Fallen Star

"I was walking along Wall Street minding my own business. I was in a bit of a funk and thought the walk would do me some good.

The sky was quite menacing, threatening to send teardrops at any minute. I decided to duck into a local Mickey D's. Imagine my surprise when I saw Star Jones sitting in a corner of the restaurant. She looked a bit subdued. I noticed her boytoy jerk Jabari was nowhere to be seen. What a disappointment he turned out to be. He seemed to be looking for a sugardaddy. I didn't have no time for that. Hell, I need my own sugardaddy.

I guess I should've known, considering he worked for Star and well Star has a habit of latching on to needy man. (*COUGH* BIG GAY AL *COUGH*)

I was going to place my order when I heard Star call out to me."


"Yoo hoo. E. Come here a minute."






"Considering our past exchanges, I have to say I was a bit leery to be called out by her. But I was in a public place. I figured she wouldn't attack me in McDonald's of all places. So I walked over to her.

'What's up, Star?' I asked."


"I'm on top of the world E. As you saw in the show, I one-upped that biatch, not bitch, that's me a Babe In Total Control of Herself. The biatch is that Bawa Wawa. She is a Bitter Ingrateful Arrogant Toad with Crappy Hemmorhoids."


" 'Well....you should know about her hemmorhoids, seeing that you've kissed her ass for so long.' "



Star: "Fuck you."


E: "Damn...must we go there again. Hemingway I see you're full of clever acronyms still. So how did you one-up her?"


Star: "You didn't see the show?"


E: "Actually I did but I wasn't gonna give Star the satisfaction. So I said...'No I didn't.'"


Star (rolling her eyes): "Whatever. I decided to leave the show and announce it before that biatch had a chance to. I could tell the biatch was pissed."

E: " 'That's good for you Star.' "


: "Who does she think she is, bringing that fat cow Rosie to the show. A woman I hate. I guess I could say the writing was on the wall at that point. You know, you must've been clarivoyant not to print that interview we did. I was pissed off at first but now I realize you were looking out for my best interests. To think, I called that biatch an inspiration."

E: " 'Ummm, ok.' "

Star: "That old bitty is getting crazier by the day. Mark my words, that show will go down without my expert leadership."


" 'You know. I was gonna order a Big Mac...'"




Star: "The nerve of her. Does she know who I am? The public can't live without me just like I can't live without Mickey D's fries. Could you get me some more?"

E: " 'Umm, where's Al?' "

Star: "Oh him? He said something about needing to work out at the Y. He said he wanted to find some lost muscles."



E: " 'Umm, riiiggght.' "

===============================================

"You know, as much as I longed for the day Star would be put in her place, I wasn't feeling too keen about her departure from the show. Like her or not, she was an important element to the show whenever she wasn't self-promoting. She accomplished quite a bit considering her past weight issues. I imagine she had to fight every step of the way to get to where she was. It was too bad she became a victim of her own ego. But in retrospect, I think it was wrong for Barbara Walters and the producers of the show to force her out the way they did. It wouldn't surprise me if part of Rosie's contract stated that Star shouldn't be part of the team.

I'm glad she at least one-upped them, which is what I'm convinced she did, by announcing her departure days before the so-called official announcement, which the press was saying to be sometime later in the week.

So you know what? I ordered Star some Mickey D fries and I wished her the best of luck in her career. I even sat with her while we bitched about the show and men.

Damn, I'm such a softie."