Sunday, June 29, 2008

Stop. Rewind. Play.

Things have been going downhill for Rock and I during the last month. It seemed like both of us were going through the motions when calling each other. But my heart wasn't in any of the conversations. I aired my grievances with Rock in regards to us not spending time together but it didn't seem like Rock had any problems with it. I basically told Rock that I wasn't going to bug him anymore in regards to planning anything. He complained about how he has all these obligations to work and family and his challenges in juggling all that and a relationship.

Every time we called, it seemed we would get into an argument. It got to the point that I was dreading talking to him. Yet something seemed to compel us to continue going through those motions.

So three weeks ago when Rock and I finally made time to see each other (this after the debacle that was IML 2008), we called it quits. Okay. Here's the lowdown on my experience at IML 2008 since I didn't discuss it before. Basically Rock made a stink about me going to it and didn't want us to go together because he wanted time to hang out with his friends (Ned and Regine) there. I went anyway because first off, it's a public event and even if we weren't hanging together, why should I stay home? He wound up seeing me (I went alone) and we hung for a bit even after I told him that he didn't have to hang with me. Seeing him at the IML on the morning of May 25th at that time was the first time I had seen him since Iron Man. To say that morning was awkward was a bit of an understatement.

It was even more awkward when Regine seemed to be grilling me on why I was there. It didn't seem to her that IML would be my thing. My running theme of the evening was that I've attended IML once before and aside from my brief "after school special" moment, had a good time.

Things especially came to blows between Rock and I when he mentioned two weeks after that his plans to hang with Ned and Regine because of how things were ruined at IML. That set me off. I couldn't understand how my coming to a public event, which he had no right to forbid me from going to, would ruin his time between his friends. But he concluded that my reason for going was to check up on him and make sure he wasn't up to no good. IMO that was not true especially since I had expressed a desire to attend this year's event regardless. Needless to say that led me to the decision that I needed to end things with Rock.

Which was what we did that next day in my basement. They always say that it's best to break up with someone in person as opposed to by email or over the phone. I was debating on the best place to do it. I really wasn't keen on doing it in a public venue. Not that I was expecting fist fighting, hair pulling, clothes tugging, and stuff. That would just be gay (no offense...*LOL*). It's just that I wasn't sure how the conversation was going to go and our reactions. I really wasn't keen on crying in public. So that's why I figured it'd be better to do it at one of our places.

After I told Rock that we should break up, he agreed with me. We sat there for a few minutes just in a daze. I couldn't believe we finally went there after weeks of playing the 'Neither One Of Us' by Gladys Knights game. We ended it all just a little over the nineteen months mark.

I looked in Rock's eyes and I saw that he was starting to tear up. I reached for his hand and he then hugged me. He expressed sadness over what was happening and mentioned that Regine and Usha had also broken up the night before. That set off the tears that I held back. We both expressed sadness that we were each letting a 'good guy' go.

Minutes later we were suddenly making out. It was getting a bit surreal. Both of us were questioning what was happening. I knew one thing that couldn't happen, though. I didn't want us ending up having sex. We went from breaking up to taking a hiatus to getting back together again. It was all very confusing.

But in the end we agreed that we'd make (yet another) go at it. He told me if I wanted to date other folks that I was welcome to do so but that he wasn't planning to. He promised that he would make a better effort to try and spend time with me.

Over the last two weeks, that hadn't really happened. He had a few more family and work obligations that he needed to take care of. But our conversations became civil again. This past weekend I went up to see Rock at his place. The funny thing is I told him that i was planning to meet a guy at the Chicago Pride parade to hang out with. I didn't solidify those plans with the guy but Rock made sure to foil those plans by making plans for me to spend half the day with him today. We woke up in each other's arms (it was our first time since April when we went to St. Louis) that morning and then went to Bally's together to work out. Afterwards we went to a JcPenney's outlet to buy some clothes. On route to this outlet, we passed the "lovely cities" of Loves Park and MacHesney Park. Rock joked to me to never say that he didn't take me places. Later on we had a late breakfast/early lunch at Subway's before parting ways around 2:30PM. He made tentative plans for us to see each other again next weekend.

So yeah we're not giving up just yet. We'll see if we can get through these hurdles. Of course I'll keep everyone posted.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so glad things are working out. Lord knows we've all been there and it's difficult as hell but if you're willing to work it out, it's worth it.

8:27 AM, June 30, 2008  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Lord have mercy, I was about to cry at the thought of you 2 calling it quits!!!!!

8:55 PM, June 30, 2008  
Blogger Bullet Proof Soul said...

Wow. I just hate the confusion of love. It's like a tug of war. You are either fighting for love or fighting against loneliness. But I hope everything works out for the two of you.

9:06 PM, June 30, 2008  
Blogger Cash S. said...

Talk about a rollercoaster of emotion. I hope things work out for the best.

7:07 AM, July 01, 2008  
Blogger Darius T. Williams said...

Ha...that neither one of us game is a bitch, now ain't it?

Just goes to prove that good love is the kind that's worth fighting for.

12:59 PM, July 01, 2008  
Blogger NeenaLove said...

Love is hard work!!

Thank you for still believing in it. I find that a lot of folks just GIVE UP and GIVE IN because it is so darn hard.


4:06 PM, July 08, 2008  
Blogger Ladynay said...


7:36 AM, July 10, 2008  

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