The Pretenders

Pretender - Madonna

[Chorus 1]
He's a pretender
He knows just what to say
He's a pretender
Yeah, you meet him every day
He's a pretender
That fish that got away
He's a pretender
Why'd I fall in love

[Verse 1]
It was so strange
The way he held my hand
I wanted more
Than just a one night stand
He had a way
Of making me believe
That he was mine
And that he'd never leave

I know that I should take my friend's advice
Cuz if it happened once, you know it happens twice
If there's a chance then I know I've got to try
I'll make him dance with me,
I'll make him tell me why

He's a pretender
He's a pretender

[Bridge 1]
I'm not afraid to fall a hundred times
And I'll believe in all your silly lies
I'd like to think that I could change your mind
Don't say that I am blind, I know all about your kind

[Chorus 2]
He's a pretender
Yeah, you meet him every day
He's a pretender
That fish that got away
He's a pretender
Why'd I fall in love

[Verse 2]
I like the way
He moved across the floor
And when he danced with me I know he wanted more
But in the dark
Things happened much too fast
I should've stopped him
Then, I knew it wouldn't last

I know that I should take my friend's advice
Cuz if it happened once, you know it happens twice
If there's a chance then I know I've got to try
I'll make him dance with me, I'll make him tell me why

[Repeat Bridge 1]

[Bridge 2]
You lied, you lied, you lied, you lied
You lied, you lied, you lied, you lied
You lied, you lied, you lied, you lied
You lied, you lied, I know all about your kind

[Chorus 3]
He's a pretender
He's a pretender
He's a pretender
Why'd I fall in love

[Repeat Chorus 1]

[Repeat Chorus 3 and ad lib]

I've referenced Madonna a couple times throughout my blog. But this is the first time to my knowledge that I've made reference to her lyrics. But this song seems so appropriate in relation to my recent dealings with men.

There have been three men I've chatted with in the last month or so that seems to come roaring out of the gates but then fizzles out and turns into the typical game playing that men do.

Case 1: Hotrod.

So sad. You remember I blogged about my wonderful first date with Hotrod on Labor Day weekend. What I didn't mention in that entry is that we had a follow up date the next day. He came over to my place brandishing movies and I warmed up the leftovers from the date we had yesterday. It turned out he said he wasn't hungry because of eating something earlier at work.

Hemingway we watched The Hangover, a funny movie that I actually wanted to see when it came out in theatres but didn't get around to. He happened to have a bootleg copy of it along with Fast & Furious (with sexy ass Vin Diesel) and Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans. The other movies he left with me.

The evening date I thought went well. We watched the movie, I ate some of my leftovers, and afterwards we made out a bit. And clothes didn't come off. He first arrived ten minutes before six and left a few minutes after eight pm. He said that he works at 4am.

I honestly thought the second date went great and it really felt like we were getting to know each other. But I notice HotRod wasn't as responsive to me. We mostly texted anyway but even those became less and less. I found myself initiating the texts more and more and sometimes he wouldn't necessarily respond.

At first I thought he may have thought I was lying about visiting my family in Detroit (which I did the following weekend). I was a bit vague about the timing since I had contemplated visiting a prospective guy in St. Louis that following Thursday. That meeting didn't happen (because of bad taxi service....American Taxi was a no show at my place) and subsequently I realized that I didn't really have an attraction to the St. Louis guy.

But when I texted him some more after my Detroit visit and suggested meeting him, he claimed to have the flu and that his Mom was at his place. That alone could've been taken at face value if in later days he didn't claim to have injured his knee and a week later have a bum shoulder (that would take six weeks to heal).

I told him if his interest in me has changed he should let me know and that would be fine. But he claims that's not the case.




Madonna (singing): He's a pretender.









Case 2: OldGlory

This guy who I'm calling OldGlory is a dude I met on that social networking site I keep visiting for some odd reason...*LOL*. His profile claimed that he was 48 years old, 6'2 and 200+ lbs of Muscular build. He claims in his ad to be a regular Joe Schmoe of quality and good old fashioned down to earthiness.

I liked his message and his pictures. I was more attracted to the body than his face but it wasn't like his face could crack a mirror (totally) so I emailed him. To my surprise he quickly gave me his real email address and told me not to be shy about using it.

I was impressed. Most guys like to play the okey doke initially. So I decided I'd email him for the heck of it. I did and within minutes I got an email back with his phone number.

I was thinking...damn. Either he's desperate or he is a straight up guy that doesn't beat around the bush. Assuming the latter, I gave him a call. He didn't answer but I left a message. The voice was very deep and manly, definite turn on.

So he actually called me back thirty minutes later saying that he's on the road heading to Wisconsin with his best friend and that best friends kids to some outing. I wasn't clear about it but it sounded like some fair-like event. But he told me to send him a few more pics of myself. That should've been a sign right there but...Hemingway.

So throughout the day we're texting back and forth and I sent him three more pics of myself throughout the day. We even talked on the phone a couple times throughout that. The messages were very positive and I was actually eager to meet him. I suggested that it'd be cool to meet sometime tomorrow and he said that was fine.

So tomorrow comes and I send him a quick text asking how he's doing. It takes him awhile but he texts back saying he's fine and that his friend and said friend's kids were leaving to go back to Michigan. I was like cool. So I said it'd be cool to meet today. He agreed and then I suggested lunchtime around 1pm. I heard nothing else.

I made mention to my friend Eugene about this guy and after I shared his information, Eugene recognized him as a guy he spoke to years ago. He said that OldGlory was just as quick responding to him but then backed up when Eugene asked him how old his pics were. Now we may be getting somewhere.

So Hemingway OldGlory called me around 1pm while I'm chatting with Eugene. I didn't switch over so OldGlory left a message telling me to call back. I got off the phone with Eugene fifteen minutes later and then I called OldGlory back. I got his voicemail and I left a message.

I heard nothing else from OldGlory for the rest of the day. I got a bit pissy and sent him an email message around 6pm telling him I didn't appreciate being dissed. That was unfortunately not cool on my part but I felt like things were moving along so great I couldn't understand why we haven't met. He calls me a minute later (since he has a Blackberry and got the email) and basically questions why I would say such a thing since we never agreed on a time.

Unfortunately OldGlory was right there. He technically weasled himself out of agreeing to meet by not responding. He conveniently claimed to be taking a nap and was presently hanging out (probably living...*LOL*) with his mother.

I begrudgingly admitted my wrongdoing and we hung up. In thinking about it, I kept wondering why he was so anxious to get pictures of me. I mean he saw what I looked like on my profile and I saw him. It then dawned on me what Eugene said. Eugene mentioned how OldGlory clammed up when Eugene asked about his pictures and old how they were(which actually as of today were the same ones Eugene saw years back).

It made me realize that OldGlory most likely wasn't who he said he was. He may have looked like the guy in those pics at one time but may have let himself go. That is likely why he was insistent on seeing pics of me. Though I don't know what made him think I may not be showing my old glory days myself. He wanted to see if I was telling the truth about how I look. Plus it's likely he's older than 48. All this could be why he evaded meeting me.

But why did he act like an eager beaver to begin with. Whatever the reason...




Madonna (singing): He's a pretender.








Case #3: Chad

Before you all flip out (this is for the old school followers of my blog...*LOL*), I'm not talking about that Chad. The reason why I call this third guy Chad is that honestly he's not worthy of his own nickname. So for the first time in my four and a half year history of blogging, I'm recycling a name.

Chad's message on the previously mentioned social networking site was actually quite inviting. Then again most guys try to put their best foot forward when pretending.

His message said: "I would like to meet a great guy that is looking for more than the usual hook-up. If you are that guy, hit me up! Friendship is a great thing!"

Yeah we've heard that message before in various forms, I know. But I thought hmm maybe this guy will be different. Plus I liked his stats (heh...I'm such a sucker for those...*LOL*)

Chad's case is actually relatively quick (even though the culmination of his bs took two weeks). Day 1 I send him a message. He looks to be online but he doesn't reply. Day 3 he replies back.

Right off I should've left it alone but it is possible to be online but not be online if you know what I mean. So hoping we could actually have a real time chat, I sent him my email address. He got my message Day 4 but didn't reply. Day 5 he finally replied but not via my email.

So I asked him why he didn't email me on Day 6 (I mean why should I reply back right away...*LOL*). On Day 7 Chad asked what would he say on my email.

Yeah yeah yeah I know....but you know how stubborn I can be....*LOL*. And besides isn't this more interesting to blog about...*LOL*. So Hemingway I actually replied on Day 7 with a joke message on what he could say. That same day actually (but hours later) he responded back retyping that joke message on A4A of course.

Not to be deterred (yeah I can be a fool...*LOL*) on Day 8 (which was last Monday) I tell him that it would be nice to at least chat in real-time and maybe we should set an appointment. I suggest 6pm on Wednesday. He claims that he has some virus in his laptop that he needs to get fixed but Wedneday should be fine.

So Wednesday comes and I actually wind up working late so I don't log in at 6pm. I logged in the next day (this is Day 11) and I see he sent a message around midnight Wednesday asking for my whereabouts.

I made the assumption that he himself was likely not there at 6pm so on Day 12 I said...'I thought we said 6'. He actually replied that same day (shocking again I know) and asked what I mean by 6. I wondered if this guy is as stupid as he's acting but I replied back that same day that I was referring to the 6pm appointment for a real time chat. I added that technically since it was the first time in nearly two weeks that he actually replied the same day I sent a message that it was kind of a start of a real-time chat. True to form he replies back on Day 14. He says 'What about 6pm?'.

I finally had enough and let him have it on his bullshit. I basically told him what he already knew. He had no intention of getting to know me since I gave him an avenue to do so and he didn't do anything with it. He replied back that he was glad to find out about my being crazy and good luck on finding a guy (yeah I was crazy enough to continue this farce of a charade for two weeks I guess...*LOL*). I replied back that if calling him out on his bullshit meant that I'm crazy, then yes I was. I also thanked him for being a jerk before I got to know him (since he saved me wasting my time...other than the two week pointless banter...*LOL*) . And then I blocked his simple ass. Yup...





Madonna (singing): He's a pretender.





So many pretenders out there to the throne. Yeah unfortunately I know all about their kind. Damn. Take it away Madonna.