Thursday, March 20, 2008

Quest For Mr. Right

The following entry actually was my response to Mr. Jones post titled "I've Been Thinking". It'll probably be good to read his post first before reading my response. I wound up rambling quite a bit but then realized that my words may actually benefit others. So rather than risk them not being read at all, I thought I'd post my comment to Mr. Jones on my blog. I'll take out any references to Mr Jones so that the reader can place their name in the spot.

As for Rock and I, we're doing our best to work through our current issues. Some of our issues I know we'll keep revisiting since we've reached impasses. But I guess that's part of being in a relationship. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.

Hemingway...without further adieu:

"I fall into the category of "having a man already" so I may not be totally understanding. But I was in your situation for a little over two years before that fateful 11/2006 day. That is, the first period where I realized I wanted more than just a fuck and run.

So I can speak of how rough it is out there. It's just hard finding a guy that has the same mind sets when it comes to relationships as you do. And I can say that you'll never find that perfect guy. Rock and I still have issues when it comes to how we want to define our relationship. Sure we have the basics down....for example: that we want to be committed to each other only and being supportive of each other. But we're divided over how much time to spend together, where we want to travel next, balancing control, stuff like that. But basically in spite of those things, I know that I want to make things work with Rock because I love him. I love him enough to overlook the few negative qualities.

The person you ultimately meet to take things to a boyfriend/boyfriend level won't meet all your standards. If you want someone like that, you'll be single forever. As long as he meets most of your standards and you can deal with the ones he don't meet, then you should be okay.

But as TDRT says, you have to put yourself out there and meet guys. I can't tell you how many dates I've had in the two years before I met Rock...well actually I blogged about most of them so there's a recorded account of them. (For the reader's convenience, click on this link to read some of my dating experiences.) But to summarize, I met guys that I hoped things would go further with, but the other guy wasn't on that same wavelength. I met guys who wanted to take things further with me but I wasn't feeling them like that after a date or two. I met guys that I strictly went out with and did the okie doke and then never saw them again. There were guys I wanted to meet but didn't want to meet me for whatever reasons.

You have to experience that spectrum and put yourself out there so that eventually the "right man for you" finds you.

Easier said than done, I know. I guess you'll just have to take baby steps.

To start, it may not hurt to put an Ad on the internet, even on the lame Adam4Adam. If nothing else, it'll give you some practice in the world of dating, once you weed out all the undesirables and find a guy that actually wants to meet and greet.

I would then go hit the club at least once a month. I'm probably the last person who benefitted from that since I can be a wallflower. But I get the sense that you're more of a social butterfly than I am so it might be beneficial just to see what's out there in the cesspool. You never know. When I went to Charlotte a year or so back, there was this one hot guy that owned his own furniture business that was part of a crew I hung out with. He seemed intelligent and appeared to have his shit together. But he rarely clubs since he's so busy being a proprieter (can't spell...*LOL*). Just imagine meeting someone like him that just so happened to go to the club on that same night.

Meeting the right guy is definitely mostly luck (I met Rock via a Yahoo message board...oooh try that...*LOL*), but you have to put yourself out there to make that luck happen.

Ooooh...let me stop. You'll be fine [your name] either way. And it's good that you took the time to evaluate yourself. Look forward to meeting you in April."

Hopefully it's as good to you as it was to me when I typed it out...:-)

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Blogger yet another black guy said...

"The person you ultimately meet to take things to a boyfriend/boyfriend level won't meet all your standards. If you want someone like that, you'll be single forever." - lord i feel like that was written just for me.

sometimes i feel like i have too long of a list for any guy, but certain things are (or seem to be) important to me. how do you pick which ones to scratch off?

12:23 PM, March 20, 2008  
Blogger E said...

Hi royce...:-) You pretty much have to rank all your qualifications and find a guy that meets at least half of them or your top choices. It's a start at least.

12:36 PM, March 20, 2008  
Blogger Cocoa Rican said...

Ain't love and finding it grand?

12:19 AM, March 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice post. I got a few comments.

1. I do not believe in the "agree to disagree". That doesn't mean issues get resolved, it only means deferment until another blow out session of fights.

2. We all recognize finding a mate is challenging, but I question the notion if finding a mate is hard because we are not finding our soulmate.

3. There is a stark difference in finding a compatible living/fucking partner, but I just wonder how people (who are never ready for relationships) can walk into someone life by accident and sparks fly and end up together and the ones that want to be married or involved and invested time, energy and planning to be with someone can't find shit!

4. Standards- so now we have to walk around with the checklist?

3:30 AM, March 24, 2008  
Blogger Darius T. Williams said...

LOL - you dayum near preached this as a sermon! The doors of the church are open.

8:40 AM, March 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL @ Darius. I met my bf in a bar, learning how to play pool. I think you should do you and not worry about searching for Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now, Mr. For The Moment, etc.)

9:48 AM, March 24, 2008  
Blogger Cash S. said...

The Captains comment made me go hmmm, especially number 3.

Dating is crazy. There are so many twist, turns, ups, and downs. It can be fun and frustrating at the same time. You just have to hang in there and take the good with the bad.

8:41 AM, March 25, 2008  
Blogger E said...

cocoa rican...It so is..:-)

captain...thanks for sharing your thoughts. In response to #1, I don't know what else to do if you and another come to an impasse and neither one is willing to budge. Eventually you get tired of belaboring the issue. So unfortunately it comes back again in Round 2 and then Round 3...*LOL*. #2 True. A mate vs. soulmate are two different things. Of course the question becomes if there's only one soulmate for someone or can multiple people potentially be your soulmate. #3 That is strange how life works out sometimes. #4 At the very least on someone's list, they have to make sure the guy is gay (assuming it's a gay guy's list of course...*LOL*). So a list is needed..:-) me Preacher E.

sean stone...Wow to how you met your bf.

cash true. Definitely lots of ups and downs.

1:10 AM, March 26, 2008  

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