Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Back off Biatch!

I got this interesting article from Rock who in turn got it from one of Yahoo's bulletin boards. Apparently NBA star Doug Christie nearly choked to death over the weekend in front of a large crowd of people because his wife wouldn't let a woman doctor near him to save his life. Here's more details from the article. Talk about crazy. Both husband and wife sound as nutty as they come. Sometimes you just can't make this shit up.

SACRAMENTO--Jackie Christie, wife of NBA star Doug Christie, refused to let a female doctor save her husband's life Saturday when he nearly choked to death during a dinner at the Pilothouse Restaurant in Sacramento . Christie frantically screamed for a doctor after her husband began gagging on a chicken bone, but when Clarissa Jordan, a 41-year-old female doctor, rushed to his aid, Christie grew agitated. She reportedly told Jordan t o "back off" even as Doug's face turned purple and his breath came out in short, labored gasps.

Bystanders watched in horror as Jackie Christie calmly waited for a male patron to save her husband's life. Luckily, Sanjay Mehta, a local medical student who was sitting at the bar in an adjacent room, was able to apply the Heimlich maneuver just in time to avert a tragedy. The chicken bone came up, and Jackie defended her decision not to let a female doctor save her husband.

"Miss Clarissa Jordan, or whatever her name is, came running over like a poodle in heat," said Christie. "I could tell she was lusting after my husband, which is why I wouldn't let her near him. Sure, she's a doctor, but that's a great way to get her little tongue down my husband's throat. Believe me, I'm no fool. Plus, m y husband would never want a female doctor saving his life. He'd feel too guilty having another woman lay her hands on him. He'd rather die. I'm sure of it."

Bystanders reported that Christie was not satisfied to simply wave Jordan away. Instead, she began beating the woman with her purse until the horrified doctor fled in terror. Christie said those claims were exaggerated, but did admit to "getting physical with her."

"I wouldn't say I beat her that hard. I just was trying to deter her from her ultimate goal of having sex with my dying husband," said Christie. "Yes, I hit her a couple time with my purse, but I had to. The woman was relentless! She kept saying 'He's going to die! He's going to die!' And I was like 'Whatever, bitch. Keep your hands to yourself.'"

After Jordan fled the scene, another female attempted to call 9-1-1, but she, too, was thwarted by Jackie Christie. The women, 29-year-old waitress Cheryl Malcolm, insisted that she was just trying to help.

"After that woman [Jordan] got beat up, I realized Doug was still choking," she said. "So I ran over, grabbed my cell phone and started dialing 9-1-1. Then [Christie] slapped the phone out of my hand and told me to mind my business and stop looking at her husband like that. I had no idea what she was talking about. I would never look at that guy in a sexual way. Gross."

After Malcolm was turned away, it looked like the end for Doug Christie. The Kings forward lay in a heap on the floor, his face bulging and red, his fists clenched, and his throat clogged with a large chicken bone, while Jackie sat with her arms folded and waited.

"I don't know the Heimlich maneuver or anything like that, so I didn't want to try anything that would hurt my baby," said Christie. "I was getting a little nervous, especially when his eyes started bulging out of his head, but I knew if I waited long enough, some guy would come along and save him. If not, Doug would have been killed. But it's Ok. I made him promise to come back and haunt me after he dies."

Dr. Mehta was summoned into the room by a frantic patron who witnessed the choking. After he administered the Heimlich to Christie, he noted that if another moment had passed, Doug would've surely perished.

"I am extremely surprised that this man's wife did now allow Miss Jordan to save his life," said Mehta. "If another minute had gone by, he would surely be dead. In my country, this mad woman would have her hands cut off and her vagina sewn shut."

After being revived, Doug hugged his wife and breathed a sigh of relief. He thanked Dr. Mehta for saving his life, and recalled the final moments before he was rescued.

"Whew, that was a close call," said Christie, wiping the sweat off his brow. "I actually saw scenes from my life flashing by. The funny thing was that my wife was in all of the scenes, even the ones from my childhood before I met her. She was just there in the background with her arms folded, shaking her head disapprovingly. Huh. I bet a shrink would have a field day with that one, huh? A male shrink, of course."

After thanking Dr.. Mehta, Christie also offered some words of gratitude to his wife.

"Although I am glad to be alive, I'm equally glad that my wife spared me the indignity of having another woman give me the Heimlich," he continued. "That would've been catastrophic. Even if I had lived, what kind of life what that have been, knowing that I looked at, and briefly touched, another woman? I guess it would be kind of a normal life, actually. Anyway, that's the last time I ever eat chicken."

In order to avoid future incidents like the one that took place at the Pilothouse, the Christies have decided never to eat in a public place again.

"There's a lot of danger to eating in public," said Doug. "The outside world is fraught with peril. You never know, you could be sitting there eating, minding your business, and a chicken bone could get lodged in your throat causing you to need assistance from a female doctor or paramedic. Don't laugh. It happened to us, and it could happen to you."

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10 Comments:

Blogger Ladynay said...

I simply refuse to believe this story is real!

Stop lying to me E!!!! STOP IT!!!

Now I gotta google these folks to see what they look like!

7:32 AM, July 10, 2008  
Blogger Ladynay said...

You know I had to look this up...

Essence did an interview with the couple and one of the questions was:


ESSENCE.com: What’s the craziest rumor you two have heard about yourselves?

DC: Probably the one about me choking, baby…

JC: Oh yeah, supposedly Doug was in a restaurant choking on a bone, but I refused to let the female nurse that arrived save his life.

So this is just a rumor. Thank God!

8:09 AM, July 10, 2008  
Blogger E said...

Thanks for clarifying that ladynay. I thought that was quite bizarre. Lord knows I don't want to be starting no rumors...:-)

8:18 AM, July 10, 2008  
Blogger Curious said...

LOL, and I fell for this. I thought you were going to say they were moslem or from christian sect to explain their actions.

11:00 AM, July 10, 2008  
Blogger Darius T. Williams said...

I heard about this rumor too - quite interesting.

Hey, I haven't talked to you since April. We need to hang out sir - do drinks or something. Email me!

12:06 PM, July 10, 2008  
Blogger BPS 2.0 said...

I was about to say. I was ready to choke that chick but the more I read it the more it seemed unreal to me. Someone would have smacked that chick back to reality.

But yeah, glad its a rumor.

4:42 PM, July 10, 2008  
Blogger 4GOTTEN1 said...

They say it's a rumor but feels like it may be a little bit of truth in it. Especially if he dies she collects everything and probably a nice phat insurance check. Maybe my thinking is just off.

6:19 PM, July 10, 2008  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Thank goodness that this is just a rumor.

11:57 PM, July 13, 2008  
Blogger yet another black guy said...

i'm a big NBA fan and i know all about the Christie's, this was some fools' joke piece written years ago that somehow keeps circulating. Doug used to be a player before he met his wife. she went off on a groupie in one city and slapped an aggressive ex-girlfriend of his who verbally disrespected her.

during the Sacramento Kings/Los Angeles Lakers rivalry, the LA media tried to say she was a nutbag and he was whipped. she's just a real ride or die chick. once when he got in a fight with another player in the tunnel, ol' girl ran down there to help her man!

2:53 AM, July 18, 2008  
Blogger Secrets said...

I posted this too. I'm glad to hear its a rumor cause I thought his wife was crazy as hell.

1:12 PM, October 17, 2008  

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