Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I'm Coming Out

Diana Ross - I'm Coming Out

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show
I'm coming out
I want the world to know
I got to let it show

There's a new me coming out
And I just had to live
And I wanna give
I'm completely positive
I think this time around
I am gonna do it
Like you never do it
Like you never knew it
Ooh, I'll make it through

The time has come for me
To break out of the shell
I have to shout
That I'm coming out

Coming out is exactly what my friend Eugene did earlier this year. Well technically he revealed his secret to one person. Since I've known Eugene, which is just one month shy of a year, he's been telling me about wanting to tell this person. He has an attraction to this person and at one point told me that he was suspecting this person as being family. They've been friends since Eugene's Ph.D days. The two of them he told me were like brothers. Eugene befriended him, even though others thought his new friend was weird. As Eugene told me, it took time for his friend to open up to people.

Hemingway I'm sure you guys find all this fascinating....*LOL*.

Moving on, Eugene told me he revealed himself to his friend while staying with him over the New Year holiday. They were talking about challenges in their lives and Eugene felt it was time to out himself. He told me that his friend said that he suspected it a while ago but kept his thoughts quiet. Then they went back to their normal horsing around.

Eugene only just told me this last Saturday because it was such a painless process that he forgot that he made that big of a step.

I was so happy that things worked out for Eugene. Of course, it makes me wonder about who I would tell. I have given the thought of coming out a lot of thought, especially when Charles made the discovery about me. Heaven forbid anyone find out secondhand.

Hearing Eugene's friend's reaction made me wonder who already suspects me. I'd be naive to think that noone hasn't thought about my sexual preferences. Hell before Charles saw that webpage, I'm sure he wondered about me. Sally years ago (in 1996 before I even explored my attraction...*LOL*) made some comment that it didn't matter what 'sexual preferences' her friends had, as long as they're happy. Last year too when she invited me to her friend's victory party, she told me that her girlfriend didn't want to go because she wasn't comfortable being around gay people. (Ironic considering she seemed comfortable around me...*LOL*.) Sally said that she didn't like her friend's comment and again alluded to people needing to be happy in life. That day she invited me, she was telling me about her trippy love life and I was so close to telling her about mine. But something held me back.

If I were to come out, she'd be the first one I'd tell. I have a feeling her reaction would be similar to Eugene's friend. I don't know. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to take that risk. I think my ex-co-worker friend Stan may have a similiar reaction as well. Hell, I think my sisters already know and are just waiting for me to pull a Mariah. In other words, say something, say something!

So why the hell am I not talking?

I've already read different bloggers such as No4Real4Real, Cash S., and Marz's (I know it's in there somewhere...*LOL*) views on coming out. The common theme shared (at least how I interpreted it...*LOL*) is that each person should choose to do it in their own time. It's not my time yet.

Oh but it is time to answer the question to quiche or not to quiche. I decided to quiche. However, I'm keeping the quiche all to my selfish self. I'm contributing hummus to the work celebration instead. Ohh...and it'll be store bought. Heh.

14 Comments:

Blogger NeenaLove said...

what a tough place to be.

forgive me if this comes off as offensive but it is not my intention... GAY folk carry such a heavy burden.

i feel for my gay friends, whether they're in drag OR butch OR whatever... but they carry such a big load. in our human NEED for acceptance, gay folk tend to "play the part" of hetero for so long. that is a lifetime of supression of their natural inclination. and that takes courage.

**heavy sigh**

2:49 AM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger Cash S. said...

Yeah I came to the same conclusion; do it in your own time. I told my best friend about 4 months ago. I was sooo nervous, but after I told her she was cool. She said she already knew and that she was waiting on me to tell her. The only thing she was slighty annoyed about is that she missed out on a lot of stuff that was going on with me (such as dates and stuff). We're all good though, in fact I think it made us closer.

But yes, do it when YOU feel the time is right! Don't rush!

8:46 AM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger LUVIN ME said...

That has to be tough. Do what you feel is best for you. Eveyone is not going to accept you, but in the end, it's all about being true to yourself!

9:38 AM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Maurice said...

Tell when your ready and only when your ready. And make sure when you tell you wont lose a friend to it. See I lost a friend because of me telling her. Stupid Girl! Everyone knows Gay men make the best friends to woman.

12:56 PM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger Essequibo said...

You have to assess the situation...and see who is you could really trust with that information.

It is definitely a weight lifted to let someone close to you know. Although some folks only pretend to be cool with it, and then try to preach to you later - you just have to assess the situation, man.

*grinz* I like that you printed the lyrics and all...

1:12 PM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger Georgiapeach said...

Say life is too short to not be who you are. Live life to the fullest. You know who you can trust and who you can not trust. Believe in that and be yourself. Big hug!

2:46 PM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger Georgiapeach said...

I am sorry, country folks like myself say "say" sometimes..lol. It means eh. lol.

2:47 PM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger lady in satin said...

One of my best friends since I was 14 (David) is gay and didn't come out to me until I was 17. It was kinda weird and I guess I was in denial the whole time, because everyone called him gay! I was always defending him, telling people, "he's not gay!!!" He's had relations with women in my house and he's had girlfriends! So I guess thats why I thought he was straight. Oh well...I still love him though!!

7:56 PM, January 26, 2006  
Blogger James said...

Do what feels right for you! I love your site and will definitely be visiting often.

11:32 AM, January 27, 2006  
Blogger Marz said...

The link is here.( http://mty05-09.blogspot.com/2005/12/day-i-pre-cameout.html) (LOL. Gotta help you out.)

Yeah I think everyone has their own time to do it. Personally I'm ready now, but can't because of my parents.

But sometimes I'm curious of older people such as yourself who aren't out, and what you're afraid of. I don't know. Everyone has their time to do something. It's like puberty it affects different people at different times. that's why there are 10-year-olders 6 feet and 14 year-olders 5 feet. And in retrospect that is why there are 12 year olders who are out, and 70 year olders who are in.



-Marz

11:59 AM, January 27, 2006  
Blogger chase said...

do take your time...when it feels right for you. but also understand that the people you call your friends are there for a reason, because you think highly of them. Do you think they couldnt handle it? The longer you wait, the longer they may feel they were being decieved.

I have so many male and female friends that are gay, that sometimes I wonder why anyone would want to hide it or not be open and upfront about it. what can someone do to you if you are gay? so what?

Now family, thats a different story, i know people who were kicke dout of their house, dis-owned, beaten, the whole nine.

Good luck with whatever you decide hun. I know i'll be there for support :)

3:39 PM, January 27, 2006  
Blogger No_the_game said...

I think you should do what you want to do in your life.

BTW I got quiche. I was in Sam's Club and there was quiche in frozen section. I got it :) Just because I read about it at your blog.

It was funny. I was on the phone with friend of mine from Miami and was telling him that I am getting quiche :) I think I do not know how to pronounce it correct.

Anyways, I can see now how it can be hard to make it .

Peace and Love ,
NO_the_GAME

12:17 AM, January 29, 2006  
Blogger Holiday N said...

omg..what can i say that neena love hasn't so eloquently stated.

i just can't believe that after soooo long gay is still such a huge issue...drug dealers,molesters,wife beaters,and people that..that..wear white after Labor Day get treated better..i mean wtf?

12:22 AM, January 30, 2006  
Blogger Stone said...

I suspect you already. LOL

12:39 AM, January 30, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home