A Rock And A Hard Place

It started with a bag of missing edamame and ended up leading to more questions.

I arrived in Detroit around 3:30 PM last Saturday. I bought my folks some grapes, navel oranges, fava beans, and some edamame. When I went to Detroit two weekends earlier, I also bought most of the same items. The edamame proved to be a big hit for my Mom so I wanted to give her some extra bags of the stuff. I had 4 bags that I wanted to give her but was surprised to find only 3. I was dismayed but played it off to my Mom like I forgot to pack the extra one.

The night before I drove up to Rockford to spend time with Rock. We decided to order some dishes from Olive Garden to go. As soon as I arrived, he stepped outside and I drove us to his local Olive Garden to pick up our items. The parking lot was filled to capacity so I just idled while he went inside to pick up the order.

With the order in tow, we drove back to his place. He moved his Nissan outside so I could park my car inside his garage. He took inside the order along with the bag of edamame I had sitting in the back seat while I went to the trunk to retrieve the rest of my items. It took me a minute to pull out my remaining items, which included my overnight bags and the rest of the fruit and veggies. Rock eventually came back to the garage and retrieved the rest of the fruit and veggies.

The evening went pretty good. In between make out sessions, we caught snippets of Mo'nique's newest DVD I Coulda Been Your Cellmate Rock received from Netflix. It's a pretty funny and potty DVD, though some of her material I've heard before. I guess there's only so many topics one can cover in an act so there's bound to be some recycling. Or maybe I lost count on how many times Mo'Nique kept saying bitch among other obscenities, which she says she does cause it tastes good coming out of her mouth.

Hemingway we eventually went to bed. Rock wanted some but I wanted some sleep since I had a long commute in the morning. So after some interesting bedtime chatter, we eventually dozed off.

The truth is I really didn't think much of the bedtime chatter until I spoke to Eugene Sunday night. I made mention of the missing edamame and was questioning whether I packed it or not. I knew I did but I didn't want to mention it to Rock until I confirmed that I didn't lose it in my trunk. It was getting close to 11:30 Central time so I told Eugene that I'd call him back because I needed to chat with Rock.

I dialed Rock and he immediately picked up. He mentioned that it was good that I called because he was about to fall asleep. We talked about our Easter day (my parents and I did wind up going to Church...he kept a low profile that day) and then he bought up the missing edamame, saying that I forgot it along with my banana. (Pussycat Doll Moment: "Wait A Minute!") That took me for a loop. Rock was the one who packed my items in the fridge and handed them to me. I didn't think about looking to make sure they were all there. The banana in question was also with my edamame, which meant for the banana and the bag of edamame to not be there, they had to be separated. I didn't separate them so there you go.

After saying goodbye to Rock, I immediately dialed Eugene back and gave him the latest. I started thinking about our bedside conversation. Rock randomly asked me if in the time we've dated I've ever stepped out on him. I told him that I didn't (which is true...*LOL*) and he said that was good but he would've been okay with things even if I did. At the time we were spooning and the room was dark plus it was late so I didn't push the issue. When I mentioned this to Eugene, it turned up Eugene's imaginary antennas.

Eugene recalled a conversation I had with him a little over two months back where I mentioned a time when Rock told me he was ready to rumble with me over an nonexistant A4A account. The incident in question happened when he was over at my place. He wanted to check his email on that site real quick. Whenever I used to bring up that page, the username kept defaulting to an old account that I deleted. Rock saw this but at the time kept quiet. Later when he called, he asked me if I had another A4A account that I wanted to tell him about. I told him I didn't and he made mention of the ID that defaulted on the screen. I explained that it was an old ID and that I had deleted that particular one months back. He then mentioned that he was ready to rumble on the issue but kept himself in check. I was a bit surprised but just let it go.

Actually typing about that incident made me recall another incident, which ultimately led me to deleting my remaining A4A account. A little over a week after our second major fight he sent me a text message and included an old screename of mine in the message. The screenname was my original screenname on A4A. I replied to his greeting but ignored the mention of the screenname. In the meantime I was trying to recall whether I had mentioned that name or not to him. He called me and then began telling me that "a friend" of his discovered that I had recently opened another account. I was thrown for a loop. I had thought maybe someone saw my account on manhunt, which I upgraded for a seven day trial when I found out about Fobobo. I needed to upgrade in order to perform a search for his profile again. Thinking he was talking about that account (since I used the same screenname), I made mention of it. Rock knew nothing about that account and I seemed to be digging myself deeper in the hole.

Eventually he made mention that the account was on gayblackchat or something like that. He told me that I opened that account in recent days and he wondered if I was trying to find someone else. I was in shock and told him that I never heard of gayblackchat or whatever it was. I began to wonder if someone else was using my profile but he said the picture on there was mine. I came to the website and performed a search and came across the offending account. Rock thought I created the account in February 2007. It turned out I created (and forgot about) the account in February 2006. I sent Rock screenprints of the evidence and then proceeded to delete that account along with my remainig A4A account. At the time I couldn't delete the manhunt account since I had bought a seven day trial but I deleted all the profile content from it.

Rock felt bad afterwards when he found out the real deal and what I did afterwards. He and I used to roleplay with our accounts on A4A. But his behavior forced me to reevaluate having any accounts. Actually it's cool not being on A4A anymore and unlike my last attempt, I haven't gone back this time. At least not yet...*LOL*.

So back to the original issue at hand, which prompted this entry. Eugene felt like he was being contradictory when saying he would've been okay if I messed around. It didn't fit in with his past behavior where he was ready to cut me over an imaginary A4A and old forgotten BGC account. Is it possible for someone to change their stance so quickly?

He also wondered if maybe Rock was telling me it was okay because maybe he strayed himself. So in a way he was trying to justify his actions and wanted me to also say I would be okay with him straying, which I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be. I wouldn't be all Angela Bassett Waiting To Exhale on him but I know I would feel disappointed.

As Eugene was talking, I made mention to Eugene that I wondered if he asked because the weekend before I hung out with this guy I met on A4A about a month before I met Rock. This guy and I chatted on and off for a few months. It tapered for a while but a few weeks before we hung out and met for the first time, the chatting picked up again. We both found out that we enjoyed Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters so since he only lived about 25 minutes from me, I drove to his place and we watched both shows. I was pissy, though, because I thought it was a new episode of DH but it wound up being a clip show. I did call Rock on the way over there to tell him about it so he wouldn't be totally in the dark.

Rock and I spoke after that meeting and wanted to make sure I told the guy that I was seeing him. I reassured Rock that I did and we even talked about him a bit. Then he made a mention of maybe fixing the guy up with his friend. I didn't think nothing of it but Eugene cracked me up by saying that Rock was being clever. Mentioning the fixing up part Eugene thought may have been Rock's way of seeing whether anything really was going on between the guy and me.

In light of all this, would Rock really be okay if I did stray? I doubted it but I didn't call him on it at the time.

As for the edamame, Eugene and I concluded that probably Rock wanted it for himself. If that was the case, though, I would've been okay with giving it to him. This led to Eugene wondering if Rock sees me as a gullible person that believes everything he tells me. In other words, he figured I would believe him when I said I forgot it and take it at face value (which I guess I did by not calling him on it).

I suppose my propensity to be gullible at times is out there. I mean I've always had this naiveness about me, which sometimes I'm guilty of flame feeding. I think the fact that I don't call folks out on various things leads to me having that reputation. I do have the tendency to take things at face value which I know I always shouldn't. The only times I may not is if that person has lied in the past and even then I'll just nod and keep the knowledge that I know they're full of shit to myself.

Eugene and I concluded that the edamame thing is just something I'll need to file. It would do me no good to bring it up in the future as I can't prove that I didn't forget it or that he intentionally wanted it. But in regards to his statement about not minding if I messed around, it may be worthy of discussing further. We're supposed to be seeing each other Friday night so that would be as good of a time as any to mention it.

Rock and I are doing fine, though. This is just something that I can't just brush aside like I usually do.