Just For Tonight

Just For Tonight - Vanessa L. Williams

Verse 1:
It's hard to realize we said our last goodbyes
Where could the dream have gone to
Now I know there's no way that I can make you stay
No matter how I want to

We made some memories that my heart will always treasure
Before you close the door let's make one more

REFRAIN:
Baby, just for tonight let me give myself to you
And all I ask is just for tonight love me like you used to do
And i promise that I won't cry, I won't ask you why
I won't even try to change your feelings
If you just hold me tight, just once more, just for tonight

Verse 2:
I thought the love we'd found
Was built on solid ground
And it would just grow stronger
Crazy as it may seem
I need to dream that dream
For just, just a little longer

So for the sake of all that magic we made together
Open your heart to mine just one more time

Repeat REFRAIN

All I want is one more night
So why don't you come to me, let me dream
This night means everything to me
All I ask is for tonight
Baby just hold me tight
Come to me, let me dream
This night means everything to me

This song is one of many gems off Vanessa L. Williams's (She needed to add the L because Vanessa Williams of Soul Food fame registered her name first.) The Comfort Zone LP. When I first heard the song, I remember being in awe with Vanessa's singing. It was like she was singing from personal experience. As I listened and memorized the lyrics, I thought to myself, damn Vanessa's slick as I don't know what. I was thinking, girl please, it's obvious that she's hoping that by rocking this guy's world one last time that he'll realize for himself the mistake of leaving her.

That theme I think is quite common in real life. Sadly I've experienced it just trying to get second dates with some pathetic dude that put me under his spell after the first date. Need I remind you of Aaron...*LOL*. Unlike Vanessa's situation, however, that chance to rock his world one last time never came. That pisses me off more than anything.

But don't fret. I've been over Aaron for a while now. He was just the closest example I had that conveyed those same feelings. It's always the ones you really like that fuck things over with you.

As it turns out, Vanessa may have been speaking from personal experience. Check out these fun facts about her hit song. I don't know if any of those facts have been substantiated but I found the trivia interesting.

Hemingway, to everyone that's going through a "Just For Tonight" scenario currently, as hard as it may be, it may be best to cut the jerk loose. Ain't nothing worse than stroking the MF's ego and making him think he's even more of the shit than he thinks he is. So maybe, Just For Tonight, we should instead of wasting time on a sour lemon, try to make some sweet lemonade with someone else. Just a crazy thought. Just a crazy post..:-)

Turkey Holiday 2005

Hey everyone. E's back in the saddle.

The most eventful part of my "turkey" holiday was getting to Detroit. There were patches of Indiana and Michigan where there was blizzard-like conditions. The roads in certain areas of the expressway were slick. I found my Cavalier slipping and sliding in some spots. It was a bit unnerving. I also saw a dozen cars on the side of the road, a lot of them I suspect from spinouts.

All I could think was...please let me make it to see my folks. Surely I was meant to have my Mom's home cooking one last time. Surely I jest not..:-)

Thankfully I made it through the storm and drove into calmer roads. It was a little stop and go here and there. But I made it obviously.

The long weekend was spent hanging primarily with my parents. My older sis Tasha ate with us for Thanksgiving but my younger sis Trina was a no-show. From what I learned, Trina and her guy recently closed on a new home together. How together, as far as whether it's in both names, I've no clue.

I drove my Mom to several different stores on Friday, all of them thankfully not at a major mall outlet. The fascination people have with hanging out all night after eating turkey waiting for some brick-n-mortar slab (err, not my boss...*LOL*) to open their doors is beyond me. Heaven forbid I find myself in the overly replayed scenario that Grand Rapids woman put herself in. I heard in the melee she was desperately looking for her weave. Nothing like having that search displayed over and over again on national TV.

I drove my Dad Saturday to Sam's in search for anti-virus software for his PC as well as more items my Mom needed. (Heh...my Mom likes to buy in bulk.) I also later on helped my Dad with some of his PC issues. Later that night, I was in the mood to listen to some old French LP's that my Mom used to play growing up. An old record player that hadn't been played in years was luckily working. I got to relive and sing along with artists like Mireille Matthieu and Julio Iglesias. Both artists, of course, have recorded albums in French, Spanish, Italian, and English among other languages. It was cool reliving the memories, especially since my Mom and I got into singing the songs again.

I spent Sunday afternoon driving my Mom to Sears to use her gift card from last year and later on to K-Mart. Didn't they like merge? *LOL* For some reason, I had a bad case of the runs at K-Mart. TMI I know...but that was about the most exciting thing that happened, aside from me flirting with a female cashier at Sears, hoping to get a discount. It didn't work...*LOL*. As much as I prayed to be able to make it home, I unfortunately knew I couldn't. I was forced to do "the 2" at K-Mart. I crouched the entire time, refusing to sit on the nasty seat. That's about as much of that nasty memory as I want to share since I already shared too much...*LOL*.

My Mom and I bonded even more after dinner over Desperate Housewives. She's a fan of the show as well. We ooohed as Gabby was confronted with an uncoventional nun who seems to be trying to take Carlos away from her. We ahhhed as Bree realized the depths of George's crazy. I even played a bit with one of the cats, Scaredycat has warmed up to me quite a bit. Though it's mostly the prospect of food that he's warmed up to. Let no stranger keep him away from a meal. PMScat has resorted to hiding behind the sofa almost the entire time of my visit. The few times we were in the same vicinity, she scampered away like the scared PMScat she is. My last night in town she hissed at me. It was like old times all over again..:-)

Of course a few family issues creeped up. Maybe one day I'll go into them a bit more depth.

But all in all it was a cool weekend. My return trip was incredibly quick, thanks to the nice weather and fewer traffic.

It's back to work tomorrow for yours truly. Boo hiss.

Gone Till November

November 28th, that is. I'll be making that road trip to Detroit tomorrow morning. I heard it may snow something fierce tomorrow so keep me in mind and send good vibes my way.

In the words of the sexy murderess Velma Kelly, "Ok, boys, we're going home! But before we go, there's a few more parting shots!"

POP!!! Cami, where forth thou art blog? Fortunately I do see you have a spot on myspace. Thank goodness! I thought I was gonna have to hunt you down. :-) Seriously, I have nothing but love for you!

SIX!!! Marz, I just have to say that you're a force to be reckoned with. You have a way with words and with life. And you're just 16. I can't wait to see and hear what you're like in your 20's. Stay safe and graduation is only a short time away.

SQUISH!!! Hey Chase, thanks for including me in your list of blogs. I enjoy reading your stories as well. You know, I sorta slacked off on the novel month. Yeah I was weak. I may have some time to gather some thoughts while in Detroit. But I know I'm not making 50,000 words. Let alone 500...*LOL*.

UH-HUH!!! I think I may add a FAQ entry soon, just to highlight key phrases and folks that I may discuss from time to time on my blog. You're right dugla, the explanation behind Hemingway is pretty straightforward. It's just my corny (some say cute...*LOL*) way of saying anyway. Heh, and yeah, them massuer's do get crazy paid, especially when they're hot. When I hugged him, he knew what angle to try and sell me at. Unfortunately for him, he screwed it up by blowing me off. Not good for customer relations. But if he called with an enticing offer...umm, Hemingway.

CICERO!!!! I think I'll be passing near there during my road trip but not actually crossing it. So no sexy voice going 'Cicero' in my future. ProfessorGQ, you live anywhere near Cicero? Oh, and I'm still waiting for that Pamela Anderson piece. *LOL*.

LIPSCHITZ!!!! To Lipschitz's surviving relatives and everyone out there in my blog universe, whereever and however you're spending the holiday weekend, let's all be safe. I'll miss you all and will return Monday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Can You Keep A Secret Too

Thanks everyone for the feedback on my last entry. My favorite picture outside of the Toni Braxton ones was the one of the man sleeping. On the caption, I wrote..."Susan You're The..". Is it just me or is Susan the standard name of the other woman? I think Whitney started it with her single My Name Is Not Susan. And then Salt uttered the words 'and he knows my name's not Susan.' So I thought it was cute to throw Susan in the mix.

I fortunately 99.44% of the time don't talk in my sleep. Then again, I sleep alone 99.44% of the time, so maybe I don't know...:-) But there was one time as a child I went on a trip to Mackinaw Island in Michigan and shared a cabin with my Pastor (he slept on the floor while I had the bed). He was pulling the covers on the floor while I was pulling to keep enough on the bed. It was early in the morning and I must've been dreaming about my school morning routine. My Mom would shout at my sisters and I to wake up. She had to do that several times before eventually we finally did. Hemingway, while sleeping in the cabin, I spoke out and said 'Ok Mama, I'm already getting up.'. When I uttered the words, I immediately woke up and realized where I was. I covered my mouth and hoped my Pastor didn't hear me. But when I cracked on him hogging the covers, he cracked on hearing me talking in my sleep. How embarrassing.

So I guess I would find it hard to believe that a guy could talk in his sleep and not know it. Then again, some folks are sound dreamers.

* * * * *

One quality that I've always had about myself is that I'm good at keeping secrets. A lot of folks have taken advantage of that fact whenever they needed counsel. It is good knowing that you won't hear from Martha what you told me if you don't want me to.

Just a few of the random secrets I've been told:

• A co-employee mentioned having secret accounts that his spouse knows nothing about.
• A male co-employee had a DNA test mailed to my house so his spouse wouldn't know about suspicions that a child of theirs wasn't really said co-employee's.
• I was once sworn to keep a new car purchase a secret from a spouse.

As Toni Braxton uttered in the first few words of her single Talking In His Sleep, so you know everything about your lover? A lot of us would like to believe that, but let's flip the question. Does your lover know everything about you? Nine out of ten folks I'm sure would answer that no. I mean, do you tell your lover that you got around in high school? Or that you used to swing for the other team? Or that you were frequented orgies in college?

I don't know about everyone else but there are just some things I'd rather not know about my significant other. I mean, as long as you know that they love you and only you, they have no infectious diseases and aren't spreading themselves around currently and are hopelessly devoted to you, what they've done in their past should stay there. I would only want to know if it has the potential to affect my present.

Besides where's the fun in knowing everything about your partner (at least the stuff that's not break-up worthy...*LOL*). Over time, you should be able to learn more and more about what makes your partner tick as he/she eventually shares more and more parts of their lives. Of course, you in turn would teach your partner all about you. It's called give and take.

So it's okay to keep some secrets (again the non break-up worthy stuff...*LOL*) from your partner. After all, most everybody loves a good mystery.

Ok. I'm off to get my workout on. Lord knows I need it...:-)

Can You Keep A Secret?

One of my favorite songs ever by Toni Braxton came off her Secrets album. It's a shame that a video for Talking In His Sleep was never released and unfortunately the song barely got out of the Top 40. I think what I liked about it was Toni's sexy speaking voice. I definitely could put myself in the director's seat on that video. This entry is my faulty attempt to correcting that oversite. So sit back and enjoy my first attempt at making a video...well a blogdeo...*LOL*.

Talking In His Sleep - Toni Braxton

[The camera zooms onto an empty stage and then the lovely Toni Braxton in front of a mircophone.]

Toni: "So you know everything about your lover?"

[...a beat passes before Toni resumes repeats a mantra softer and softer...]

Toni: "Wanna bet? Wanna bet? Wanna bet?"

[...cue in the refrain while a nighttime vision of the outside of the home eventually zooms into an upstairs window...]


REFRAIN:
My oh my
How can this be?

[...camera zooms in on Toni on phone while man is sleeping in bed...]

There he goes
Talking in his sleep
By and by

[...camera zooms in on a man making out with a woman...]

He will connive
Does he know

[...camera zooms in on sleeping man...]

He's talking in his sleep

[...camera zooms in on various Toni shots as she speaks the first verse...]

VERSE1:
The affair...ok!
He's caught.
What do I do? What do I say?
I feel ashamed, embarrassed, fatigued
Such a petty crime
Of sexual indiscretion

[...camera zooms in singing Toni, sleeping man, and defiant Toni...]

At night when he lays down
How I wish I could not hear the sound
But I could
All the things that he'd say

[...Repeat refrain sequence...]
[...camera zooms in wedded couple...]

Verse 2:
Adultery...that's what they call it when you're married
[...camera zooms in on men preparing to throw stones at poor Toni...]

Tell me something...
Why is that the men are forgiven and the women aren't?
[...camera zooms in on Toni on phone while man is sleeping in bed...]

I don't know...maybe..maybe I should forgive him...
[...camera zooms in on various shots of Toni...]


Maybe I'm overreacting...what do you think...NOT!
[...camera zooms in wedded couple and singing Toni...]

BRIDGE 2:
The promises he made
Said we'd be together for always

[...camera zooms in Toni talking on phone and man sleeping...]


He's such a liar
Then he calls out her name

[...repeat refrain sequence...]
[...camera zooms in on various Toni shots as she speaks the 3rd bridge..]


BRIDGE 3:

Guilty Secrets
They are haunting my life
And he doesn't even know that I know

[...camera zooms in Toni talking on phone and man sleeping...]

Can you hear him?

[...Repeat Bridge 2...]
[...repeat refrain sequence...]

[...reverse nighttime vision of window close-up leading to panaramic view of the house...]


Can You Keep A Secret? (To be continued...)

Layover Adventure

Can you believe the major holidays are creeping their way back in? Another year is coming to a close. Soon I'll be joining the millions of other travelers going to visit their families. I'm usually driving on the road for Thanksgiving, this year included. My Mom always makes a "goodie basket" for me to take back with leftover meals that she's made during my visit. I (weakly) protest that she doesn't have to do that but I know she gets enjoyment out of it. I think it's her way of helping me since I'm taking care of my own finances and what not. So I'll be packing up the bucket and some Tupperware to take with me on the road. If I don't, I'll be shopping for another bucket at Shopper's World...*LOL*.

Christmas time I usually fly since I never know what the weather will be like around that time. The only time I didn't fly was in 2001 shortly after the 9-11 Attack in New York. I think I was still getting over that so I drove that year. Going to Detroit was fine weatherwise and I made my five hour trip as usual. Going back was a different story altogether. It had snowed and iced up really bad. I was originally planning on leaving during the evening but decided instead to leave during the day. The roads were still pretty slick and along the way I saw at least a dozen cars on the side of the road. Traffic was also backed up for several miles during the trip and by the time I reached Indiana, I ran out of washer fluid for my windshield. My windows continued to get grimy but I couldn't clean it. So for the remainder of my trip, I had to drive with limited visibility. That trip wound up taking almost eight hours. I was so cranky afterwards and I vowed that I would never drive again during Christmas. Even the "goodie basket" that my Mom made that year (we're not able to do that when I fly for obvious reasons...*LOL*) wouldn't be enough for me to risk life and limb.

My Christmas travels in 2003 by far was the most memorable. I was flying on Northwest and I believe this was my first time seeing Detroit's new NW terminal, which was first opened for business in February 2002. It was definitely a treat to see the new terminal, which has 97 gates. The history of creating this new terminal is explained in detail here. It was also funny seeing birds actually flying inside the terminal and even having nests.

But that's not what made it memorable. I soon learned that my return flight to Chicago was overbooked. The person at the gate was offering $300 vouchers for those who were willing to give up their flight and stay another night. I thought about it briefly before deciding to take advantage of it. It was my first time ever being in that situation. So basically I got my voucher and the airport put me (and a few lucky other people) up in a Holiday Inn overnight and gave us vouchers for dinner. We also would be able to take advantage of a continental breakfast.

After I checked in, I decided to head straight for the hotel's diner/bar. I learned really quick that the voucher was literally only good for food as I had to scrounge up some dollars for my liquor. But it was cool.

So the night went uneventful, my only calls being to my family and Sally to let them know I'm in town for the night and would be flying out first thing next morning.

So fast forward to the next morning. I wake up around 6:30AM to basically get ready to head back to Chicago. I head down to the breakfast area around 7AM to take advantage of the continental breakfast. I recognized a few of the other lucky people sitting at other tables. I make a claim for my own table. One of the servers immediately came over and served me some juice. Moments later, a second server, an older Asian lady came over. She asked me for my voucher, which I handed to her. Then she said something that immediately had me rolling my eyes. She stated that the voucher only covers breakfast, not the tip. I gave her this look like was she serious. Then she asked me if I understood that. All I could say was 'ok' as I shook my head. I'm assuming they've gotten stiffed before in tips but I didn't appreciate the way she approached me. Plus I was the only black person in the room so it made me wonder if she was singling me out because of that. I mean, just because some people stiff you don't mean all people would. I shook my head as I got up and served myself breakfast. I had a good fill of the breakfast and was about to take a third trip but realized it was close to the time the hotel shuttle was going to head to the airport. I contemplated not leaving a tip but then remembered the other server that served me the juice, so I left my buck, the buck I was planning to leave anyway...*LOL*.

So I'm on the shuttle and we get dropped off at Northwest terminal. I walk over to the security check point. When I finally get to the detector machines, I wind up getting yelled at by this surly black woman. I specified her race because the very thing she yelled at me for, she let the white couple in front of me get away with. She yelled something about me not needing to put my coat on the laptop basket or some other bullshit like that. I was so peeved I just told her 'whatever' as I proceeded to put the rest of my carry-ons into the conveyor belt. I swear, sometimes black people trip me out! It's like why treat me differently because I'm black and go all out of your way not to do the same to my white counterparts. Thinking about it now almost makes me think of that scene in my favorite movie Crash where Larenz Tate and Ludacris talk about that very subject. Then I remembered they wound up being carjackers and well...they still had a point...*LOL*.

So I finally get through security and I'm thinking damn, first this one lady fights me for a tip and now this other lady practically attacks at me during security check over some minor shit. I'm like, it's not my fault you folks don't like your jobs. Don't take it out on me.

Fortunately the flight was uneventful. Thank goodness. And did I mention I got $300 to use towards another trip, which I did use for my trip to L.A. in August 2004. What I went through to get it was so worth it...*LOL*.

So Hemingway that was my airport adventure one year. I'm actually not going to have an airport adventure this year. I decided to take Amtrak to Detroit this year. I look forward to the new adventure. I last took an Amtrak almost ten years ago when I was living in the D.C. area and visiting Detroit. That was an eventful trip since I was just starting out living on my own and dealing with the crazy consulting company I had a job with at the time. I may have to share some of those tales someday.

Life Rec(r)ap

I saw the Boondocks cartoon series last night for the first time and I only have to say one thing...JACKPOT! For a nice synopsis of the episode itself, check out Clay Cane's thread. (You know, I've been linking to his thread a lot lately. I should get hazard pay...*LOL*) I especially loved seeing the Whitney/Bobby cartoon loop again. That scene was off the hook. Hell to the YES!

I have to give Regina King props too. I didn't even recognize her voice. And actually since Huey is ten and Riley is eight, it makes sense that their voices wouldn't be booming deep.

I was totally feeling the episode. Though, is it just me, or was there too many freaking commercials? I think there may have been ten minutes of show and twenty minutes of commercial. It was a bit annoying. But the show seems to be worth it, so far. I'll be back.

It was a typical Monday at work. SLAB was bordering on working my last nerve with his zany personality. I swear, everytime he sees me, he's like 'my main man E'. Then he always wants to pat me in the shoulders. I thought I was able to get that under control but it's been creeping back. I don't know...when he does it, it makes me feel like I'm his pet or something. Good doggie.

In other news, one of my co-workers (we'll call him Dan) got married last week and took that week and today off. He's back in the office tomorrow and the group is taking him out for lunch. In addition, a couple team members were decorating his cube and since I sit across from him, I was enlisted to help. Of course, one of them asked me when they'll be decorating my cube. In other words, when am I planning to get married. I sighed as I said not anytime soon. Funny thing is, I always seemed to have gotten a gay vibe from Dan. It wasn't like he hit on me or anything (not that that's the prerequisite to being gay) but the way he carried himself and said cutesy words like "baggies" kind of pinged my dar. I mean, of course, there are guys with those tendencies that aren't gay, so I'm completely stereotyping. His wife was married before and has two kids while this is his first marriage. I definitely wish him the best, of course.

With him jumping the broom, that leaves me and an older divorced lady with a grown daughter as the only unmarried people in the group. Sylvia, of course, nobody expects to get married again. But there's me still. I'm anticipating even more dodging in my future...*LOL*.

Actually that's pretty much all that's going on currently. For the moment, other than some minor health issues (stupid blood pressure fluctuating from time to time), things are a bit dull. But I'm sure that'll change in a New York Minute.

Irresistible Dick

Irresistible Bitch - Prince

Irresitible Bitch
I love the way u walk
Irresitible Bitch
I love the way u talk
Irresitible Bitch
And I really dig the way u kiss
Irresitible
Ooh Mama, I wish I could resist

Hurt me

I've always loved the way Prince said 'hurt me'. Then the background singers go 'Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho.' I always enjoyed that song and loved it when Eve decided to sample it on the track Irresistible Chick off her EVE-Olution CD. That song is my jam too. In fact, it's that song that inspired this entry's title as well as the backstory behind it.

So Hemingway, I've had plenty an encounter with dicks I couldn't resist that wind up disappointing me. And by dicks, I don't mean the penis itself, but rather the men that act like penises. I've even documented a few of the dicks I've met this past summer. No need to remind you of who they were as I'm sure I've provided links in other blog entries...*LOL*.

I can add one more smooth dick to that growing list. Technically speaking, however, I have no ground for calling him a dick -- just yet. But damn was he irresistible.

I decided last weekend to treat myself to a massage. It's been stressful times for the E. I needed some big strong hands to knead my troubles away. Jason provided that and a strong dose of eye candy to boot. He was a musuclar dark-skinned dude, reminiscent of the muscle dudes I posted about a couple weeks back (well except he wasn't gross at all...*LOL*) . Needless to say I was in lust when I met him for my appointment at the Hilton (Heh).

The first thing I did when I saw him was act like a fawning idiot and asked if I could hug him(I'm such a dweeb.). He smiled and immediately obliged. I think I must've been a bit stunned still because he had to direct me to disrobe. Once I did, I hopped onto his massage table and laid down on my stomach, with my arms drooping to the floor.

He went ahead and turned out the lights, the only source of lights being a few select lit candles around the room. He then turned on a CD with some muzak. He disrobed and the fun began.

I moaned in pleasure as he started working the knots on my neck and back. He definitely had strong hands. I made some comment about him hitting just the right spots. While has hands continued their journey around my back, we made small talk about his work. Homebase for him was L.A. He's been in the massage business for over 4 years and when he's not doing that, he's bodybuilding. In fact, he mentioned that he entered his first competition last May. That was interesting because a friend of mine's sister also was a bodybuilder and this friend talked about watching competitions.

So Hemingway back to the massaging side of his life, Jason added Chicago as a 2nd hub after an inquiry from a prospective customer asking when he planned on visiting Chicago. Supposedly this person promised he'd be a customer but reneged. But it didn't take Jason long to find other clients. (Obviously.)

He hands started working their way to my buttocks. I commented that I must've been quite relaxed since I wasn't giggling like crazy. The giggle is what I usually do when I'm nervous. I can't tell you how many times in the middle of a conversation with a new person that I'd giggle randomly.

I was also relieved I didn't cum on the spot. When I first started exploring my sexual attraction to guys, twenty years after my encounter with Bully, I remembered that I used to cum in my pants while making out with a guy and we hadn't even taken off our clothes yet. Yeah. Of course, I suppose my not masturbating until after my 29th birthday may have played a part. TMI, I know...*LOL*.

Somehow the conversation turned to our backgrounds. He grew up in a small town in Maryland. I told him about my stint in Maryland. I mean the conversation was actually pretty decent considering we didn't know each other from Adam.

After finishing my legs, he told me to lie on my back. As I did so, I finally got a good look at Jason in the flesh. The dude was built. Bulging biceps, bouncy pecs, nice abs (though his six pac wasn't showing that much) , small dick...*LOL*.

As he started massaging my chest, I decided to start touching his chest and flawless abs. I was in hog heaven.

While doing this, he told me that he recently turned 38. I shared that I recently turned 33.

Then came the moment. He concluded the massage by stroking my dick until I came. That didn't take long at all...*LOL*.

He told me to just relax as he took a towel and wrapped it around my waist. He went to the bathroom to do his business.

When he returned, I took the towel off and got up. He walked towards me and gave me another hug. I was besides myself as he told me I could go in the bathroom and clean up.

As I was waiting for nature to let me relieve myself, I couldn't help but notice his medication (4 different kinds) sitting out. I don't know why I did this but I was looking at his bottles trying to see what he was taking. I wasn't able to make it out unfortunately. I do remember him telling me he wasn't taking steroids. Not wanting to cause any reasons for suspicion, I luckily was able to finish what I had to and then exited the bathroom.

We made more small talk as I got redressed. I paid for his services and was beginning to leave. He then said 'I know you're not leaving without giving me a hug'. I admit that threw me for a loop as we hugged for a third time. He then said that since he'd never been in Chicago before that it'd be cool if I could show him around sometime that Saturday if I wasn't busy. I smiled to myself and said that'd be cool.

What do you think happened Saturday? If you said nothing, you win top prize. When I contacted him, he mentioned that he had more clients that made appointments. He then suggested we meet for dinner on Sunday, which didn't happen either due to more clients.

It was bullshit, of course, and fortunately I anticipated things not happening, so I wasn't as upset. Besides I recognized that things wouldn't go much further anyway, seeing that we're from two different worlds. It just would've been cool being the envy of the public as we walked around, they all wondering how this small framed handsome sexy brotha wound up hanging with a sexy muscledude, a guy who could wink and a person would drop everything to see what he wanted.

I can't even fault him that much. Face it, he's in a service business. He has to do what he can to make one a repeat customer. He definitely knew what he had to do to keep my buttons pressed. Besides he said next time he's in town (which is in a couple weeks), he'll treat me to dinner then.

Yeah right. Sigh. Fantasies.

Down By The Boondocks

You guys do know I have a new TV show on adult swim, right? It's based loosely on my life and that of my brother Riley..and....oh! Wait a minute! Quick body check! Ohh, I was confusing myself with my avatar picture again. I'm E. My avatar's Huey. I'm E. He's Huey. I'm E. He's Huey. Oooh, that could be a rap.

Hemingway I'm going to have to catch the new Boondock's TV series. I believe it airs Sunday nights. I do love the comic. Hopefully the series lives up to the comic strip. Anyone watch the series premiere out there in blogland?

I was looking up the voice information for this and was a bit surprised by the choice of the voice (choice of the voice...that sounds like that should be the name of a contest) for the characters Huey and Riley. Regina King, who got her big break way back in 1985 starring in the hit comedy series 227. She played opposite Marla Gibbs & the scene stealing Jackée Harry. It was cool seeing her make her way into the big film. Of course, she always has to play the wife of one of the main characters. Her most distinguished role was in the film Jerry McGuire, where she played the no nonsense, umm, wife..*LOL*...of Cuba Gooding's character Rod Tidwell. Show me the money! Show me the money! Show me the money! (You know...that's pretty much everyone's mantra these days, especially when the job is so cheap about giving raises. But that's another side rant...sorry!)

It's not like women playing the voices of male characters is unheard of. Look no further than the longest running cartoon series The Simpsons. The character of Bart Simpson (hmmm, this is the 2nd time I've mentioned him in my blog...*LOL*) is voiced by a lady named Nancy Cartwright (talk about having a nice long-term paying gig). The best thing about voice work I imagine is that it doesn't matter what you look like. You could come in your P.J.s I imagine. Plus you can always have the script in front of you. I mean, it's not like anyone would notice.

So I'll definitely have to give the series a look see & check out Regina's cartoon voice chops. She's also actually doing a character for an upcoming movie that's currently filming called Antz Bully. From a poster on the IMDB boards, it sounds like it's going to be a cross between A Bug's Life & Antz. If it's a hit when it comes out, you heard it here first...*LOL*.

It's now almost 11PM Chicago time. I have to tune into Oprah to catch the Terry McMillian/Johnathan Plummer showdown. Political/entertainment blogger Rod 2.0 already has the lowdown on the production & how deep Oprah really is involved in the story. He also shares interesting theories on whether Terry & Johnathan are just making up the feud to sell her latest book. Hmmm, I smell conspiracy. And hmmm, I smell popcorn. Until next time.

U Made Me Laugh

After another heavy post (Thanks everyone for the positive words.), I definitely needed to add a bit of humor to my blog. Only thing, I found a few bloggers who did a better job at it today. Check out these following posts. I'll be back with another edition of E soon.

Toni Braxton hater Clay Cane (heh...u know I got love for ya Clay) shares some hilarious pictures of celebrities who LOOKA LIKE A MAN (or a SKELETON) Confused yet? Your funny bone won't be once you get to clicking. Check it out NOW!

Ms Holiday was finally able to capture an exclusive with the hot yet elusive Mariah Carey with humorous results. So how does Mariah feel about Mimi? Have you heard about her exclusive date with Eddie Murphy? You haven't heard. Check out Ms. Holiday's exclusive interview NOW!

Ms. Keke posted a hilarious tale on a trifling brotha she had a blind with. I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head as brotha dug himself into a deeper and deeper grave by the second. Poor Ms. Keke gave a funny blow by blow of all the action. Check it out NOW!

Then there's our boy, DizYaBoy! Check out his latest encounters with the cable man. He also gives an hilarious outtake on the recent head cold that....oh ooops, my bad. DizYay's still MIA. Hey, I got nothing but love for ya DizYa but you need to come back and make us laugh again....get back to blogging NOW!

Ohhh....and here's a Happy 25th to fellow blogger Valentino! If you haven't done so already, go ahead and wish him many more returns. And while you're at it, maybe ask him to pass his insurance savings on to the rest of us...:-)

Ohhh...and help ProfessorGQ with his current writer's block! Pick his next topic to chat about. My personal vote is for Pamela Anderson. She's not as dumb as people make her out to be. Okay, maybe she is. But she's smart enough to capitalize on it. Plus she was responsible for my favorite weekend guilty pleasure, the now sadly deceased V.I.P. So she's cool in my book..:-)

Happily Unhappy

Fellow blogger Marlon knows what a lover of Toni Braxton I am. I guess you might not have known that based on my expressed disappointment in her latest effort. But I may have to take back some of my comments. I've been feeling two of the three singles sent by Valentino and Mista Gaskin (u still read my blog, man?). Apparently a fourth single that wasn't on the album is available. So Marlon forwarded the single to me for my listening pleasure. The title of this single is Happily Unhappy.

The song is fucking beautiful. I could actually understand 90% of the words. Why the hell wasn't this on the album? Just look at the words to the refrain:

"So I got to let you go
I don't want to cry no more
Because loving you is killing me
But leaving you would hurt me more
So I got to let you go
(Don't want to let you go)
I don't want to cry no more
(No more no more no more no more)
Because loving you is killing me
But leaving you would hurt me more
Guess I'm still in love
And I'm happily unhappy
Unhappily in love"

The words are a bit contradictory. But think about it. Have you ever been in a situation that you know somebody's doing you wrong and you know you need to leave them, but you can't? Love has such a powerful hold sometimes. Personally, for example, my grandmother on my Mama's side stayed with my grandfather (he passed away in 85), despite the known fact that he's had countless affairs with other women outside of the marriage. My assumption is that she stayed with him to keep the family together.

The song is lovely. It has a bit of an asian infusion into the melody. Think Mah Jong. She sings effortlessly on the single and you can feel the pain in her voice. They totally should've included those singles on the CD. Personally I think Happily Unhappy is the best single to date. Maybe it'll get released as a single. Thanks Marlon...:-)

The rest of my entry is about to take a sick turn. If you don't want to read on, stop right here.

I woke up this morning to V-103's weekly talk radio program. The topic of the day was incest. It was so sad hearing the stories. One caller told about how she and her brothers were sexually abused by their father. She told the story of how she walked in on her father as he molested her brother. The bastard had the poor boy dressed in women's clothing. When the caller asked what the father was doing, he yelled at her to mind her business and leave. Saddest of all, the caller said that she and her brothers stopped talking with each other years back because doing so would bring back the painful memories.

My heart sank as I listened to the program. Another caller mentioned trying to tell her mother about the abuse but the mother not believing her. That made me angry. A parent's first priority is protecting their children. How could a parent turn their back on a child's plea? It just seems hard to believe that they wouldn't know what's going on. Not doing anything to protect your children is just as bad as what the abusive parent is doing.

What is a poor child to do? If a child can't count on their parents to protect them, who else can they turn to? It's so easy for folks to say they should go to a teacher, local authority, etc., etc. But not all children would have the courage to do so. And then there's the psychological affect on the children themselves. And it doesn't just affect that child, it possibly has an impact on other children around that child.

I turned off the radio after I heard enough and childhood memories came back.

From personal experience again, I was affected by a sexually abused child. It's a bit painful thinking about it and I've only told a few people about it. The boy in question was one of my childhood bullies growing up. I remember that he would beat me up just to do so. It didn't happen everyday but it was enough to pyschologically scar me. The icing on the cake was that he one day sexually molested me. Unfortunately I was too scared and stupid to do anything about it.

I don't remember exactly why but I wound up staying after school late one day. I was in 4th grade at the time. So anyway I was walking home from school by myself when I had my encounter with Bully. He chased me down the street and then told me to stop. I did. Then he unzipped his zipper and pulled out his dick. He told me to pull mine out. I did. Moments later Bully wanted me to give him a quick kiss in the lips. I did. He then wanted me to give him a lingering "movie kiss", complete with the hugging. I did.

It was a bit surreal but before I knew it, it was over. We continued walking and moments later, I was home. I remember being so confused. I didn't tell anybody in my family about what happened. I was so confused as I mulled over it. I was old enough to know the differences between boys and girls. I also knew what happened between Bully and I wasn't "the norm". But then I remembered oddly liking it. That left me so confused and began the tailspin of denial about my sexuality.

A month later, our teacher told us that Bully was permanently kicked out from the school. It appeared that Bully also made sexual advances to several other boys. One of his victims was brave enough to tell a teacher about it. I wish I was. But I chose to suffer in silence and never revealed that I was one of his victims too.

Thinking about it now, it was obvious that Bully came from an abusive home. Why else would a nine year old boy attack other boys? I mean, sadly kids are becoming more sexually aware at a younger and younger age with some as young as four or five claiming to have boyfriends/girlfriends. However what Bully did took things to a whole different level.

I never knew what happened to Bully. Hearing today's talk show made me wonder. Does he have a family now? If he has kids, are they being abused by him? Is their Mom silently allowing that shit to happen? Another fucked up generation!

Why do I care?

If I were to see him again, I don't know what I would do. I could start by saying thanks for screwing up my life. I could pull a "Cell Block Tango" and squish, squish, squish, squish, squish his ass to death. (I apologize for the bad humor being put in a humorless situation.)

But on a deeper level, I would have to condemn myself. Why did I let that shit happen to me? Why didn't I tell anybody? What did I do to deserve this?

How can we get children living in that situation currently to get help? What if they're scared and confused like I was? (I do know my situation wasn't a daily thing in the home like a lot of abused kids.) I wish there was some way to rescue these kids. But once we do, how do you restore their faith in humanity? Can they trust again? So many open-ended questions. If only the answers were simple.

I'm slowly coming to terms with what happened so many years back. I think I even may be able to forgive Bully for his part in what happened. Maybe I can start forgiving myself too.

Repeat Visitor

Okay...I received a bit of a shock today. I got a voicemail in my office from Charles. If you don't remember him, check out this post to catch up. Yeah, that Charles!

Since Charles moved out of state to get hitched, to keep his job, he's been telecommuting to our Chicago office one week a month. He's been doing this for over a year.

So Hemingway he left a message asking if he could crash at my place for a week again. I nearly had a heart attack when I heard the request. I have to give him an answer tomorrow. I know what it's going to be but am I ready to do so?

I mean, he did make the discovery about me and all, but it was the most awkward situation I found myself in. I don't care to relive it. So for once, I'm going to say 'NO'. I have to get over my feeling like an asshole and any fears that he may blow my cover at work. Things may get interesting. If only it were April 2007 right about now...*LOL*.

Tango With Murder

Cell Block Tango - Various Artists

Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz
Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz
Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz
Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz

Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz
Pop, Six, Squish, Uh-Uh, Cicero, Lipschitz

He had it coming, He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you had been there
If you had seen it
I bet ya you would've done the same

You know I need to be doing my speed novel this month. But Hemingway on to the topic at hand.

What is it about the "six merry murderesses of Cook County" that have me so fascinated? We'll get to that answer soon enough.

Anyone that knows me knows that I love the movie Chicago. I wanted to see the show in the theatre when Jasmine Guy headlined it. I never got around to doing so. And how's this for a Half & Half connection? The lovely, mulit-faceted and talented Valarie Pettiford also played Velma Kelly in the theatrical version of the show. Valarie's character Big Dee Dee even shouted out in an episode that Zeta-Jones stole her Oscar. That was the one that guest starred Shemar Moore. Remember now? *LOL*.

I would've loved to have seen Valarie's version too. It's not too shabby that I live in the Chicago area too...*LOL*. But that's just extraneous information that is pure coincidence.

Everytime I go to Midway airport (which isn't often as I'm an O'Hare type of guy), I have to drive into Cicero. And when I reach Cicero Avenue, I say to myself in the same breathy tone as the lovely Catherine Zeta-Jones (did she play Velma to the hilt or what)..'Cicero'. Zeta-Jones was so sexy in the shots where they show her mouthing the word. I especially liked the part where she says the word 'Cicero' while smoke comes out of her mouth. In the words of bimbo Paris Hilton, that was hot!

It's obvious from the get-go that my favorite scene in the movie Chicago is the Cell Block Tango. The set-up to the grand crescendo is really cool. You start off with the leaky faucet that drips two drops at a time. Then there's the guard with the hard boots stomping. It leads to a crescendo of finger nails snapping on the jail cell. Then each merry murderess (including the poor innocent Hunyak) says her word over and over and over, getting louder each time. It makes one wonder (at least it did me), what's behind each of their stories? Roxie apparently is curious too as she takes a seat and listens in.

So again, what is it about the "six merry murderesses of Cook County" that have me so fascinated? There was a great debate at the time the movie first aired how the film seems to be glorifying murder. In the tiniest of ways, I can see the point.

But put yourself in those women's shoes. Listen to these words:
"If you had been there
If you had seen it
I bet ya you would've done the same"

How many times have we been wronged by people in our lives? How many of you have seen your friends getting fucked over by someone and you want so desperately to get your friend to wake up and smell the coffee? Some people fuck with you so bad that thoughts of revenge fester like dandelions on an innocent green lawn.

I think back to my high school days and the number of times I was ridiculed by my so-called peers. Between my thoughts of suicide, you best believe I thought numerous times about getting a gun and shooting those M.F.'s down.

But these little things called conscious and fear streams in and prevents most people from taking that drastic of a measure. Obviously I didn't want to rot in jail for a brief moment of satisfaction. And the satisfaction would be the briefest of feelings, since I'd quickly be remorseful and then feel sadness as I realize the effect it would have on my parents & sisters.

The "six merry murderesses", no matter how trivial some of their reasons were (I mean, shooting someone over popping gum loud? Really!), overcame such notions and had their revenge. Granted a lot of it was spur of the moment and perhaps they may have thought about the consequences afterwards, but nonetheless they got their revenge. And on some deep seeded level, those of us that wanted revenge on someone in the worst way but didn't go through with such plans, got the pleasure of seeing these ladies get their justice, no matter how twisted and trivial (he ran into my knife ten times...I remember the theatre getting a good laugh out of that line, myself included). Ultimately that feeling of pleasure is translated to the main murderesses Roxie and Velma.

That's my reasoning behind my enjoyment of the "Cell Block Tango" and of the movie Chicago. I bet that's why a lot of people like the movie. In fact, I love the "Cell Block Tango" scene so much that I have to play, rewind, and repeat several times (to this day). And each time, I notice something different since there's so much going on during that dream sequence.

So to all you wrong doers out there that cross me and my friends, watch out! One day you may get what's coming. Word to the mutha!

Seven More Things

I have to say coming up with 7 more things for some of the categories was a bit impossible (I winged some of the categories) so I added some new categories (some that may have been on other blogs) and took away a few of the older ones. You'll be able to tell which ones are totally new because they'll have the word NEW to the right of it.

TEN THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND:
[1] Why do people say one thing but really mean another?
[2] Why is a hard man so good to find?
[3] Why can't I have a job that requires me to work two days a week and relax the other five?
[4] How I could lose an envelope with $600 I attempted to deposit? (that was almost seven years ago...but I still think about it every now and then)
[5] Why is there Colored People's Time?
[6] Why is that crappy show 7th Heaven still on the air?
[7] Why hasn't the rest of Soul Food been released on DVD?
[8] Why is 2005 coming to an end so fast?
[9] Why did I feel better after going to Bally's for the first time in weeks?
[10] Why do I have so much junk in my house?

TEN THINGS ON MY DESK:
[1] my RIO MP3 player
[2] my cellphone
[3] my blood pressure monitor
[4] regular phone
[5] compact disks
[6] security card (to access work from home)
[7] mini-lamp
[8] loose change
[9] pens
[10] photograph of me bowling

RIO Top Ten - Round 2: *NEW*
[1] Come Into My Life - Jody Watley, Larger Than Life
[2] Where Are You Now - Janet Jackson, janet
[3] Too Gone, Too Long - En Vogue, EV3
[4] Satisfaction - Eve, Eve-olution
[5] Turn Off The Lights - World Class Wreckin' Cru, Strip Jointz 2
[6] Speaking In Tongues, Toni Braxton
[7] Erika Kane - Aaliyah, I Care For You
[8] Gotta Get Thru This - Danny Bedingfield
[9] Cell Block Tango - Various Artists, Chicago
[10] Don't Cry - Faith Evans, Faithfully

TEN THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
[1] fall madly in love
[2] have a million dollar networth
[3] bowl a perfect game
[4] publish a novel or two
[5] travel around Europe
[6] square away any remaining squabbles
[7] travel to Africa
[8] go to a blogger's convention...*LOL*
[9] leave a legacy
[10] really party hearty

TEN THINGS I CAN DO:
[1] keep my word
[2] change a flat tire
[3] say "YES"
[4] work a treadmill
[5] write decently
[6] bite my tongue...*LOL*
[7] keep the peace
[8] love my family
[9] continue to better myself
[10] smile

TEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES *NEW*
[1] Michael Jai White
[2] Dorian Gregory
[3] Malik Yoba
[4] Stacey Dash
[5] Shaun Baker
[6] Morris Chestnut
[7] Richard T. Jones
[8] K.D. Aubert
[9] Terry Crews
[10] Alfonso Ribiero

TEN THINGS I CAN’T DO:
[1] win at gambling
[2] be intentionally mean
[3] sing well
[4] sell out
[5] lift over 90 lbs.
[6] thrive on less than 5 hours of sleep
[7] eat dumplings
[8] cut onions without crying
[9] go a day without food
[10] buy a shirt over $40

TEN THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
[1] intuition (most definitely)
[2] signs
[3] vintage Toni Braxton
[4] parents (even if they do nag to death...*LOL*)
[5] CNN
[6] heart
[7] Chante Moore
[8] some classical music
[9] your immediate surroundings (to avoid being surprised)
[10] good advice

TEN THINGS I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
[1] spiteful people
[2] the ID (especially when drunk...*LOL*)
[3] Barry Manilow...*LOL*
[4] negative people
[5] bad influences
[6] the voices in your head (if you're bipolar)
[7] bullies
[8] Tyra Banks (when she hasn't eaten...*LOL*)
[9] lousy sales pitch
[10] any sales pitch you don't want to listen to

TEN THINGS YOU SAY:
[1] Hell to the no!
[2] Whatever!
[3] I'm sorry.
[4] Is that right?
[5] Oh ok.
[6] Really?
[7] Shit.
[8] He did what?
[9] You're tripping.
[10] Hemingway

TEN OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
[1] Lou Malnati's pizza.
[2] seafood (crab, lobster, scrimp, scallops, fish)
[3] Haagen Daz ice-cream.
[4] spaghetti & meatballs
[5] bundt cake
[6] Giordano's pizza
[7] lentils & corn muffin
[8] lasagna
[9] oatmeal cookies
[10] samosas

TEN THINGS YOU’D LIKE TO LEARN:
[1] speak French fluently
[2] short trading on stocks
[3] to not always bite my tongue (too much bleeding...*LOL*)
[4] making snappy comebacks
[5] karate
[6] tae kwon do
[7] the perfect practical joke to play on Eugene
[8] tie a cherry stem in my tongue
[9] keep my cool more
[10] walk with a bit of swagger

TEN BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
[1] water
[2] orange juice
[3] green tea
[4] water
[5] water
[6] water
[7] cranberry juice
[8] water
[9] green tea
[10] green tea

TEN SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
[1] Knight Rider
[2] Amen
[3] Golden Girls
[4] 227
[5] Duck Tales
[6] Jem & The Holograms (What?)
[7] Dukes of Hazzard
[8] The A-Team
[9] He-Man & The Masters of the Universe
[10] Classic Concentration

TEN THINGS YOU WISH PEOPLE WOULD LEARN TO DO:
[1] stop acting like fucking assholes
[2] be considerate of other people's time
[3] learn common sense
[4] drive better
[5] a little humility
[6] pay attention
[7] the power of silence
[8] patience
[9] understanding
[10] to get along with others

TEN FAVORITE CANDIES *NEW*
[1] Skittles
[2] M&M's
[3] 100 Grand
[4] Twix
[5] Jolly Ranchers
[6] Starburst
[7] Whopper's
[8] Nerds
[9] Sweet Tarts
[10] Whatchamacallit


TOP TEN BODY PARTS I LIKE LOOKING AT *NEW*
[1] eyes
[2] chest
[3] calves
[4] ass
[5] hands
[6] abs
[7] neck
[8] back
[9] shoulders
[10] arms

TOP TEN FAVORITE SHOWS (OLD & NEW): *NEW*
[1] Half & Half
[2] Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
[3] Living Single
[4] V.I.P. (guilty pleasure)
[5] Soul Food
[6] Knight Rider
[7] Charlie's Angels
[8] Love Boat
[9] Price Is Right
[10] Ricki Lake

TEN THINGS I LOOK FOR IN A GUY (OR GAL):
[1] good person
[2] honesty
[3] open communication
[4] pleasing face
[5] fun personality
[6] appreciating nature
[7] good listener
[8] someone good at what I'm not
[9] who loves their mother
[10] thoughtful