck their dick. Eugene however lacked the experience to differentiate between the two groups.

One of Eugene's preferences in his Myers-Briggs assessment is his strong iNtuition. In thinking about it, it was surprising that Eugene didn't trust it more when it came to possibly going deeper with guys in his younger years. Of course his biggest regret was not allowing his relationship with Larry to go beyond friends.

Even today Eugene is not as sexually experienced as a guy in his mid 40s should be. Eugene doesn't get as much wrestling action as he did in his college days. But whenever he goes workout, he says that he turns the heads of "studs" (not the unstudly of course). A lot of these "studs" are in their 20s or early 30s and his fear now is twofold. The first is his worry that he may not be able to keep up with the sexual prowess of these guys (assuming it even went there). The second fear is his anticipation of said stud's disappointment in realizing Eugene's in his mid 40s.

These worries conflict with the huge "Kayne West" like EGO Eugene gets whenever folks think he is much younger than his age. He was insufferable years back when he came to visit me and he tagged along on a date I had with Matt. The three of us were at TGIFs and our waitress was taking our drink orders. She asked for our ids and was flirting with Eugene a bit. Before taking his id she told him she thought he was in his mid 20s. She was shocked to learn that he was 42. So of course we wanted her to guess my age. She got it right unfortunately telling me my correct age.

Of course Eugene had to rub it in that she thought he was younger than I. I fruitlessly pointed out that I was aged by association since she couldn't imagine a 20-something hanging with an over 40 guy. It was a weak argument but it was all I had. He still brings that up every now and then whenever he receives random "you don't look your age" compliments.

So Hemingway part of why I wrote this entry was due to recent comments regarding Eugene's attitude from CrocoEmbossed & HaroldGibson. I do agree that he displays the very things via his actions that he's afraid that I may trip up somehow. He didn't believe me but when I first met him at the Amtrak station in Detroit in 2005, I definitely picked up on his "gay" tendencies. It wasn't anything bad but all men, even the so-called macho ones have some feminine tendencies in them and his were a bit pronounced. I should take offense to his opinions but I know he's struggling with his sexuality and he especially wants to perceive himself being careful since he's hoping to get tenured soon.

I also wrote this entry to try to remind myself of all the good qualities he has. I mean, why am I friends with him? Why do we talk to each other so much?

One of those qualities I mentioned earlier in this post. It's his sense of justice and fairness for all. He actually touched me a bit with his recent actions of helping a homeless young man get his life straight. This started about a month and a half ago. Eugene met him at Bally's and soon found out that he was living in a homeless shelter. The shelter he stays at has a cut-off time where they stop accepting folks. He's missed it a few times and Eugene allowed him to stay the night at his place. He also bought him a P.O. Box so that any perspective employees or anyone that can help has an address to send him info. In a lot of ways, Eugene is taking on a fatherly role with him. I've even teased him by asking how his son is doing. Eugene's latest project is trying to get his son to shave off his dreads (basically to make him more presentable in interviews). It's a really nice thing he's doing and not something everyone would do. This is just one example of someone he's helped and not expect anything in return.

Another quality is his ability to read situations. That's a double-edge sword of course. A lot of times I don't like to hear what his "imaginary antennas" are telling him. He's not always 100% right (even though he claims to be...*LOL*) but a lot of times he is on the mark about certain things. And as much as I bite my tongue, I've learned from him that sometimes it is good to speak your mind. I mean how is anyone supposed to know how I feel if I keep quiet.

Eugene's also a big kid at heart. That gets old at times but it reminds me not to always take life so seriously. That lesson I have to keep learning again and again.

Eugene really hates corporations. So whenever I have a beef with any company, I tell him the details and have him call on my behalf. He's helped me out of several different jams that I found myself in financially.

It's going on four and a half years that we've known each other. I guess time flies when you're having fun. Eugene can work my last nerve but I know there are times I've worked his as well. We have a crazy friendship. The few days a year that we actually hang together we always seem to clash over one thing or another. But luckily we make up pretty regularly too.

So for the moment I choose to accept some of his crazy notions. The pros of having Eugene in my life outweighs the cons. The longer we know each other, hopefully the more our friendship will evolve. Time will tell.

Boston Milestone

As I was driving near my neighborhood, I ran into the most interesting display that I had to photograph. Basically someone living at this house turned 50 and it was decided that this milestone needed to be advertised to everyone. My rear view mirror is kind of blocking part of it but basically the display says Carol IS 50 and further in the background are a bunch of bras that were hung on a clothesline along with a sign that says "We Support You".

I thought it was funny but I'm hoping nothing like that happens to me when I turn 40, which is actually just a little over three years away. Wow...I'm getting old.

I mentioned a potential boyfriend in a post last month named Colin. He's a guy that I met back in May when I was visiting Eugene in Boston. So Hemingway last weekend I flew into Boston to spend more time with Colin. I took Friday off and took a 8:35AM flight to Boston. Colin was going to pick me up at the airport. I was hoping to be able to nap during this flight but I was stuck sitting next to two chatty Bettys who were carrying on with each other about their respective activities. To try and drone out their chatter, I put my Ipod on.

I arrived and made my way towards baggage claim. My first mission was to try and find a restroom. There was a couple on route to baggage claim but I figured I'd find one near baggage claim to go to. I made my way through the airport maze and then headed downstairs to bc. As I walked down there I saw a sign for the restroom but I had to go up some stairs to get to it. Needless to say I was annoyed. I stood there contemplating climbing the flight of stairs when Colin sneaked up behind me and we hugged. He handed me a Dunkin Donuts ice tea and mentioned that I walked right by him just near the down escalator. I guess I was so focused that I looked right past him.

So Hemingway we went up the stairs, I took care of business, and then we made our way towards the parking garage. He needed to pay for the ticket via a machine and we entered an elevator. We wound up having the elevator to ourselves and Colin promptly reached over and we started kissing. Part of me was thinking there were probably cameras watching us but I went along with it. I detected what tasted like a cigarette in his breath but I didn't comment on it, instead I was relishing on the overall excitement of the illicit moment.

We made our way to his olive colored Jeep (a color that I love) and that was where I saw his pack of cigarettes. One thing I'm not crazy about is smoking and it can be a big turnoff. Unfortunately his profile didn't mention anything about smoking which honestly I would've likely eliminated him from my dating pool. But Colin slipped by my radar and I got to know a lot of things about him since we spoke daily that appealed to me. So I was conflicted.

I mentioned the cigarettes to him and he stated that he was trying to quit, which I guess is a start. I let it go for the moment as we made our way out of the airport. He reached for my hand and was holding it at various points while he was driving (Awww!). His Jeep was a stick shift so he occasionally needed that hand to change gears. As soon as he was done, he promptly held my hand again (Awww!). The pattern repeated....change gears, hold hands, change gears, hold hands.

He asked if we should go to lunch first or drop my luggage and then go. I decided on the former and we wound up going to the same sushi place where we had our first date. The sushi was delicious but I wasn't particularly fond of the waiting staff. It honestly felt like they were more attentive to Colin than myself. I guess I should get this out now....he's another white guy. (And no Rock didn't sour me to black guys...I still got love for the brothers...it just so happened that I've been meeting a lot more white guys lately.) I didn't make a fuss about it though especially since Colin paid for the meal but if I was paying for it, I'd definitely make a point of giving the minimum of tips.

Afterwards Colin needed to run a couple errands, including getting some liquor for a couple friends (including his ex) that would be stopping by Sunday. So we took care of the errands and aside from one funny incident (we found a walkie-talkie that a Sam's Club employee left in the lot...Colin played with it and contacted a store clerk, who wondered how he stumbled across it), the shopping was uneventful. Well...I was perturbed when Colin attempted to purchase an entire carton of Marlboro Lights (yeah that's gonna be an issue) but other than that it was uneventful.

We went back to his place where he was greeted by his two cats (they were friendly though only on their terms...*LOL*). They ran away when I walked in and I could imagine them thinking about what Colin drug in...*LOL*. Hemingway we decided to spend a lowkey evening where he would make a home-cooked meal (a major plus). He asked me to invite Eugene over so the two of us could catch up and then we could watch a movie. Eugene, being the peculiar individual that he is, declined the invite. But it was fine.

We entertained ourselves watching TV, making out, having sex, and him getting the vegetables and meat ready for a homemade chicken veggie soup w/ rice. I fell asleep afterwards as we were watching Knowing with Nicholas Cage. So ended Friday.

Originally Colin and I were thinking about driving to Connecticut and visiting Foxwoods Resort Casino and staying overnight. But Colin mentioned that he had some discount he wanted to use and couldn't do it online or over the phone. He mentioned having to drive down there in person (an hour and a half drive) to do so. But as the weeks drug on (since our first meeting in May), I had a feeling Colin changed his mind about the resort, even though I was still kind of excited by it. He was making up excuses for not getting it taken care of. I finally stopped asking about it. I got that confirmation that we weren't going there days before when he suggested spending a day at the beach instead (the weather was going to be nice for a change....Boston like a lot of other areas haven't had much of a summer).

I was okay with the idea. I honestly needed to brush up on the little swimming skill I had that I was sure faded away. Plus he claimed there was a gay section of the beach and I knew I wouldn't mind seeing a few hard bodies.

So Saturday morning we made our way to Ogunquit, Maine, which was just a little over an hour drive from Boston. Colin boasted that Ogunquit actually attracts quite a number of gay and lesbian folks and a number of gay/lesbian owned businesses, including a bed and breakfast, existed.

We got there early enough to get decent parking and there was a bit of a crowd, though it was predominately hetero. Colin the night before had made some sandwiches and bought some chips, pretzels, cherries, and water, which he packed into a cooler. The cooler had wheels which he used to drag it along the parking lot. Once we got to the beach, we grabbed one end of the cooler and carried it along the beach(that was so a couples thing...*LOL*). There were already a small crowd gathered at the "straight" section of the beach. We walked past that and got to what Colin called the "gay" section, which was actually empty.

We settled near an open area and laid out our blankets and gear. I was wearing some speedos, which surprisingly looked good on me. Luckily I didn't have much of a bulge. We chatted, laid out in the sun for a bit, and I ate a sandwich with some chips. The eye candy was few even though I did catch a hot guy who seemed to be purposely posing.

The wind started picking up and unfortunately sand started coming all over me, even though I hadn't moved from my blanket. A bit over two hours after we settled in, Colin and I decided to pack it in. And no I didn't get to go swimming.

Of couse as we're leaving, all the hot gay guys decided to show up. Colin made a joke that they would leave within ten minutes after getting sand in their hair.

Ogunquit as you can imagine didn't have many blacks floating around. I may have ran into two other black folks the entire time I was there. Colin and I walked around town but didn't stop anywhere in particular. We wound up walking along this long pathway along the shoreline. It was really nice and I admit having thoughts of making out with Colin at various private alcoves that were hidden along the path. But I kept those feelings inside as we continued the walk. We saw a trolley and hopped on it as we made our way back to where we started.

On route back to Boston, we stopped at an outlet in Kittery, ME. We went to Old Navy to get a couple t-shirts and I stopped at a Casual Male XL to get some shorts for my dad. I was trying to stop at one in the Detroit area when I last visited my parents but all the ones in Michigan for some reason were out of business. So when I saw it I immediately knew I had to go there.

Colin expressed feeling extra tired when getting back. Eugene had actually suggested us meeting him and a guy he's been dating at an Italian restaurant that night. I admit I was stunned that Eugene suggested it since when I had mentioned possibly getting together with him and his guy days before, he nixed the idea saying he didn't want it to seem like we were on a "double date". Colin however wasn't up to going and while a part of me was disappointed that we wouldn't be able to (I would've gone but I don't drive stick -- aside from being fucking lost -- and his date was actually picking him up so he didn't want to have him get me), a part of me was actually glad. I get annoyed with Eugene at times because he always wants to control outings and who meets who. We've gotten into arguments in the past because he wouldn't introduce me to his friends since he concluded we wouldn't get along (and a possible fear that I might "out" him since my masculinity index is so low according to him). But this entry isn't about Eugene and his pigeonholing so let me move on.

Later Saturday Colin offered me the chance to do some laundry (basically his clothes with a bit of mine). His laundry room also happens to be his kitty litter room and his smoking room. I sighed as I saw a pack of cigarettes and his full litter box. I actually decided to clean the litterbox after starting the laundry. (Yeah I'm that type of guy...*LOL*)

The plan Sunday was for me to spend the day with his friends hanging out in Boston and going to their favorite gay bar. Before meeting his friends, Colin had wanted us to go to the gym to work out. But I forgot my sneakers believe it or not so we didn't go. So instead Colin was being the good host making sandwiches with leftovers from our beach outing and also warming up the rest of the soup from Friday.

So two of his friends arrived, the first of which wound up being his ex. The story there was that he and his ex were dating for three years and living together but the last two years they lost interest and basically had a nonsexual relationship. Their friendship in contrast grew to where they consider each other to be close friends. His ex actually moved to his own place last month.

So I met Colins-ex who actually seemed like a nice guy. He's a smaller framed guy of South American descent. I found out that they both worked at the same place (which is an independent living facility for older folks). Colin's managing one of thier kitchens and has under him some managers and chefs. (It explains his love for cooking) Colins-ex works as a manager in a different kitchen from Colin. Needless to say a lot of their conversations centered around their job.

Colin's other friend showed up ten minutes later. Frankford was a quiet yet mischievous heavyset guy who Colin stated was his best friend. I found out that Frankford was responsible for bringing Colin and Colins-ex into their current jobs. He wound up being laid-off by the same company a few years back. So a lot of the conversations continued to center around their job.

I was quietly observing the threesome and noticed there were a couple moments when Frankford and Colin would disappear to the laundry room. I sighed as I smelled a bit of cigarette smoke.

We all left Colin's condo and headed out to Boston in Colin's jeep. Since Frankford was big, I let him ride up front with Colin. We made our way to Boston and walked along part of historical downtown. We passed an H&M store and Colin insisted on going in to find some clothes. I was combing through some of the clothes but didn't find anything that appealed to me. I felt a bit bad for Frankford since there really weren't any clothes in his size. Eventually Frankford and Colins-ex went outside while Colin continued shopping. I joined the others outside as Colin went to pay for his items.

We made our way to Boston Commons and walked along the park. Not wanting to drag his bag around to the bar, Colin went to his car to drop off his bag. I tagged along with him while the others waited for us to return.

Eventually we made our way to Fritz, a popular gay sports bar in Boston. The highlight of the afternoon was seeing how Colin wound up socializing with other folks in the bar. He seemed to clash in particular with a queen-type guy who also looked to be having a crush on Colin. I also counted about six trips Colin and Frankford made outside to smoke cigarettes. (Yeah that's gonna be a running issue I see...*LOL*).

We ended the evening with a trip to Fire&Ice (I'm feeling a slight TeenaMarie/Rick James moment here), a grill and bar place where you pick the food items and they cook it right in front of you. Colin had what I considered a klepto moment when he chose to pocket a small sea salt grinder because "he didn't have one at home".

My flight was scheduled for early that Monday at 6:50AM. We prepared by turning in as soon as we got back from Boston. It was around that time that my body chose to have a pain in the shoulder. I told Colin about it and he said that he would give it a massage. I thought that was nice but instead he wound up giving me an Icy Hot patch. (*LOL*)

As we were getting to know each other, I learned that his birthday was on the 16th. Since I knew I wouldn't be in town for it, I decided to get a gift for him ahead of time. He mentioned being a huge fan of the Golden Girls (something that he has in common with Eugene and a lot of America...*LOL*). He had all the seasons of Golden Girls except for Season 4. He was looking to get it at his local Best Buy but they never seemed to have a copy. So I decided to get it for him for his birthday. I presented it to him just before we went to bed. He was pleasantly surprised and thanked me for the gift.

We went to bed and we woke up around 3:30 AM to get ready for the airport. Traffic wasn't too bad for 4AM...*LOL*. We had one last quick kiss upon arriving at the airport and parted ways.

Overall it was a good visit. Colin and I got to know a bit more about each other. Weighing in the pros and cons, I would say that the pros outweigh the cons (despite the huge one). I'm interested in getting to know him some more but am also keeping my options open.