Thursday, October 11, 2007

Early Discord

Rock and I had another disagreement. Every morning before he goes to work he calls me to shoot the breeze. Usually he's leaving the house and making a few morning stops, including getting a daily Tribune and his Starbucks. I'm usually on the computer checking various message boards, paying bills online, or checking email. Occasionally I'll actually be getting ready to go to my job.

We've had this particular disagreement a few times. There are times when he'll say something and I may not hear it fully but instead of saying so, I'll go yeah or okay. Sometimes my brain takes a minute to catch up with what he's saying. I'll start to go huh but then quickly recover and give the response needed. Typically our conversation is a good give and take exchange, despite the multitasking.

Our morning conversation on Tuesday started out the typical way. But there were moments here and there where I couldn't hear him. I was focused on paying bills while he was darting in and out of the quickie mart. I did the 'yeah', 'ok', 'aiight' thing one too many times and he got pissed at me. He basically said that he won't call me in the mornings anymore since I can't give him 100% of my attention. I told him 'fine' and then we hung up.

I could feel my blood pressure rising during and after our exchange. I quickly sent him a text message saying something to the effect that it's okay for him to multi-task while talking but it's not for me. He immediately calls me back and says something that he's better at it and basically can hold a conversation and do whatever else. I told him that I've always multi-tasked in the past and didn't plan on changing. What I should've said was that people always mult-itask regardless of whether they're good at it or not. We went a bit back and forth before he tried to bring things back to civility by saying 'we shouldn't start our days mad at each other and wanted me to say something positive.' All I could muster was 'Have a nice day.'

Needless to say, he didn't call me this past morning. I thought about it but still went about starting my day. Actually I woke up a bit late and was in a rush to get out the door so I didn't have that much time to think about it.

I did call Eugene on my way to the job to ask for his two pennies. Eugene would give them to me even if I didn't ask. (*LOL*) What Eugene seemed to conclude was that Rock telling me he wasn't going to call anymore was his way of controlling the relationship. Everything about Eugene is control...*LOL*.

Eugene's comments made me think about Rock and my recent weekend trip to Madison, WI. I drove my brand new baby up to his place last Friday. Before I get deeper into the issue, the overall weekend was great. Rock even cooked me a nice dinner that he called my "early birthday present".

So Hemingway the plan was to make our way towards Madison around 9AM. We left around that time pretty much. So I'm driving my brand new baby. Off topic again, I'm so loving my keyless push button start and smart key that doesn't require an actual key to enter the vehicle. Okay. Back on topic...*LOL*. Even before I get on the expressway, I made a comment about wishing to have taken another way since the traffic light took forever. Rock made a remark that he would've said something but he didn't want to appear "controlling". Yes control and who has it is quite the hot button. But moments later I'm on the expressway and he's "kindly suggesting" that I be careful and not speed. After stopping for breakfast at Denny's, I decided it would probably be easier if I just let him drive. Control. Control. Control.

Rock made the decision pretty much that he wasn't going to call me in the mornings anymore. Technically though, that doesn't mean that I can't. But he's going to have to accept that I can't always give him 100% of my attention, especially in the morning. Unless he can give me 100% of his (no matter how good he thinks he is at multitasking), he can't expect 100% of mine.

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Blogger That Dude Right There said...

Maybe I shouldn't be giving advice since my relationship failed, but I have to agree with you on that.

He should never ask you to do anything that he isn't willing to do himself.

11:42 AM, October 11, 2007  
Blogger Cash S. said...

I don't even like to answer the phone unless I can give someone all of my attention. What's the point of starting a convo if I'm not listening in the first place?

I kind of agree with Rock on this one.

12:21 PM, October 11, 2007  
Blogger Soldier said...

maybe you guys should just make the conversations shorter... thats meeting halwfway aint it ?

11:22 PM, October 11, 2007  
Blogger E said...

Norris: As usual, we're always on the same page.

Cash: Ideally...yes. Realistically...not always.

soldier: Ironic thing...Rock moaned a bit that we don't talk enough lately. I wanted to say duh...but I did decide to call him this morning. And I actually decided to give him my undivided attention for 5 minutes...but he didn't give me 100%, even though we had an okay conversation. And no, I didn't throw it in his face, though I was tempted. *LOL*

8:38 PM, October 12, 2007  
Blogger life said...

It's growing pains..don't let it turn into something big.

7:22 PM, October 21, 2007  
Blogger yet another black guy said...

no offense, but it seems like he's going through a regular routine without much thinking, whereas you are trying to do some things that require a bit of attention to detail.

might you do those things before or after the phone call? do you even enjoy the morning calls? can you call him when you're doing your tasks? i'm jus' sayin'...

11:17 AM, October 23, 2007  
Blogger Ladynay said...

Your last statement says it all babe!

2:29 PM, October 23, 2007  
Blogger That Dude Right There said...

I have an idea. Why don't you suggest a morning call at a certain time. During the call you both sit and talk and do nothing else for 5-10 minutes?

You know you have to train these men.

8:31 PM, October 23, 2007  

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