Wednesday, November 29, 2006

F Is For Fickle

Heh I bet you guys thought I was talking about Myers-Briggs again when seeing that F...*LOL*.

I hate generalizing folks more than anyone else. However gay men are the most fickle species I know. It's just uncanny how one day things seem to be okay and the next for reasons unknown, things change. It's probably why I don't have many gay friends. Then again it's not like I have many friends to begin with. But I digress. (Often.)

The gay man in particular that's earned my disdain is Spades. I noticed that ever since my Dancing Queen night that Spades seems to be avoiding me. Actually I pretty much confirmed that he's not speaking to me anymore. So apparently I earned his disdain. Why? I have a theory but no definite clue. At this point, your guess is as good as mine.

Let's go back to the scene of the crime. It was pre-Dancing Queen night. I attempted to contact Spades twice to confirm that we were meeting at Generator. He didn't answer his phone. I told him that I was burned once by someone who said to meet there but didn't. That would be Huey unfortunately. And we're not speaking anymore either...*LOL*. But that's more or less because I'm tired of being the bigger person and trying to reestablish a connection and also Huey was pissy because I got pissy. When hello...he was the one that stood me up, how did he expect me to react? Plus his excuse about leaving his phone behind was lame (it may have been true but lame...and he waited till the next afternoon to call). But that's another stupid tale. Back to the current one.

So since Spades knew about the Huey incident and I sorta knew how a stickler for time he could be, I took the chance that he would still meet me at the club but just couldn't call back. So I got to Generator extra early and waited for Spades arrival. He eventually came with a nice, nerdy friend of his I'll call Nerdy. I walked up to the pair and greeted Spades. Spades immediately went to greet two guys (who didn't know each other prior but were sitting not far from each other). While Spades was greeting them, I officially introduced myself to Nerdy. We made random small talk while noting Spades seemingly knowing half of the club. Spades eventually introduced us to SpadesAce and some other dude.

So nothing really significant (to my knowledge) happened. Spades went off with Nerdy and SpadesAce in search of other folks that were supposed to be coming. I sorta stood off to the side along with the other dude who went back to doing whatever it was that he was doing. A few minutes later as Spades, Nerdy, and SpadesAce made their way back, I walked up towards them.

We eventually got a booth on the lower level where we all sat for a few minutes. I couldn't help but notice how Spades was macking with SpadesAce. Nerdy and I made a little bit of small talk again and eventually Spades was chatting on and off with Nerdy. Nerdy and Spades went off to see what was happening upstairs, leaving SpadesAce and myself. The two of us didn't talk about much until Nerdy and Spades came back down and Nerdy was ushering us to the dance floor.

That led to the two hour dancing queen moment you're all familiar with. So far to my knowledge I can't think of anything I've done that would've offended him or his friend. I wasn't sure whether SpadesAce was just a trick or not. I made the assumption that he was, especially since at the end of the night he left with SpadesAce even though he drove with Nerdy. And I didn't get the sense that Nerdy and SpadesAce knew each other prior to that night.

So the next night I see Spades on Yahoo IM. I remember us chatting normally enough. I then asked him how things went with SpadesAce that night. He didn't respond to that and didn't say anything else afterwards. I didn't think anything of it as I quickly got busy doing other stuff.

The first time I thought something might've been up was later that week. I saw him online and greeted him. He didn't respond.

I told Eugene about it and he thought I was being too much of a Bug-a-Friend. It's similiar to Destiny's Child's Bug-A-Boo. He says that I smother people to death and that I don't need to say ''s me!!!!' everytime I see them online. So I decided to leave Spades alone for a week or so. Whenever I saw him online, I ignored him and didn't say anything. Finally I decided to send him a message a couple days before Thanksgiving. In fact, it was on Thanksgiving Eve's Eve...*LOL*. Again he didn't respond. I found it odd but went about doing my thing. Finally two hours later I typed...'So are you not talking to me anymore?'. Literally two seconds after I sent that message, he logged off.

I decided to call him. I got his voicemail and basically said that I had a feeling he was avoiding talking to me for some reason and that I'm not a mind reader so he needs to let me know what's up. I haven't heard from him since.

Isn't that weird?

The only thing I could think of was maybe he was offended when I asked him about SpadesAce. Maybe I even misread their relationship by assuming SpadesAce was a fling. But if that was the case why go on an all out speaking strike? All he had to do was say that I presumed wrong.

Last night Eugene convinced me to try to reach out to Spades one last time. He told me to send in an email a simple question. 'Are we not friends anymore?'

As of 7:49 PM, Wednesday November 29th, the answer appears to be no.

It's a shame that a potential friendship is ending due to some petty bullshit that I'm totally speculating on since I have no idea what's up. I really thought we would be cool. It's disappointing to say the least. Oh well...he's not the first and he won't be the last.



Blogger Soldier said...

i dont understand people who do such dramatic things. not answerin, then loggin off, not pickin up etc...
I mean, it takes one simple conversation to say whatever u have to say to someone and get things clear.
Stop callin him man, it's clear that u and him dont need to talk anymore.

10:48 PM, November 29, 2006  
Blogger Rose said...

What's that saying if you let it go and it comes back it was yours all along...

2:41 AM, November 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

f is for fuck 'im. don't waste the energy, man. yeh, it's disappointing but still. you shouldn't have to beg anyone to be your friend.

6:09 AM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger Ladynay said...

Yeah what they said.

If that's the route he chooses to take, let him travel it.

6:45 AM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger E said...

Thanks guys for the messages.

I have an update. A couple hours after posting this, he responded to my email. He said that's he's suffering from severe mood swings and that he's not in the mood to really chat with anyone.

I thanked him for telling me something (and at least knowing it wasn't something I did) and that if he ever wants to talk about it, that I'm here.

I guess the holidays are in full swing right now and I know for a lot of people, it's not the best of times. Not saying that's what he's going through...but that could be possible.

I'll let him have his space.

8:10 AM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger The Captain said...

We must take into account that everyone we meet is not going to be a close friend. Some people we meet will have various levels of relations to us.


You may have that one person you may only see in the club.

You may have that one person you only speak with in passing or in public places because you are familiar with them.

You may have that one person you speak on a semi-frequent basis, like every other week for a brief small talk.

You may have that one person that you speak with on a consistent basis and feel more drawn to as conversations are made.

You may have that one person that you can really call a friend when you speak nearly everyday and see very often and confide in with trust.

Within these variations, not everyone will be the last type of person. We have to allow people to settle in the role they will play in our lives and not to force the relations a certain way. Just be cordial, but friendly, and let them adjust and then you will see what role they will play in your life. E, you're a good guy...quiet spirit, but committed heart. You have friendly qualities, don't let others spoil it.

9:15 AM, November 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mood swings do not last that long. I should know because I have them all of the time. The brotha lied to you. His ass is mad with YOU about something and doesn't want to tell you. If he can't tell you what it is, let him go.

11:09 AM, November 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mood swings do not last that long. I should know because I have them all of the time. The brotha lied to you. His ass is mad with YOU about something and doesn't want to tell you. If he can't tell you what it is, let him go.

11:09 AM, November 30, 2006  

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